Crickets
by musicalvoice
Summary: Bella Swan is a lonely aspiring journalist who just moved to New York City. Edward Cullen is a recent college graduate in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. Will their individual baggage keep them apart?
1. About A Girl

**Things I own:** Trepidation over writing my FIRST fanfic (!), way too many pairs of shoes, a car dubbed my mobile office.

**Things I don't own: **Stephenie Meyer's characters, anything Twilight related.

* * *

**BPOV:**

I surveyed the damage spread throughout my new room. _The worst part about moving is unpacking,_ I thought. Well, second only to leaving behind the ones you love.

Moving to New York City was a decision I struggled with for a long time; I knew that professionally, New York was the best place for me to be. The field of music journalism was pretty non-existent in my post-college home of Forks, Washington. But, for two years after graduation, I had stuck it out and tried to make Forks work for me. After working part time jobs at both Newton's and the local grocery store, I knew that I couldn't wait any longer.

My only obstacles for moving- my father, Charlie and my best friend, Jacob- had very different reactions to my news. Charlie encouraged the move, reminding me that he'd survived twenty-two years without my domestic supervision. Jacob, on the other hand, pleaded me to stay in Forks- eventually Forks turned into California, then along the West Coast, then _anywhere _but New York. "There has to be a job for you that isn't across the country," he said with tears silently leaking from his eyes.

I felt tears spring to my own eyes at the memory of the moment. First Beach held many pleasant memories for us, but after breaking Jacob's heart on the piece of driftwood we were so fond of sitting on, I doubted that he'd ever feel the same there again. I imagined him sitting in his garage and working on the car he was restoring, hoping that he had found distraction from the ache that our separation had caused him. I was on the bridge of dwelling on it, myself, as the bracelet he had given me as we parted in the airport gleamed in the moonlight.

But I couldn't look back. For so long I had lived my life doing what was best for those around me, with little to no regard about what was best for me. Although I had yet to find a job, was in possession of a _very _limited income, and didn't know a soul in New York, I was confident that this was going to work. _It has to_, I thought.

I smoothed my hair as I carefully teetered around the boxes to open the small window of my eighth-story apartment. I had found a small one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn that was cheap by New York standards, but still enough to dissipate the small amount of savings I had amassed during the past two years within a few months. Tomorrow would bring a long day of job hunting, so I tried to relax as much as possible during my first night in my new home. I called Jacob and Charlie, only to have both calls forwarded to voicemail. I tried reading a book I picked up in the airport while sitting on my window ledge, but I was too restless to remain in one place.

"I am going to be fine," I said aloud as I stuck my head out the window and looked down at the street below. If I said it enough times, I was sure that I'd actually start to believe it.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Thanks for reading the first chapter of Crickets!  
This is my first foray into fanfic, and I'd really appreciate any feedback.  
The subsequent chapters will be much longer, and you'll find that Bella will soon run into some familiar (to us, anyways!) faces.

The story is titled after a song by one of my favorite bands, Wild Sweet Orange. Check my profile for a link to their Myspace, as well as the song which the title comes from.  
Each chapter will additionally be titled after a song, album, or artist. Links to these will also be listed on my profile, as well as in the author's notes.

**Title from: "About a Girl" by Nirvana**


	2. Holiday

**Things I own:**A major crush on New York City. WAY too many CDs.

**Things I don't own:** Stephenie Meyer's characters, and anything Twilight related_._

* * *

**BPOV:**

My first morning in my first apartment on the first day of my brand new life began with a kink. In my neck.

I hadn't brought a bed from Forks because the shipping prices were astronomical. With the $900 a month I was paying in rent (extremely cheap by New York standards), plus my security deposit, airline fees and my current unemployed status, I was trying to spend money on only the essentials. Unfortunately, at this moment, a bed was not an essential.

I slept on a group of pillows in the center of my bedroom, surrounded by a maze of boxes that were half unpacked.

_No one tells you how truly glamorous life in New York is_, I thought.

I hopped from box to box until I found my toiletries and clothes that I thought were presentable enough for me to wear job hunting. _What do you even wear to interviews in New York?_ I wondered as I desperately wished I had Carrie Bradshaw on speed dial. Or even SJP. I wasn't picky.

I found that with some hot water and a soundtrack blaring courtesy of my iPod, that my troubles could easily take the backseat while I got myself ready for the day. Instead of focusing on the negatives, I decided to focus on the positives: I'm in the best city in the United States. I am surrounded by more great music than I could possibly ever hear. I have my own apartment. I love life.

Before I stepped out of my apartment, I jotted down the addresses- and subway directions- of the magazines and newspapers where I intended on applying. With a stack of resumes and recommendation letters safely tucked into my messenger bag, I stepped out into the sweltering heat of summer in New York City.

My job hunting expedition was a bust. I knew that finding employment would be hard, but I hadn't counted on every magazine and newspaper being staffed with security guards at the entrance dictating who could enter the offices. I was denied entry at SPIN, the job of my dreams, as well as the Village Voice, and the Canarsie Courier. I would prefer writing about music, but with the luck I had today, I guessed I'd be lucky finding an entry job answering phones.

After my disheartening afternoon, I decided to go to the epitome of sunshine and happiness in the city: Central Park.

It'd been 24 hours since I'd talked to anyone from back home, and I was feeling the strains of loneliness. I decided that I'd try to strike up a conversation with someone. Was that normal, I wondered? Growing up in a small town dictated that no one was a stranger and everyone was approachable. One thing was for sure: New York was not Forks.

I was admiring the Alice in Wonderland statue off of 74th street, when I heard someone scream "Stella! Dorian! No!!"

I turned my head to find the source of the noise, but was instead greeted with two tiny and fully-dressed long-haired Chihuahua puppies bounding into my leg as a tiny girl chased towards us. Stella, I take it, was wearing a doggy ballerina outfit (complete with tutu), and Dorian was clad in a punky-striped sweater. _Only in New York_, I thought.

"I am so sorry!" she gushed as she gracefully stopped right in front of me, reaching down to regain the dogs' leashes. "Stella! Dorian! Tell her you're sorry!"

The dogs looked off behind me as I saw a squirrel sauntering on the edge of the woods behind the statue. "That's okay, that squirrel is a dirty tease," I giggled as I reached out my hand and introduced myself. "I'm Bella. Your dogs are adorable."

"Thanks so much!" she said as she shook my hand. "I'm Alice, and these are my babies! I knew they were going to be trouble today. Dorian wanted to wear the tutu, but I tried to explain to him that he's a boy dog and that boy dogs don't wear tutus…" she prattled excitedly as she picked up both dogs and adjusted their outfits. "Do you have any pets?" she asked excitedly. I got the feeling that Alice didn't do anything at less than full speed.

"Nope. I just moved here yesterday, so I'm still trying to figure out my life before I bring a pet into it," I said as I petted the dogs.

"Are you living with friends?" she asked.

"I actually don't know anyone here," I admitted as I looked downward. Once I said it aloud, I realized exactly how lonely I might be in a city of a 19 million people.

"Don't look sad," Alice said brightly, "Because now you have three friends! Let's walk," she said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me forward.

And I was afraid _I _would be the forward one!

As we walked around Central Park, I learned about Alice's background. Originally from Ohio, she had moved to New York to attend Parsons The New School for Design. She had graduated the same year I had, and was working on an accessories collection to shop around to major department stores in the city. _Whoa._

_"_Bella, you're so nice! Would you like to have dinner tonight?" she asked as she looked at me expectantly. "…If you don't have any other plans," she added unnecessarily.

"My extended family and I have weekly dinners, and we're always looking for more company."

"That's very kind, Alice, but I don't want to intrude on family time," I said, praying that I would be let off the hook. She was extremely nice, but I was awkward enough as it was without the opportunity of clumsily knocking an aunt's glass of wine into her lap or catching a napkin on fire with the flame of a candle.

"Nonsense! I insist that you meet us at Firefly tonight at 8," she said as she began digging around in her large purse for pen and paper to write the address and her phone number on. "My family will love you."

"Thanks, Alice," I said through a deep blush. There was no getting around it.

We said goodbye and parted ways. I headed back to my apartment to Google the restaurant, hoping it was within my price range, and figuring out what sort of attire would be required.

My eyes bugged out of my head as I viewed the restaurant's fancy website. I dressed in my best approximation of New York chic, stumbled out the door to find the subway, and hoped for the best.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Whoever could Bella be meeting at the restaurant?  
I think you'll be pleasantly correct.  
This chapter was a little slow, but all necessary. Because, as you know, putting your life together doesn't happen in a single day :)

**Title from: "Holiday" by Weezer** (Blue album FTW!)


	3. You're So Damn Hot

_Things I own: _Every season of Gilmore Girls. Fall Out Boy's first SPIN magazine cover. A love of the Alice in Wonderland statue.

_Things I don't own: _Stephenie Meyer's characters, and anything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended.

**

* * *

**

**APOV**

I was sitting at Firefly, waiting on the rest of my family and special guest to show up. I impatiently glanced down at my watch for the third time in a minute. 7:43 P.M.  
"Don't they know by now that Alice time runs 15 minutes ahead of normal time?!" I whined to Jasper, my boyfriend who was all too versed in my energetic jitters.  
"I'm sure they'll be here. Let me get you another drink," he offered as he stood up, always the gentleman.

On even my best night I would have been staring down the clock for everyone to arrive. Tonight, however, was special.

I could feel it.

I was nearing the end of my walk with Dorian and Stella today when I decided to take a shortcut to my apartment past the Alice in Wonderland statue. The story, statue, and kids who would surely be climbing on it made my day a little brighter. Since it was on my way to my apartment on 74th and Park Avenue, I visited the area almost daily.

As we rounded the side of Conservatory Water, the dogs suddenly lunged forward, pulling their leashes out of my hand.

"Stella! Dorian! No!!" I ran as they sprinted towards a girl on the edge of the Alice in Wonderland statue. Thankfully, they seemed to be interested in her and stopped running. I was mortified that they were pawing at her, and apologized profusely.

Once I got the dogs under control, I took a moment to look at my new acquaintance, Bella. She was a pretty girl, with beautiful chocolate hair and matching chocolate eyes. I could sense a sadness within them, however, and wondered what there was to be sad about on a gorgeous day like the one we were having.

As I talked to Bella, I could sense that she was a sweet and funny girl. In New York, particularly in my field of work, sweet and funny was a combination you didn't find too often. She must be a new New Yorker, I thought.

When she confirmed that she had only recently moved here without any friends, my heart jumped inside my body. A new friend! We were so lucky to have found each other!

A funny look crossed over Bella's face when I invited her to dinner. I completely understood if she was busy, but I could feel that Bella and I were instant friends.

Flash forward a few hours, and I was beyond anxious for her to show up. I hoped that my initial instincts were spot-on, and that we would become close. Once Bella Swan was in your life, I bet you didn't want to let her go.

Every new body that passed through the door brought more excitement, and ultimately disappointment when I discovered it wasn't Bella. My brother Emmett and his fiance Rosalie had just sat down when I finally saw Bella walk in.

"Bella!" I shouted as I pushed Emmett from his seat aside me so I could properly greet her.

"Hey!" Emmett complained, "That hurt!"

But I didn't even pay attention. Bella looked slightly uncomfortable in her outfit, a yellow shiftdress with black tights underneath. We'd have to work on her confidence, I thought as I enveloped her in a hug.

Before Bella sat down, I began talking up a storm. I didn't stop until I noticed Bella looking towards the door and gazing off into space.

What was she staring at, I wondered?

Edward. She was staring at Edward.

**

* * *

****BPOV**  
****

I felt ridiculous as I prepared to enter Firefly. The only outfit I owned which seemed appropriate was one that I bought several years ago when my college roommate pressured me into a makeover. Safe to say, it had lived a very sheltered life in the back of my closet. Until tonight, that is.

Everyone in New York dressed so nicely. I realized that my Forks wardrobe of jeans and light sweatshirts would no longer cut it when everyone else on the sidewalks looked like an extra from _Gossip Girl._

I gave myself one last, deep breath and opened the door, flashing my ID to the bouncer. I looked up to find Alice as soon as I stashed my ID in my purse, only to find that she was hopping out of her seat, person next to her be damned, to come say hello.

Before I could get a word in, she grabbed my waist and pulled me in for a hug. Considering her slight frame and stature, she had quite a grip, and I absentmindedly rubbed the spots she had grabbed as she began to introduce me to her family, fiancé, and ask about the rest of my day.

At least that's what I _think _was happening. Somewhere between the awkward introductions and the pain induced by Alice, my gaze had shifted over to the entryway of the restaurant. At first I was checking other girls' outfits to make sure I wasn't severely out of place. My eyes focused on a tall boy in the entryway, and I realized seconds later that I was downright gawking at him. I couldn't be held responsible, though- he was possibly the best-looking guy I had ever seen.

At about six foot tall, he was skinny and clad in dark denim jeans, with a retro vodka tee under a blue corduroy blazer. I may have drooled a little bit.

As he began walking towards us, I had to bring myself back away as I focused my attention back on Alice, who was looking at me questioningly. "I'm sorry, Alice, what did you say?" I asked with an embarrassed grin, as I watched her eyes flicker to the beautiful boy who had walked up behind us.

"I said this is my brother, Edward, Bella."

Oh shit.

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My very first cliff-hanger!  
Don't worry- with the pace I was writing today, you should find the next update very soon. With more action! Will Alice be happy that Bella was drooling over Edward or put off by it? Only time will tell :)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story- I'll only get better if you give me your input! Yay or nay for switched viewpoints? Am I dragging mundane details out too long? Review and we'll be Alice and Bella style BFFs!

Chapter title from: "You're So Damn Hot" by OK Go


	4. Manhattan

**Things I own:** A pretty new pair of boots from Steve Madden (summer be damned!), a massive crush on Company of Thieves, and one of the best jobs in the world.

**Things I don't own:** Stephenie Meyer's characters, and anything Twilight related. No copyright infringement intended here!

* * *

**BPOV:**

**  
**My cheeks stung as I forced myself to smile. What else was there to do? I'd just undressed Alice's brother in front of her and her family. _It would only happen to me_, I thought as I placed my chin on my shoulder and looked up at Edward, now standing behind me.

"Hi," I squeaked timidly.

"Edward! This is my new friend Bella! She just moved to New York from Washington," Alice said at the speed of light.

"H-" Edward began, only to be eclipsed by Alice. "EMMETT! MOVE," she almost growled, motioning for Edward to sit beside her. Jasper, casually sprawled in the chair beside me, chuckled as he viewed the exchange. "Easy, killer!" he said with a smile to Alice.

Simultaneously, a two things happened: Edward reached across the table to shake my hand, as I turned towards Jasper to make polite conversation while motioning to Alice. The sound of breaking glass filled my ears. I dropped my hand as I whipped around to assess the damage. The matchup of my hand versus Alice's drink wasn't a fair one. My cheeks burned as I began picking up the pieces of glass and apologized profusely to Alice.

Just because you're clumsy and break items often doesn't mean that it ever gets less mortifying.

"My fault, my fault," Edward said with downturned eyes as he attempted to wipe Alice's cosmopolitan off of his jeans. "I'm Edward, nice to meet you," he muttered without looking up.

Great.

* * *

**APOV:  
**Why was Bella acting so weird? Her cheeks looked as if they were going to catch fire. Edward had his head buried in his lap, seemingly hiding from the world. What was going on?

Oh. OH!

How did I not think of it sooner?  
**  
**

* * *

**BPOV:**

Dinner wasn't as uncomfortable as I had imagined it would be. Alice and her family were absolutely lovely; I could tell they were extremely close-knit. Watching them laugh and share inside jokes made my heart ache for my own family, Charlie and Jacob.

As I padded along Spring Street on my way to the N train, I realized that someone was walking closely behind me. Fear started to kick in; the emptiness of the street along with one too many viewings of Law & Order SVU put me on edge. It was the end of my first full day in the city, and I sure as hell wasn't going to be Benson and Stabler's next case.

I slowly reached inside my clutch purse and grasped the one item Charlie demanded that I bring to New York- mace. I maintained my pace, planning on confronting my attacker in the light of a small Korean deli a few steps away.

I pivoted on my feet, thrusting the mace in front of the creep's face.

"Bella?"

Oh. Shit.

"….Edward! I'm so sorry!" I gushed as I dropped the mace and blushed profusely. "I saw an episode of Law and Order yesterday with a tourist who was murdered and…"

His face flickered with several emotions, finally ending up with an amused grin on his face.

"You can never be too safe," he agreed as he dropped to his knee to retrieve the rogue mace. "But I promise I won't murder you and dump you in Central Park," he chided with a grin.

"Where are you headed?"

"The N train. How about you?" I was dying. First I knocked a drink into his lap, and now I had almost attacked his beautiful face with pepper spray. Only me.

"I'm taking the N train as well, what a coincidence," he said, and then motioned backwards, with his brow furrowed. "But unfortunately, the entrance is _that _way."

Edward and I walked together through the quiet streets, occasionally passing a bar with live music escaping through the front door. As I sighed contentedly, he turned and looked at me with eyebrows pursed questioningly.

"I've waited so long to be here," I admitted. "And, so far, in my 24 hours here, it's been as great as I imagined it would be."

"What pulled you to New York?"

As we continued walking I told him of my editorial ambitions, my passion for music, and the difficult decisions that lengthened my time spent in Forks. As we stepped onto the platform in the subway station, I realized that I had monopolized the last ten minutes of conversation with a complete over share of my life. As I glanced to make sure he wasn't bored, however, intrigue splashed across his face, and he began asking me more questions as we boarded the train.

"Where do you wish to write?"

"Anywhere that will have me!" I exclaimed, both too loudly and earnestly, garnering looks from the other passengers, all looking tired and cold. I quickly learned that pleasant expressions from strangers wouldn't be enjoyed in New York.

"Which genres of music do you prefer? Do you play?"

"Well- as clichéd as it is, I really do listen to everything. I'm really good at describing how music makes me feel, but unfortunately passion doesn't equal talent for me when it comes to playing." Two years of hours on end of enduring my squeaking violin attempts had taught me that.

The train slowed, and I realized that my stop was approaching.

"My stop is the next one," I said as I nervously picked the hem of my dress and stood up. "I'm glad we took the same route, Edward."

I hoped my cheeks weren't emitting a traitorous blush. But the probability was good.

"I'm glad we took the same route too, because this is my stop also," he said, casually standing up. Although the train had significantly slowed, it jerked to a stop, sending me flying sideways, losing the grip on the handrail."

"Oof!"

"Bella!" Edward yelled as he grabbed my arm and pulled me upright. "You have _got _to be more careful. Watch as you step out of the car- not many people get their feet stuck in between the train and the platform, but it seems like you attract danger."

"…Thanks?" I squeaked, not sure whether I should be appreciative of his concern or annoyed with his assumptions.

I chose to go with the former.

As we exited the station, we both headed in the same direction. As a lucky twist of fate, his apartment was a few streets down from mine, ending up in him accompanying me to my front door.

"It was really nice of you to make sure I got home okay, thank you." I said as I turned to my building's entrance. "I really did have a nice time. You're blessed with a great family."

"Of course. And you're right, I am lucky," he said while stepping up on the landing with me.

"I have a few friends in the publishing industry who I'd like you to meet," he continued. "I'm not sure if any of them have openings at their companies, but-"

"EDWARD! That is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me! Thank you so much," I screamed, jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning. Apparently I was a little _too _enthusiastic, as I gained a "SHUT UP!" from one of the apartments with an open window above the landing.

He grinned a lopsided smile as he pulled his sparkly phone from his back pocket. "May I get your number?"

I gave him my number, and reached to shake his hand. _Do people do that?_ I wondered, not sure what the etiquette was for the family of a new friend. I hoped that soon Edward and I would be friends.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he promised as he stepped down onto the street. "Be safe."

"Will do," I assured him.

"And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow it's my turn to ask the questions."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Four chapters in two days!  
I'm on a spree.  
How about rewarding me with a review? Good or bad, I'll take your feedback to heart. Even a line will make my day!

**Title from: "Manhattan" by Kings of Leon  
**


	5. Grand Theft Autumn

**Things I own:**Several books I should be reading to review for my website, tickets to WAY too many summer concerts for work, and a cat who hates me.

**Things I don't own**_:_ Anything that came from S.M.'s mind. You know!

* * *

**EPOV:**

Up until the minute I walked into Firefly last night, I had been having a terrible day. A string of terrible days, actually.

I was in the middle of a quarter life crisis. Well past the age of casually imagining where my future endeavors would lead me, I was two years out of college with no clue of how to utilize my degree. I had recently decided to re-enroll at NYU to take more courses, but with no clue of what degree to pursue. Being a college student was something I excelled at, but I was ready to begin the rest of my life. If only I knew where to start.

These heavy thoughts occupied my mind as I presented my license to the bouncer at the restaurant where I was to meet my family. My eyes were adrift in search of my sister and brother, but the crowded restaurant made it hard to identify anyone. Instead of locking eyes with Alice, however, I locked eyes with a brunette girl who was staring intently at me. Did I know her?

Startled, her eyes dropped and the whipped her head towards the wall, where … Alice was sitting? I was intrigued.

As I approached, I noticed the girl's deep blush as she said something to Alice, whose eyes shot up to mine.

"I said this is my brother, Edward, Bella!" Alice said as she winked at me. What was going on?

I was transfixed by Alice's friend. I heard my family speaking around me, but I couldn't isolate anything in particular, their voices just a pleasant background hum.

I said Bella's name as I tried to introduce myself again, this time with a handshake. At the same moment, she energetically extended her palm in my direction, making contact with first Alice's glass, and then my hand.

Time moved impossibly fast, but I remained in the moment a few seconds too long; as Bella apologized profusely, I could only focus on the sensation that flowed through my hand at the moment of impact with her skin. It tingled, it warmed, it set my soul alight. And then it was gone.

The rest of dinner was …interesting. I enjoyed my weekly dinners with my family, but I couldn't focus on any of the conversation. I could only focus on Bella.

As dinner ended and our group parted ways, I made a snap decision that, in retrospect, I can't explain for the life of me. I saw Bella walking alone into the night, and I found myself jogging to catch up with her. Once I caught up, I stayed a few steps behind, not having thought that far ahead about what I would say once I got there.

She said it all, however, when she sprang in my direction with a can of mace extended in front of her.

I had to laugh. Sure, I was seconds away from being debilitated with pepper spray, but all I could think about was how ridiculous of an expression she had on her face when she realized my identity.

"….Edward! I'm so sorry!" she practically shouted as she moved towards me, dropping her mace. "I saw an episode of Law and Order yesterday with a tourist who was murdered and…"  
A wide grin spread across my face as I remembered a very similar scene with Alice when we first arrived in New York. Law and Order… it got everyone but me, apparently.

"You can never be too safe," I told her as I realized that she _was _a young, attractive girl walking the streets of an unfamiliar city alone at night. While I made a joke regarding the situation, I knew I had to make sure Bella got home safely. Would that be too forward, I wondered, considering I was a stranger she had just met?

I casually inquired where she was headed, and pretended that I lived in the vicinity. It sounded creepy in my mind, but I only wanted to make sure she would be around to make my life brighter again tomorrow.

The subway ride went impossibly fast as I grasped for as much information as I could obtain about her before our time together was up. When she stood up to announce her exit, I continued my charade and stood alongside her. I was prepared when the train lurched to a stop, but she was not; she stumbled to the side as I quickly grabbed her arm to keep her from falling on an elderly gentleman who was all too amused with the scene.

It was becoming all too clear that Bella was a one woman wrecking machine.  
And yet I still yearned to learn more about her, to get closer to her.  
I didn't know if I was a masochist or simply smitten.

The streets of Brooklyn were surprisingly silent and peaceful, making for a pleasant journey. When we arrived at her front door, I knew that I had to see her again. She had mentioned that she was looking for a job in publishing, and I decided that I would put my full efforts into making her move a success story- I would put her into contact with every classmate and friend I had in the industry. The intense inner dialogue that flowed through my mind was surprising, and a little confusing. She was just another girl, why was I so drawn to her?

She jumped up and down with joy as I mentioned my contacts, and I could barely keep a smile off my face. Did she notice?

As I took her number, I entertained the notion of kissing her on her doorstep. She was Alice's friend, would that be weird? Instead, I settled on a handshake, deciding to play it cool. As I stepped down to find the closest subway stop to my real home- back in Manhattan, not Brooklyn- I told her that I'd call her tomorrow, and requested that she stayed safe. For anyone else, it would be an unnecessary request.

She said she would, which was all I could ask. I waited to make sure she got into her building safely, only to be pulled back to reality from her voice:

"And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow it's my turn to ask the questions."

I couldn't wait.

* * *

My cell phone pulled me from the depths of slumber this morning.

"EDWARD!" Alice's voice blared as I tried to mumble hello.

"Alice, what do you want? It's…" my eyes tried to distinguish the blurry red numbers of the clock on my bedside. "It's early."

"It's 9:00! I've been up for two hours," she whined impatiently.

"Well…I was forever getting back home from Brooklyn."

Alice's reaction was so delayed that I wondered if the call had been dropped.

"Brooklyn?" she inquired, a clipped tone taking over her voice. Oh. She didn't exactly know that I had followed Bella home. How to explain this one?

I didn't have to explain anything, because Alice cut into my thoughts.

"Edward, what were you doing in _Brooklyn?_"

Alice was Upper East Side all the way; Brooklyn had always seemed to offend her delicate sensibilities.

"Don't freak out," I began. "But I had to follow Bella home. I didn't like the idea of her traveling alone on the subway at night."

I was met with another lengthened pause. "Is that okay?" _Please don't freak out… _I silently pleaded.

"AH! Did you talk? Don't you love her? Wait, do you like her?!" she spouted rapidly.

"I… I'm glad you met her. I think she needs some friends. I'm looking forward to getting to know her," I answered, evading the question which I knew held the most interest.

"But is everything okay? You don't usually call this early," I interjected before she could ask a follow up question.

"I just had a feeling that you had an …interesting journey home," she said, slyly. "You know I know these things!"

Unfortunately for the rest of us Cullens, and Jasper too, Alice did have a way of uncannily predicting events. I'm surprised she didn't call me on it last night mid-subway ride.

"That I did. But now, I've got to make up for that interesting journey with some more sleep. Goodbye, Alice," I said as I held the power button on my phone. Sisters.

I rolled over in hopes of continuing my excellent dreams, smiling in anticipation of what the afternoon would bring.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

What –or who- do you think he's dreaming of? : )

Ah! Things are moving along. Less introspection and more action in the following chapters. The first few have really been dragged out, but I thought it was important to get perspective from each of the main characters.

Along those lines, something I wanted to point out- while Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were mentioned during the dinner party, I don't think that they will be that big of a part in this story.

The line "It was becoming all too clear that Bella was a one woman wrecking machine," is a nod to one of my favorite bands, Guster! Yay.

****

Title from: "Grand Theft Autumn" by Fall Out Boy

  
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_  
Reviews make me happier than the New Moon clips from Comic-Con. Come on, that's some serious power in your hands!!!

Thanks to inside-the-disarray for being awesome and providing encouragement and feedback :) You can be cool like her too!

**Complete side note:** I just read chapter 51 of AngstGoddess003's Wide Awake, and I can't get over how fantastic it is. Do yourself a favor and read it!


	6. Waiting

**Mine:** a clothing collection almost solely from the Gap, Inc. family. An unhealthy attraction to Robert Pattinson. Insomnia.

**Not mine:** Anything from S.M.'s imagination.

* * *

**BPOV**:

I began to miss Forks less with every passing day. Once I finally believed in myself to concede that I _was _succeeding just by having had the courage to pick up and move to New York, everything began to fall into place.

The day after my dinner with Alice and her family, Edward made good on his promise and offered to introduce me to a few of his friends during a pick-up game of softball they were playing that afternoon at the Coney Island Boat Basin. "Do you think you can make it through a game without breaking any bones, Bella?" Edward whispered as he adjusted his baseball hat, drawing my attention to his hair. _Stare at his hair or answer?_ I tried to decide as I reminded myself to breathe. I mean- it's just HAIR- it's not like it should elicit a heart attack.

The game was less terrifying than I had planned, and I had enjoyed meeting all of his friends. One in particular, Danny, turned out to be a great contact; he had given me his business card and took my number with a promise to call if any freelance opportunities passed his way. Four days later, he called and offered me the opportunity to write a review of the Au Revoir Simone show at Bowery Ballroom that weekend. I didn't need to hear anything else- I didn't care how much it paid, I didn't care where it'd be published- I was _ecstatic. _I finally felt like a real writer.

When I texted Edward to thank him again for the introduction, I decided to see if he'd like to be my plus one. I wasn't sure if he was particularly into music, let alone Au Revoir Simone, but I figured it was a small way for me to say thanks. He agreed and we decided to meet up for dinner a few hours beforehand. I offered to meet him at his apartment, but he said he would already be in Manhattan. He texted me the address and I agreed to meet him at the 57th Street subway station.

As I exited the station and made my way onto the street, I felt disgusting. The stench of the hot, sticky subways was an unpleasant one that felt like it stuck on my skin for hours after I re-emerged above ground. When I spotted Edward waiting for me outside the exit, however, I forgot all about it

"Where are we going?" I asked Edward. "Hot dog stand? Central Park?"

"I had something a little different in mind," he said as a smile that I immediately didn't trust spread across his face.

"So, what do I need to know about this band?" he asked conversationally as he began leading the way to our mystery destination.

"Their name is Au Revoir Simone, and well…. They're odd," I confessed, hoping he wouldn't want to back out. Before I could give him the opportunity, I began spitting out facts memorized from their Wikipedia posting.

"So they're three girls who all play keyboards?" he asked, as if he missed something.

"Yes. They're local, too. I'm holding off on placing any judgment until I hear them," I said.

"Ah, so a lack of bias _can _exist in journalism?" he joked, flashing me a lopsided smile. It wasn't fair. Similar to his hair, it seemed to have magical powers. Not fair.

"Well," I exhaled, trying to regain my train of thought. "Not exactly. I did call them odd." I conceded.

"In that case, I promise not to tell anyone. We're here!" he said triumphantly as I looked upward at the building in front of us.

"You have GOT to be kidding me, Edward."

* * *

"Now, now, remember that lack of bias? Go to that place again," he said with a laugh as he nodded his head to the doorman at the front of Le Parker Meridien, one of the area's best hotels.

"EDWARD!" I whispered through my teeth. "LOOK AT ME! They're not going to let me in!" I said as I shot an embarrassed look at the smiling doorman. My best approximation of hipster chic was a world away from what the rest of the people inside the hotel were wearing.

"You're fine, in you go!" he said as he coaxed me into the revolving doors by gently pushing the small of my back forward. My shock (…and possibly covert excitement) shut me up as I took in the sights of the beautiful lobby.

I wasn't entirely unfamiliar with Le Parker Meridien; Alice had tried to talk me into lunch here earlier this week, but I convinced her that I didn't have a single thing in my wardrobe that was appropriate "ladies who lunch" attire. She conceded, although I heard the "Not for long!" she tacked to the end of her admission of defeat. This much I was sure: even WALKING past any store with Alice would be a mistake. A _costly_ one, at that.

"Edward, I expect this from Alice, but you?!" He was a traitor.

"Ah, Bella. Simmer," he joked as he once again steered me via the small of my back. _Dirty trick_, I thought.

I kept my temper tantrum at bay. Good thing I did, because not even a minute later we were in a mom-and-pop type burger shack in the middle of the hotel. "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto!" I joked as I surveyed the restaurant.

"Hidden from the society snobs and over-charged guests lies a burger oasis right in the middle of Le Parker Meridien!" he whispered in my ear, excited by my change in attitude. "Better?"

I took in the kitschy atmosphere and thought of Charlie's favorite diner at home. It was almost like I was back in Forks.

After dinner we talked a bit, and I was surprised when I looked down at the clock on my cell phone. We had to hop in a taxi to make it to the venue in time, which Edward demanded he pay for. "I was monopolizing your time," he said with a shrug. The Cullens weren't good at taking the back seat.

The show was… disappointing. I found the band to be boring, and Edward must have too, because every time I glanced at him he was looking at me. I messily scrawled the set-list and thoughts of the show onto a steno-pad I had bought at Duane Reade the day before. I glanced and saw other scribbling similarly, and I felt content. I was where I belonged.

Our time together ended quickly, as I always felt it did when with Edward. His presence put me at ease yet excited me at the same time. It didn't seem fair that he appeared to be the complete package- looks, brains, kindness… I sighed as we exited the subway station and began the now routine walk back to my apartment. _Someday_, I thought, _maybe he'll come up_. I wasn't about to jeopardize my friendship with either Edward or Alice by admitting to myself that I was interested in him as anything but a friend. But how could I not be?

"Do you realize we've known each other for a week?" he asked, pulling me out of my reverie.

"It doesn't seem possible," I said. I felt like both him and Alice were an integral part of my life. Had it really only been a week?

"Be safe," Edward once again said as he hugged me on my door step. _Friends hug! _I thought, calming myself down.

I smiled at him and stepped inside my door. Edward (or my hormones while around him) would surely be the death of me.

* * *

"Dad!" I excitedly said into the receiver as Charlie answered his phone. "Bells! Are you alright!? Do I need to call the police?!" Once a worried father, always a worried father.

"No, dad! I'm fine," I said as I attempted to calm him down. "But I'm holding my first published article!" I squeed, unable to contain my excitement. I had tried to maintain a professional façade, but Charlie wasn't someone I had to worry about impressing.

"Bells, I knew you could do it," he said with a note of pride twinkling in his voice. "Where can I get it? I'm going to have it framed."  
"Daaaaaaaaaddd," I said. How could he so easily embarrass me from across an entire country? "You don't have to frame it. But, I believe that you'll find in a few days that a copy of the Deli NYC with a byline you'll recognize." I was proud of myself, too.

He promised to reign in his excitement, but I knew that everyone in Forks would see photocopies of my article by the end of the week.

It was good hearing his voice. I had talked to him a few times over the past week, but it was hard to catch him between work and fishing. Our track record was better than mine with Jacob, who I still hadn't gotten a hold of.

"Dad, have you heard from Jacob?" I asked in between his stories about the ornery kids who were his only source of actual policing in Forks.

He paused. "Well, honey, _I _haven't heard from him," he said with a weird tone in his voice. "He hasn't been up here or called since you left."

"I can't get him on the phone, and I really miss him," I told Charlie.

"I guess just keep calling, and I'll have Billy tell him you asked for him," he said as he launched into another story.

A gut feeling told me that Jacob's avoidance was intentional and not accidental. But thousands of miles away, there was only so much I could do. After I hung up with Charlie I left Jacob another voicemail. _I'll just have to be patient and persistent,_ I decided as I began scouring the Craigslist job boards for more freelance opportunities.

* * *

**Author's Notes**:  
As Bella can attest, boys are an extremely enjoyable yet EXTREMELY frustrating part of life.  
Is Jacob avoiding her?

I've seen Au Revoir Simone live twice, and I'm not in love. Bella's supposed to be biased because she's a journalist, but I'm allowed to admit my feelings as this is a fic : p

Remember that whole _just friends_ concept? It might be blown out of the water in a few chapters. _Maybe_. I think I can be convinced with some reviews, hint hint! A lot of people have read, but only **inside-the-disarray** has reviewed. Is anyone else enjoying it? Hating it? I'm completely open to constructive criticism. I've put my fingers to the key, so won't you do the same? :)

**Title from:** "Waiting" by Cake


	7. Past the Sleep

**Mine: **A debilitating addiction to Perez Hilton. A Metro Card in the front pocket of my messenger bag that I just can't throw away. Tickets to way too many concerts.

**Not mine: **Edward (le sigh), and everything that sprang from SM's mind.

_  
(Note_: This chapter switches POV a _lot. _Sorry in advance!)

* * *

**BPOV:**

Falling to sleep at night was the hardest part of each New York day. I tossed and turned, praying for the gentle lullaby of the crickets which used to envelope me at night in Forks. Here I got ambulances, shouts from the street below, and the deafening scramble of thoughts that swirled silently around my head.

At 5:00 this particular morning, I'd been asleep for two hours (TWO HOURS!) when my phone began vibrating and lighting up from my night stand, yanking me for my fought-for slumbering.

"Hello? This better be good," I grumbled. 5:00. A.M. Too early.

"Bella," Jake slurred as I fumbled the phone.

"Is everything okay?!" I began to panic. Did something happen to Charlie? Jacob sounded upset, and it wasn't like him to call me at such an early hour.

"No, no it's not," he continued. Was he… crying? "Why did you leave me? I'm ….. here. And you are …. Not," he said with a deeply affected tone.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. Concern morphed into anger. This was bullshit.

"Jake, are you drunk?!?"

"No, no, no, Bella. Maybe a little. Okay, maybe a lot. Come home. Right now. We are supposed to be together!!! "

"Jacob Black. It is five in the morning. What is wrong with you?"

"It's not five, Bells. It's one! I'm looking at the clock. One zero zero. "

"I'm in the Eastern time zone, Jake,"

But we both knew that wasn't really the issue at hand.

"You can NOT ignore me for more than a week, then call in the middle of the night drunk off your ass and profess your love," I spat, a little too quickly and with the meanest tone I could muster.

It was a moment before he granted me a reply.

"I just……… miss you, Bella," was all he had to say.

"Then maybe next time tell me when you're sober and it's not the middle of the night here. I miss you too, Jake."

The conversation didn't go on much longer. What was there to say at that moment? Jacob was drunk and crying. I was bitter and tired- emotionally and physically. _There's nothing more I can do tonight_, I decided as I rolled over and attempted sleep.

**

* * *

  
EPOV:**

I found myself punching the keys of Alice's MacBook a little too roughly as she peered at me from a chair in her living room.

"Edward," Alice began.

"Not now, Alice," I replied automatically. Sure, I was in her front room, but that didn't mean that I was in the mood to talk. If I weren't desperately trying to avoid thinking (let alone talking) about it, I'd be in my own apartment. No.

"It's time," she said simply.

* * *

**APOV:**

Since Edward and I were teenagers, we had a secret ritual. Whenever we had a bad day, we'd go to the roof of the highest building around and drop water balloons on passers below. It was childish, but it was the one thing that we could agree on… the reactions of the unfortunate targets were better than a shopping spree at Sephora. Well, maybe for Edward…

When we moved to New York, it was significantly harder than when we had lived in Columbus with our parents. Doormen had to be bribed, the balloons had to be covertly concealed, and we had to look out for police. Once I moved into my current apartment though, the ends justified any means. Even though the Upper East Side and the snooty women who lived here were was now a large part of my world, I still got an immediate sense of gratification after I dropped a balloon and heard them freak out several stories below. They could complain to my doorman, Mr. Bellsky, but it was in vain- Edward and I had paid him off the week I'd moved in.

We mobilized quickly and silently, Edward grabbing the balloons and filling them up as I gathered scarves to conceal our identities as well as a large handbag to transport the balloons. It wasn't as though the scarves were necessary- no one could see us. But _somehow _Edward let me get away with it every time. Dress-up and mischief in one fell swoop!

Whoever had the worst day dropped the first balloon, that was our rule. Edward sidled up to the wall of the roof, casually peering at the street below through his Ray Bans, picking out his first target. After a moment, he found her; as the balloon dropped through the air, he ducked down, barely sticking his head over the ledge. While we couldn't watch the aftermath of the drop, the simple act was enough in itself.

We laughed and collapsed on a wide bench set to overlook the city from the rooftop.

I knew that he would tell me his problems in his own way; I wouldn't push.

"I feel like I've fucked up my life, Alice," he said quietly. I waited for him to continue; now was the time to listen, not to talk.

"I haven't done anything since I've graduated. I'm living off of mom and dad. I suddenly find no interest in continuing my course study at NYU. I don't know what to do with my life."

No one was ever as hard on Edward as he was himself. Even when we were kids, he would throw a fit when he received anything but an A on assignments. I swear he didn't even comprehend the concept of having fun- that is, until he bombed a physics test and we began our pedestrian target practices.

"Focus on the positives," I reminded him. "You got a world class education. Once you do find your calling, you'll be unstoppable. You've got killer instincts. And even better aim," I said, connecting with his sad eyes as I winked at him.

The only thing Edward wasn't skilled at was believing in himself.

He reached out his arm and wrapped it around me, pulling me into a hug. I did all I could do- I hugged him back tightly.

* * *

**  
EPOV:**

I left Alice's shortly after one of our targets threatened to call the police, leaving us in hysterics as we quietly tried to make our way back inside. Alice always knew how to comfort me in her own way.

She was right, of course; from the outside, my life may have looked perfect. I didn't have to work. I resided in a city where millions would kill to live. I had a wonderful family. Just because you have an assortment of puzzle pieces doesn't mean that they'll fit together.

I felt like I was wasting my life. My problem was that even though I had identified the problem, I wasn't sure how I could fix it.

Bella plagued my every thought. Her small mannerisms made me smile, like her tendency to bite her lip when a band was off at a concert. The way she twisted her hair and smiled when she heard something she liked. A fervor overtook her when she was particularly moved by an act, causing her to scrawl several pages worth of notes attempting to capture every moment of the set as she saw it. She was living her dream. She was succeeding. I was enamored with her and happy for her success. At the same time, it made me feel less about myself in comparison.

I didn't want to be better only for me. If I could get my own shit together, maybe I would be worthy of her. The only _her _that had been on my radar in the past two years. As I walked home to my apartment in Union Square, I desperately wished Brooklyn were my destination.

But before I could be the man for Bella, I had to become a man on my own.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Angst-a-licious! With a little bit of fluff thrown in. I just love to imagine super serious Edward and energetically uptight Alice causing mayhem with the Gossip Girl types below.

So, a little bit of a downer of a chapter, right? It will eventually be sunny skies, but these are hard issues that many people their age face. So stick with it. This wasn't my fave chapter to read _or _write, but it was necessary.

I've decided to adopt a strategy from the fantastic **inside-the-disarray­**: If you review any chapters, I'll send you a sneak-peak at the next chapter before it's posted. And it's going to be getting good, that's all I'm saying.

So what are you waiting for?!

P.S. Did anyone pick up the nod to the film? Vampiric baseball players are less scary than Alice when she gets an idea in her head... hint.

**Title from:** "Past the Sleep" by Company of Thieves  
(I _**hardcore **_recommend them. See my profile for links.)


	8. Still Fighting It

**Things that belong to me: **A sweet new argyle sweater. A stunted wardrobe that needs to be supplemented. Tickets to the Silversun Pickups show in Columbus this week! Yesss.

**Things that don't belong to me:** Edward, Bella, Alice, or anything from S.M.'s dreams.

**

* * *

****BPOV:**

I was in the midst of some of the best sleep I'd gotten since I had left Forks. I was in the middle of a pleasant dream about meeting my favorite band. Life was good.

Very,_ very _few people could get away with pulling me from a slumber this great without facing verbal repercussions.

Edward Cullen was one of these people.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to disguise the edge of fatigue tingeing my voice.

"Hello, Bella. I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me through the city today? Maybe explore or go to dinner," he said.

"Sounds great!" Oh God, how transparent was I? _Play it cool, Bella!_ I chided myself. "Do you have any plans for us in particular?"

"It's a surprise. Can I meet you at your apartment?"

"Sure, by the time you get here I should be ready. Just text me when you get off the subway. And be safe," I said, turning his most repeated line back onto him.

He laughed into the receiver, but something sounded a bit off.

"I'll see what I can do. Goodbye, Bella."

I quickly showered and threw on some jeans and a concert t-shirt. One of the biggest benefits of a day with Edward versus a day with Alice was a majorly relaxed dress-code. Okay, that and the eye candy.

In the almost month that I had spent in the city, I had spent an uncountable number of nights with Edward. He had been with me at every concert that I had reviewed. He patiently showed me the best subway routes to the places of the city which were still unfamiliar to me. He routinely walked me to my apartment at the end of our time together, and the gap between us as we said our goodbyes continued to shrink every time. If 24 hours passed without seeing him, I'd inexplicably feel sad. I was pretty sure I was addicted to Edward.

I wished I could read Edward's mind, even just once. To survey the depths and see if there was _any_ hint of my feelings pulsing in his veins. I wanted to tell Edward about my feelings, but the only thing worse than hiding them would be to find him cut out of my life altogether. More than anything, though, I wanted to push him against my door and kiss him deeply instead of his nightly "Be safe" falling upon my ears.

_Bad Bella._

I had carefully surveyed the signs in my mind. His almost constant presence and ridiculous paranoia for my safety seemed to hint that he might feel similarly. But after a month of dropping me off in front of my door with nary a kiss, lingering glances, or offers to accompany him to his apartment, I had all but lost hope. That didn't mean I couldn't imagine kissing him, though. A little all too frequently, at that.

I sat on my recently purchased couch (I was moving up!) and tried to sweep all less-than-puritanical thoughts of Edward from my mind. Once I finally had succeeded, my phone vibrated with a text message, and my heart was thumping once again. _Back to square one_, I thought as I sighed and quickly locked my door and caught an elevator to the lobby.

As I saw Edwards face through the door at the main entrance, I was shocked by the dark circles under his eyes and the sad expression on his face. Hauntingly beautiful. Concern overtook my mind.

"What's wrong?" I demanded as I threw open the door. Edward widened his eyes as the door hit the wall with a thud.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"…Nothing's wrong," he said. "Are you ready to go?"

"You look like hell," I said without thinking. "Well, I mean, not hell, but…"

"I'll be fine," he said unconvincingly.

"I forgot something upstairs, would you mind running back up with me?"

I lied. If he wanted to evade my questions, I could be tricky in return.

"Sure," he said as we entered the building.

If I hadn't been silently freaking over what Edward wasn't saying, I may have remembered that my apartment was not entirely presentable. As it was, though, the thought didn't enter my mind until I re-opened the door.

"Oh…. It might take me a while to find it," I said with an apologizing tone. "Have a seat," I gestured to the couch.

He sat in a midst of notepads, magazines, and pictures, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Screw the evasions! I decided as I moved the notebooks and sat beside him.

"Edward, what is wrong. I'm not buying 'nothing', either." I said sternly.

The look on my face told him that it wasn't up for discussion.

"Do you want to talk here or on the way wherever you had planned?"

"Here," he said in a low voice.

* * *

**EPOV:**

As I sat on Bella's couch, my heart felt as if it was pounding from inside my throat. I didn't know where to begin. The beginning, I decided.

"This is kind of a long story, is that okay?"

She nodded. I didn't want her to look so worried.

"When I was in high school, I was a pretty serious kid. My life revolved around school, grades, and my future. During my freshman year I decided that I needed to decide on a college. I threw myself into researching towns, colleges, and post-graduation employment rates."

I hadn't really admitted this to anyone other than my family before. Other than to Dr. Bain, that is.

"As high school progressed and I got closer to graduation, I steadily felt worse. My stomach ached constantly, I couldn't fall asleep, and once I did I'd wake up every hour. At the insistence of my parents, I went to see a psychologist, Dr. Bain, at the beginning of my senior year. After a few sessions, he diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder."

Bella was focused on me with a caring look on her face. I knew she was open-minded, but I hoped that my admissions wouldn't taint her opinion of me.

"I was on Buspirone for the remainder of my senior year, and once I began college I felt well enough to stop taking it. That last through… well, probably about two months ago," I finished as I hid my face in my hands.

"I'm sorry if I pressured you into tell me," Bella said. When I looked up to glance at her, I noticed there were tears welling up in her eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I asked, voice still raspy with remembrance of far less happy times.

"I'm not crying," she said as she wiped falling tears from the sides of her eyes. "I'm fine, I'm just worried about you."

"I'm going to find a new doctor," I promised.

"Why do you think you've been feeling anxious?" She asked me, still wiping her eyes.

"Hey, stop that," I said gently as I wiped away a tear from her face with my own fingers.

"I had a lot of pre-conceived ideas about what my life would be like post-college. I envisioned working hard and rising to the top of a big company, traveling a lot, finding someone to spend my life with," I said with a sigh.

"So far, none of it has really worked out. I'm two years out of school and I'm no better than I was fresh out of high school. I see everyone around me succeeding, and I just wonder why it isn't happening for me," I said stoically. "I'm not trying to complain, it's just…. It's just not what I expected. I feel like I'm not good enough for my family, my friends, or…" I said, mentally adding _for you_. I was surprised to feel tears prickling at my own eyes. _Great_, I thought as we sat in silence.

"Edward?" Bella's voice called me from my own reflections.

"You are too hard on yourself," she said, taking my hand into hers.

"Hey," she whispered, moving my face with our combined hands to look at her, continuing speaking once we locked eyes.

"The only thing you need to be great is to be yourself."

My heart lunged. She didn't hate me. She didn't think I was a freak. As I looked into her eyes, still glistening, I knew I couldn't hold it back anymore.

"I want to be great enough for you, Bella." I said as I leaned in closer to her. It was all or nothing.

"You are more perfect to me than you'll ever know," she said, closing the distance between the two of us.

I gently cupped the side of her face with my hand, and kissed Bella with the month's worth of fervor that had been building up inside me.

I was ecstatic when Bella kissed me back, softly at first, building with urgency.

"Edward," she whispered. Was she not comfortable with this? I pulled back immediately.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked, smiling.

I wrapped my arms around her and continued the most perfect first kiss in history.

* * *

**Author's Note:  
**  
AH!!!!! It's about time, right?

Thoughts on what might happen next chapter? Will they keep their relationship a secret or broadcast it from the rooftops?

Thanks to those who reviewed last chapter. Those who review this or any previous chapter will find a preview of the next chapter in their inbox before it's posted, so it's definitely worth your while to drop me a line or two : )

**Title from: **"Still Fighting It" by Ben Folds


	9. There is a Light That Never Goes Out

**Mine:** The (500) Days of Summer soundtrack! The sadness that comes with the close of every weekend. A car badly in need of alignment… I'm not sure what that means.

**Not mine:** You know, the usual. S.M. owns. But Robert Pattinson's all mine : )

* * *

**BPOV:**

Dying. I was dying.

In the best way possible.

I couldn't comprehend all that Edward had just told me. I couldn't blame myself- his lips were moving against mine. _If I hadn't bought this couch, this may have very well taken place on top of laundry piles,_ I laughed to myself. My body felt so extremely warm, like I was lit from the inside by a supernova.

Surreal. It was all _so _surreal. For a month I'd imagined Edward in this way, and now that it was here… I felt the need to pinch him to make sure it was.

I was satisfied with running my hands through his crazier-than-usual hair, though.

"Edward," I whispered, not making any efforts to conceal the huge, goofy smile which had overtaken my face.

He immediately pulled back and looked at me seriously. Did he think I wanted to stop?

"Where do you think you're going?" I almost purred. If I weren't so intoxicated by his presence, I would've laughed at how ridiculous I was being. One kiss and I was already flipping my shit.

I wrapped my arms around his torso and resumed our kiss, feeling his heart thumping as wildly as mine. His hands tentatively brushed over my arms, exploring the space between us. I found myself moaning to quiet any questions of whether this was what I wanted. Well, that and because I was fucking kissing Edward Cullen.

My hands roamed his body. His face. His hair. His abs. Holy shit, his abs. How had they been hiding so thoroughly?I lifted his shirt, needing to see them. About halfway up his chest, Edward grabbed the shirt, and more swiftly than I could ever describe, took it off and threw it against my wall. _Good shirt._

I was touching Edward. He was _definitely _touching me.

He had moved his hands from my arms downwards until he reached my hips, grasping them as we started to recline in tandem.

MY COUCH. I was HORIZONTAL on MY COUCH with EDWARD CULLEN.

I reached down to pull my own shirt off when Edward's cell phone loudly vibrated from the pocket of his casually discarded shirt, now resting against my wall.

"Mmm, ignore it," he said as he wrapped his hands around the back of my neck and supported my head as the rest of his body leaned against mine.

_No problem!_ I thought as I worked on memorizing the perfect shape of his torso. _Like I could ever forget this._

Not even ten seconds after Edward's phone stopped ringing, I heard my own phone go off inside my bag. "_To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die_," the Smiths serenaded us as Edward smiled at me from above.

"One of us should probably answer," he said, standing up.

"To be continued? Nice ringtone, by the way."

Without saying a word, I was pretty sure he knew that the ringtone was chosen with him in mind. I guessed we were beyond pretenses now, so I smiled as I scooped my bag from the floor below, ignoring the crooked smile plastered on his face. I was momentarily distracted as he turned to retrieve his own phone from its resting place. Edward's back was as beautiful as his abs. I had it bad.

"Alice?" I read from the screen once I managed to tear my eyes away from Edward. "She called and texted me too," Edward called from across the room.

"Hello, Alice? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, it's fine, Bella! How's _your _day going?" she asked, sounding like maybe she was suppressing a giggle. Unless she was outside my window, though, I highly doubted she'd _ever _guess the truth.

"You know… it's a beautiful day," I said, eyes sparkling as I caught Edward's attention. "Certainly nothing but blue skies over here in Brooklyn."

"Glad to hear it!" Alice was the only person I knew who spoke in exclamation points.

"I was wondering…. Is Edward with you?" she asked.

"Yeah, do you wanna talk to him? Let me grab him," I said, handing the phone off to Edward. _Let him be on the hot seat_, I thought.

My mind was racing, imagining what Alice was saying on the other line. Edward was disagreeing with her over something, but not unkindly.

"I don't think so, Al," he began. "We already have plans, and…"

His face grew red. I seriously needed subtitles,_ something_!

"If you insist… How about I check," he conceded. "I'll give you a call back in a little bit. GoodBYE, Alice."

He snapped the phone shut and handed it in my direction.

I waited for him to speak, not wanting to be invasive.

"Alice wants to know if we want to go to-" he paused, surveying my face. "Rebel with her and Jasper."

"What's Rebel?" I asked.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," he said, eyes twinkling in mischief. "But Alice says to wear the pink Betsey Johnson dress she gave you last week."

"That was a Betsey Johnson!?" I squeaked. Alice was constantly trying to sneak new things into my wardrobe. Sometimes I wore them, sometimes they made friends with the other rejects in the back of my closet. "I'm going to kill her," I promised.

"Believe me, I understand more than you know." Sometime during our conversation he had put his shirt back on, and was in the process of re-arranging his hair. Later, I promised to myself.

"Okay, well I'm gonna…" I awkwardly pointed into my bedroom. "Feel free to use my laptop or listen to some music," I said, running into my bathroom.

Breathe, I told myself. As soon as I saw my hair in the mirror, I laughed and all nerves dissipated. _I hope he finds haystacks sexy_, I thought as I jumped into the shower.

***

When I retreated from the bathroom fully dressed, I found Edward back on my couch, hunched over my iPod in a fit of laughter.

"And what is so funny?"

"…'Total Eclipse of the Heart'?"

"…HEY! It's not easy being a single girl!" I said, laughing as I tried – unsuccessfully- to grab the iPod from his hands.

"Well, I don't know much about that," he said as he caught my wrist in his hand and peppered my face with kisses.

"You look beautiful," he murmured, his lips brushing against my ear.

"You're going to kill me. KILL me," I said dramatically, touching his face. Just because I could.

"'To die by your side…'" he quoted with a smile. Oh, he was good.

"So, Casanova, what time are we meeting Alice and Jasper?"

"We should probably catch a taxi. She said they were on their way, and you know how Alice is about timeliness."

He wasn't kidding. She was downright scary when someone was late.

"As a fringe benefit, Alice will probably blow her gasket when she sees that I'm wearing a hideous old t-shirt and beat up jeans!" He channeled Alice convincingly.

"Do you want to stop by your apartment and change?" I asked.

"No, that's okay," he said quickly. "This will ensure that nothing will be boring."

"As if anything could be boring with the Cullens in tow," I said as I turned to lock the door.

* * *

It's a good thing that the taxi driver had a partition between him and us, because I'm pretty sure we were nauseating the whole way to Manhattan. As Edward sighed contentedly beside me, something suddenly popped into my mind.

"Edward, do we … do we say anything to Alice?" I asked. The whole situation was atypical. I wasn't sure what the proper protocol was for hooking up with your friend's sibling. Although, I really hoped it was more than just hooking up.

Edward laughed and looked at me like I had just said the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"Bella, do you really think Alice isn't going to notice something is different between us?"

She did seem super observant. I had noticed that Edward hadn't stopped smiling since our first kiss. If the aching of my face was any indication, I hadn't either.

"That damn pixie probably already knows," Edward said, possibly to himself.

"What do you mean? Did you have plans of Mrs. Robinson-ing me?"

"I wish I had that much foresight. Alice just has a knack of knowing these things. I'm prepared for her to pounce on us the minute we get out of the cab," he said, matter-of-factly.

"So what do we tell her?" I asked, heart in my throat as I hoped he'd say what I wanted him to say.

"Well," Edward began as he kissed the side of my neck. "I guess that depends on how you feel about … us." His voice sounded different as he hesitated with his words. Was he actually nervous!?

"Mr. Cullen, I'm quite aware how I feel about us. But I'm wondering… how do you feel about us?" Maybe I was a bit nervous too.

"It'll be fifty-eight bucks," the cab driver's gruff voice called out from the front.

WOW! Expensive, I thought as I tried to grab my wallet from my purse.

"Not necessary," Edward said to me as he handed the cabbie several bills.

"Edward!" I exclaimed. He wasn't paying for the entire fare.

"Out you go!" he said pleasantly as he exited the car and opened my door for me.

Exiting a cab was hard enough for me on a good day, excruciating in a fancy pink dress and low-heeled pumps. As my first foot made its way to the sidewalk, my second one got twisted on a seat belt on the seat, effectively making me trip forward.

"You're beautiful even when lacking grace," Edward said as he caught me mid-fall.

"Don't worry about Alice. I'll handle it. And we can continue this conversation later," he told me as we sidled up to a very long line.

"Edward…really?" I asked as I finally realized what was happening.

* * *

"Edward! Bella!" Alice screamed as she caught sight of us from her perch at the bar. She immediately bounded from her seat and wrapped us in a hug. Jasper waved, grabbed their drinks and suggested we go upstairs to escape the crowd.

Rebel was not the kind of place that I could imagine Alice enjoying; her sunny disposition and cheery wardrobe clashed with the dim lit and rocker attitudes of our fellow club-goers. The walls were black, appeared to be sticky, and were obviously to be avoided at all costs. I pictured Alice as more of a Waldorf-Astoria bar kind of girl.

"A nightclub, Alice?" I questioned. Edward's reaction to her invitation on the phone suddenly made sense.

"Oh, shush, Bella! You look gorgeous, by the way," she said as she stood on her tiptoes to swirl me around. Typically, my feet tangled together and I nearly ended up on the floor.

"I'm not here to dance," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm working on a new collection, one outside of my usual range."

"No sunshine? No rainbows? No puppies?" Edward joked.

"Edward, I am not Lisa Frank," she responded with a pout. "And I'll be speaking with you in a minute," she said in a lower voice.

"Bella!" Jasper interrupted, much to my pleasure. "Would you like to dance?"

"Jasper, I don't think I can dignify that with a response. You should know me that well by now," I said with a wink. "But how about we go get a round at the bar?"

"Perfect," he agreed.

I scrunched up my face and stuck my tongue out at Edward. Essentially, I was feeding him to the wolves. But if anyone could handle Alice, I knew it was him.

* * *

**EPOV:**

As Bella and Jasper retreated, Alice firmly planted herself directly in front of me.

"So, Edward…" she began. I knew she was going to enjoy this. It was like a python playing with a mouse in its cage before it became food.

"Have a pleasant afternoon?" she finally asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"It was one of the better I've had in recent memory," I responded, playing it coy. The best thing about Alice's attempts at torture was that she was notoriously lacking in patience, making it hard for her to draw out any questioning.

"EDWARD! Just tell me! Are you and Bella together?" She demanded, clutching my arm with one hand while holding the other against her heart.

"My, Alice, you certainly have a flair for the dramatic."

"That doesn't answer my question!"

"Oh, that must be frustrating for you…"

So perhaps the position of python was a fun one to play in this scenario. Alice was sending up her best withering stare, but its strength all but dissipated in the twelve inches between our faces.

"I'm not sure of anything yet," I finally caved, slouching so she could hear me more easily.

"What happened?! Tell me everything," she growled in excitement.

"You know I'm not going to do that." Aside from enjoying teasing her, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Especially when he was unsure about what the kiss (….or series of kisses) meant.

"But you want to be with her, right?" she questioned, looking hopefully into my eyes.

"I have never wanted anything more than to be with Bella Swan," I said earnestly. I found my admission answered with the clearing of a throat behind me.

"I got you a shot, man," Jasper said as he handed me a double shot glass with what I could only assume was vodka inside. I wasn't a drinker, usually, but for obvious reasons my nerves were a little frayed.

"To us," Alice said, holding her own shot at arm's length to toast the rest of us.

"To us," we repeated and threw back the shots.

"Burn," Bella said almost immediately, pointing at her throat. "Ouch."

Bella had never drank around me, so maybe she was a non-drinker also.

"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

"It's been a while since college. I guess I'm out of practice," she said, shrugging while still motioning to her throat. "I'm going to get a water."

"I'll come with you," I said while turning to Alice and Jasper.

"Go with her, I just really wanted to get you guys here so I could investigate," Alice admitted with a ridiculous smile on her face. _Pixie_, I thought as I shot her a look.

"Oh, shut up! You knew that before you got here." True enough.

***

Bella was trying in vain to get the attention of the bartender. Not caring anymore whether Alice saw or not, I wrapped my arms around her body and tenderly kissed the inside of her neck.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. Typically I didn't enjoy showiness with money, but with a supremely crowded bar, I knew it could be a while before we were served.

The bartender approached us almost immediately, and smiled widely as I gave him the $20 in exchange for a glass of water.

"You didn't have to do that," Bella said as she looked up at me through her beautiful eyelashes. "But thank you."

"You are more than welcome."

We found Alice and Jasper seated at a low table against a wall, Alice flipping through several pages of sketches that were strewn across the table.

"If this hemline were just a little bit higher, and the cut of the neck a little more.." Alice rambled, oblivious to our return. She was in work mode. Poor Jasper. Poor us.

"Alice?" Bella asked tentatively, not wanting to interrupt a moment of genius. "I'm not feeling well. I'm sorry to cut our visit short, but would you mind terribly if I left?"

Clearly I was mistaken. Bella was the genius.

"You know, Alice, I should really make sure she gets home okay, her not feeling well and all…" I added.

Alice peeled her eyes from her sketches and smiled knowingly at us. "I don't mind at all. I just hope you use your time together wisely!"

"ALICE!" I grimaced through my teeth.

"See you later, Alice, Jasper," Bella said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the staircase.

"Was that better or worse than you anticipated?" I asked, still unsure myself.

"You never know what you're getting into with Alice," was her only response.

As we stepped out onto the street, I heard Bella exclaim loudly.

"GROSS!"

"What?" I asked, somewhat amused.

"Why is there a pile of trash bags on the sidewalk?" She asked, disgust obvious in her tone.

"Welcome to Manhattan."

As I hailed a taxi, I made a split second decision. "Bella, I have to tell you something."

A taxi pulled up, and we both slid in. "Where to?" the driver asked. "Just follow me here," I told Bella.

"Union Square West at 15th, please," I replied.

"Where are you we going?"

"Don't get mad," seemed the best place to begin.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Bella said, looking uncomfortable as her back pressed into the corners of the seat and the door.

"You don't live in Brooklyn. You only pretended to live there so you could follow me home. You didn't tell me the truth for… oh, I don't know, twenty eight days or so?" she shrieked. I felt terrible.

"I know it was wrong. After the first night when I escorted you home, though, I didn't know how to bring it up. I didn't want to seem creepy. I… I just knew I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you." It was all honesty.

"That doesn't make it right, Edward." She had now turned her back to me, watching the city pass by as we traveled in silence. Save for the unintelligible conversation our driver was having via his Bluetooth, that is.

"I understand if you can't forgive me," I said as I turned to look out my own window. Leave it to me to fuck up something in retrospect rather than the present moment. "I will pay for the cab to take you home if that's what you want," I told her as the cabbie slowed to a near stop at border of Union Square. I was typically not an emotional man, but I knew that if Bella left without forgiving me I was going to have a somber night to say the least.

She turned to look at me, eyes wet with tears.

"You lied to me," she whispered as she shook her head.

"If I knew-" I began to choke out, but I knew it wasn't enough. Words couldn't be enough. I dejectedly climbed out of the car. Fuck.

"I apologize, Bella. I would escort you home, but…"

"That's okay, Edward. I'll take the subway."

"Nonsense," I said as I handed the driver a far larger bill than our combined trips would necessitate.

"4th Avenue at 3rd Street. Brooklyn," I told the driver.

"Be safe," I whispered as I saw a tear roll down her face.

"Goodbye, Edward," I heard her say as the cab pulled away.

And so it seemed I was back to square one.

* * *

**Author's Note:**  
WHOA! This is like three chapters in one, right?  
Thank you to Edward5953 for the suggestion to make the chapters longer. It may take me longer to write them, but I think the flow will be much better.

AH! Those crazy lovebirds. They finally connect only to have it blow up in their faces!  
Patience has never been a virtue I was particularly blessed with, but wait this one out.

I just saw (500) Days of Summer last night, and I completely fell in love with the soundtrack. Hence the inclusion of "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" (the Smiths) in the plot as well as the title. The Twilight version of Bella probably wouldn't listen to Morrisey or the Smiths, but since this Bella's musical tastes are selfishly modeled after my own, it stuck. I still haven't made my mind up about my overall opinion of the movie, though. I'd recommend it, but it made me sad. I'm not a fan of sad! (HAHA despite this heartfail of a chapter.)

Thanks to the kick-ass readers who have reviewed so far. I genuinely appreciate (and respond to) every one.

Review this chapter or any other chapter and I'll send you a sneak peek from Chapter 10!

**Title From:** There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by the Smiths


	10. We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

**Mine:** Freshly painted fingernails. A rented book from the library on HTML. A playlist to accompany this chapter (see profile for link.)

**Not mine:** Edward Cullen. Edward Schmullen… maybe.

* * *

**EPOV:  
**

When life is good, it moves way too quickly.  
When it goes badly, however, an hour can seem like an entire week.

"Why are you here, Edward?"  
_  
Because I haven't eaten in three days. Because I haven't slept for more than three hours in as many. Because I fucked up._The answers came easily in my mind, but I wasn't ready to delve into that with Dr. Travato.

"You came highly recommended from Carlisle," I sighed.

"Your father is an old friend, indeed, Edward. But I see in your file that you haven't been on medication or seeing a psychologist since high school. What brought you here to see me today?"

My gaze shifted. So far I had studied the fish tank, his desk, the windows and the Kleenex box on the table in front of me. I was running out of things to distract me from Dr. Trovato's persistent gaze. Deep inside, I knew that if I truly wanted to get better that I would have to be open and honest.

"I'm here today because I want to get better. I _have _to get better," I sighed. "For me… and for her."

********

The past week and a half had been miserable to say the least.

As I watched the taxi carrying Bella pull away, I knew that there was no way I could go home.

Throughout our ride to the club and the entire time we had been there I had imagined Bella in my apartment. On my couch. In my bed. With me in my shower.

After my brilliant idea crashed and burned, I found myself wandering the streets of Manhattan. I roamed with no perception of which direction I travelled in, only wishing myself as far away from my home as possible. And far from Brooklyn.

When the aching in my legs became unbearable, I glanced at the time on my cell phone. 3 A.M. At some point I had made my way to the border of Central Park, and as I glanced upward I saw a sign marking 99th Street. I had walked over eighty blocks.

The eighty blocks hadn't brought me any clarity over how to fix my egregious error with Bella. Until I made it right there was no way I could go home. Before I knew it, I found myself in a taxi and checking into a room at the Waldorf-Astoria.

"Do you have any luggage, Mr. Cullen?" inquired the gentleman at the front desk.

"No, thank you."

As I began to retreat, key in hand, a thought crossed my mind.

"Sir?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen,"

"Could the name on my room be switched?" I asked, trying not to come off as creepy. "It's a sort of vacation for me, and I don't want to be hounded with calls from my assistant," I said unconvincingly.

His eyes gave me a once over, surely noting that I looked more like a mental patient than a traveling businessman. My hair was tugged in every direction. My eyes were surely dull and lifeless. My face was swollen from the first thirty blocks of my walk, in which I had given in to my urge to cry. To hurry the process, I slipped him a fifty dollar bill.

"Absolutely, Mr. Cullen," a smile lighting up his face as he tucked the bill in his pocket.

"Any preferences on the name?"

"Ass. Mr. Jack Ass."

It was true.

Before receiving confirmation, I retreated to the elevators. Once inside the room, I turned the lock, shut off the lights, and tossed sleeplessly on the comforters.

The night brought me no comfort, and I deserved every bit of the misery I was feeling.

********

Three days into my stay, a rapt knock on my door pulled me from my shell of comforters and pillows.

"Go away," I called weakly.

I hadn't eaten a thing since I had checked in.

I felt weak, disgusting, and all alone.

The knocker persisted. Since willing them to leave with solely my mind hadn't worked, I trudged out of bed, bringing my cocoon of sheets with me. As I passed the desk in the outer room of my suite, I saw my appearance for the first time since the incident. I looked like hell. But not as bad as I felt.

Without looking through the peep-hole, I threw open the door with my eyes closed.

"WHAT." It wasn't as much of a question as it was a broadcast of my discontent.

"If I weren't worried sick about you as it is, I would be kicking your ass right now."

Alice.

"How did you find me, Alice," I sighed.

"Your credit card. Dad had it traced. Mr. Jack Ass? Really?" she questioned as she stormed into the suite without invitation.

"Shower. NOW," she demanded as she grabbed my arm and led me in the direction of the bathroom.

"I. Am. Fine." Pissed didn't even begin to describe my emotions. I was far past the age of needing a babysitter.

"Have you looked in the mirror, Edward?" she asked, a pained tone overtaking her voice. I was always doing this. I was the master of letting everyone around me down.

"You're wearing the same clothes as the last time I saw you. You haven't showered. The circles under your eyes are so black that I'm wondering if it's from lack of sleep or if you got in a fight. You look anything but _fine_." Her concern morphed into anger.

"I-" I couldn't disagree with her. As I watched her turn on the shower, I realized I had began crying again.

"You are _NOT_ fine," Alice emphasized. "But we have an appointment to catch, so I need you to shower now."

After she left the room, the force of the water hitting my face called me back to consciousness. What was I doing?

I heard Alice's voice before I found her after I showered and changed my clothes. "He looks _bad_, mom. It's worse than I've ever seen him," she said lowly. "I don't know how I'm going to convince him to come with me," she continued.

"Alice, it's okay. I'll go wherever is necessary," I said, my voice shocking her.

"Thanks again for the address mom, I- we- will call you later," she ended the call.

"What do we do now?" I asked, her expression causing me to panic slightly.

"We're going to see one of dad's friends, Dr. Trovato."

* * *

**BPOV:**

I hunched over my laptop, starting my playlist at the first song. According to the play count on iTunes, I'd listened to this playlist forty times since I created it yesterday. It was meant to be an anti-love, anti-boy, anti-Edward Cullen soundtrack, but all it did was make me think of him more. And miss him.

There was a fork in the road ahead of me; I could either remain stationary on my couch for several more days, or I could get back to actually living life. While the former was definitely tempting, I knew that the world couldn't stop spinning just because I was a sad girl.

"One more listen," I decided as I let the sounds of Alkaline Trio take over my mind.

****

Step one to re-joining my life was to follow through with my commitment of covering the Los Campesinos! Show at Webster Hall. I had gotten a fairly steady flow of concert gigs, and broken heart or not, I didn't want to piss anyone off with a last moment cancellation.

"I should be on the guest list," I told the lady at the door. From the look on her face I could tell that she didn't _care _who I was, she just wanted to go home.

_That makes two of us_.

I got a decent spot along the upper level of the venue, arriving early enough to snag one of the coveted tables on the edge of the mezzanine.

The trick to concert-going as a freelancer was to come late; I had ignored my own rule tonight, anxious to finally get off of my couch, and now found myself with an hour wait before even the headliner would go on.

Although drinking in my current emotional state seemed a dangerous choice, I decided to get a martini to pass the time.

As I waited patiently at the bar, I got the feeling that someone was staring at me. _Hardcore _staring. Maybe even ogling?

I turned to find the offender, and was brought face to face with a pretty hipster boy.

"Oof." Oh great. I sounded like I spoke idiot.

"What was that?" he asked, smiling as he moved a few steps closer to me.

"Oh, I just was saying hi," I said, allowing my hair to make a veil around my face as I looked downward at my shoes. The deep blush overtaking my face was a sort of warm reminder of happier times. Embarrassing times in the moment, but happy ones in retrospect.

"Hi back. I'm Mike, let me buy you a drink." He motioned for the bartender, winking at me in the process.

Oh no. Mike loved himself. Mike loved himself a LOT.

"What's your poison, baby?" Seriously? More winking?

"I…. uh, actually I just wanted a water," I wanted no part of drinking near this guy.

"She'll have a cherry bomb," he told the bartender, slapping $20 onto the bar.

"I'm sorry, I actually don't feel well. I should be going," I attempted to politely excuse myself as he gave the bartender his own order.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked a little loudly with a little too much anger, grabbing my arm to stop me from turning around.

I jerked my arm back, repressing the urge to punch him. "Just so you know, it's rude to touch people without their permission," I spat as I threw $6 at him to cover the cherry bomb which I wouldn't be drinking.

Like so many guys of his type, he was unfazed by the scene. He rolled his eyes and turned to his right, only to find another girl to his right.

_And this is why I will be single forever_, I thought as I made my way back to my seat sans water.

*****

I had my eyes peeled for any recurring visits from Mr. Douchetastic, but so far I was in luck.

Los Campesinos! finally took the stage around 9:30, and I was pleasantly surprised by their performance. During the end of the set, one song in particular caught my attention. The tone was rather upbeat, with a driving flurry of keyboard and vocals. I found myself bobbing my head. The tone suddenly slowed, and the band pulled back to give the vocalist the spotlight.

_"You feel terrified at the thought of being left behind  
Of losing everybody, the necessity of dying  
Oh, WE KID OURSELVES THERE'S FUTURE IN THE FUCKING,  
BUT THERE IS NO FUCKING FUTURE!  
I'm just practicing my accents, picking at old sutures."_

It was probably my favorite show that I had seen yet in New York, but the lyrics hit a little too closely for comfort.

"We are beautiful. We are doomed," he ended the song on an optimistic note, clearly.

Suddenly, my couch seemed very inviting.

***

My meager success as a freelancer meant that I could afford to take taxis to shows, which was a relief because the subway still creeped me out at night.

_Up until last week, I wouldn't have had to worry about it because Edward would have been walking me home,_ I thought as I gave the cabbie my address.

Kelly Ripa's too-perky voice blared from the TV screen in the partition between the front and back seats.  
I fumbled to find the mute button, preferring my own inner ramblings.

Edward had messed up. He had lied to me about something really random. If he'd lie to me about where he lived, what else would he lie about? It made it hard to imagine trusting him.

But I knew that he hadn't lied just for the sake of lying. He was concerned about the safety of a girl who had just moved to New York a day prior, a girl who was still not versed in the nighttime climate of an often dangerous city.

I couldn't decide if I was making excuses for him or simply looking at the situation objectively.

As we raced through the city, I remained lost in my own thoughts. I didn't have to make any decisions tonight, but I wished that I could. Both sleep and my appetite had been evading me since the fight after we left Rebel. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to dream. I wanted to see Edward.

****

I awoke with a start. I apparently had fallen asleep while writing my review of the show. A quick glance told me that I'd _really _slept- it was 3:00 in the afternoon.

After finishing the rather glowing review of the concert and sending it off to my editor, I tried to find things to occupy my time. I re-folded a laundry pile which had tumbled onto my floor. I made my bed. Made another playlist, ditching depressing songs for more upbeat and positive ones.

When I found myself on my couch again, I vowed it wouldn't be like the preceding week. I was done wallowing. I was ready to rebuild.

I picked up my phone from its perch atop a pile of clippings of my stories I was gathering to send to Charlie. E-D I punched into the phone, seeing his name for the first time in far too long.

As I pushed the call button, my breath hitched. _Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me ever again_, I thought. _Well, if that's so, then he'll tell me and I'll move in with my life, _I silently decided.

"Hello?" a voice answered, but not the one I was expecting.

"Alice? I did call Edward's phone, right?"

"Yeah, Bella, this is his phone. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Are you okay? You sound bad."

I hoped she wouldn't be offended, but her trademark squeak and excited ramblings were absent.

"I'll be okay. Edward isn't here, though, so do you want me to take a message?"

"What's going on, Alice."

I heard her sigh, and I myself let out a breath that I didn't know I had been holding.

"Can we meet?" she asked.

"Absolutely."

"Do you have a pen?"

I jotted down an address and agreed to meet her in an hour. My stomach was in turmoil. Why wouldn't answer any of my questions?

For once, I was certain that I arrive at our meeting spot before Alice would.

****

True to my guess, I arrived at Coffee Bar and found that Alice had not arrived yet. The locale made me a bit nervous- the cab incident took place only a block away. Although it was an hour or so before happy hour would begin and I was never a big drinker to begin with, I hoped the vodka and pineapple I ordered would still my nerves.

It worked, at least until I saw Alice enter the main doors. Absent were her signature stylish attire and uncontainable energy. She looked drained.

"Bella," she said as she rounded the corner of the table to hug me.

"Where is he."

"Bella, it's complicated."

"Where is he, Alice?"

"He went home."

* * *

**Author's notes:**

AH!  
Sorry for the cliffhanger. Does anyone remember where home is for Edward?  
I chose the city he's from for two reasons: 1.) It's a part of Esme's past that's revealed in the books. 2.) It's where I'm from, so it's familiar. I'm really careful double checking all of my New York info, so it's nice just being able to type what I know about … Edward's hometown. (I'm gonna make you work for it!)

Times are sad in the world Edward and Bella. I don't like writing angst, so have faith that skies will clear up. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? Ouch, cliché.

Thanks a million to **inside-the-disarray** and **Edward5953** for their reviews of the last chapter. Review this (or any previous) chapter and you'll find a sneak peek from the next chapter in your inbox before it's posted in its entirety. AND I'll geek out and thank you in my A/N, because it legit makes my day when someone offers feedback.

**Title from:** "We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed" by Los Campesinos!


	11. History Sticks to Your Feet

**Mine:** Two backstage passes from concerts I went to this week. I died at both, trust me :) A lengthy A/N at the end of this chapter.

**Not Mine:** Anything Twilight related.

* * *

_Quick recap:_ Edward had a bit of a breakdown. Alice scooped him up and shipped him off to his parents' house (Columbus, Ohio.) She met Bella at a restaurant to break the news to her.

**BPOV:  
**

My mouth gaped as I processed what Alice was saying.

"How long?" Apparently I couldn't articulate entire sentences.

"I don't know," she whispered, tears slipping from the bottom of the oversized sunglasses she wore.

"Is it for good?"

My question was met with a blank stare. My pulse quickened.

"Tell me everything."

Alice began by asking me how much I knew about Edward's past. Once I gave her a quick rundown, she nodded her head and told me more about the troubles he'd been having in the last few months.

"He's suffered from pretty serious anxiety on and off, but I've never seen him as bad as he was today," she said, staring at her hands.

"During his appointment the wall he'd hidden all of his anxiety behind just crumbled," she continued. "He was a sobbing mess. I heard him from my seat in the lobby, and demanded that the doctor let me see him. I've never seen anyone in so much pain. He had a panic attack."

"Has that ever happened before?"

"No."

We both sat in silence. I wanted to apologize to Alice, to let her know that I had no idea that my stubbornness would have such major repercussions. I felt awful. Both of us knew that it wasn't about us, though, it was about Edward.

"My dad is a doctor, did you know that?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, Edward has mentioned it before."

"I called dad while I was trying to calm Edward down. I'm usually the one who can actually calm him, but I couldn't do anything but watch him fall to pieces. It was so terrible, Bella."

We both had our own demons. The tears that were stinging at the corners of my eyes suddenly unleashed into a steady sob. I was trying to be quiet, but the stares of onlookers told me that I was failing.

"We decided that it might be best for Edward to go home awhile. Dad convinced me that it was best for me to stay, and that Jasper could take him back since his schedule is a little more flexible. I don't know why I agreed to it, I need to see Edward. I need to make sure he's okay, even if I can't do anything to remedy the situation. School is less important than family."

Her hands moved to cover her face as she slumped down onto the table.

"Alice, how quickly can you pack your things?"

"Bella, this isn't your responsibility. You didn't break him. It's not your fault."

"That's really sweet, but I _need _to see him too. How soon can you be ready?"

She raised her head from the table and looked down at her watch.

"I'll call a car, go home, pack my bags, and be at your apartment to pick you up in an hour," she said as she grabbed her bag from the floor. "Text me your address!" she yelled as she ran through the door and quickly caught a taxi on the street.

***

During my subway ride, I tried to think about what I needed to grab. I tried to compile a mental list of work obligations and who I'd need to talk to about getting other people to cover shows.

_Tried_ being the operative word. The whole trip I could only think of Edward.

As I ran from the subway station nearest my house, I couldn't help but reflect on my dismissal of him the week before. Edward's white lie was old news; I was wracked with guilt for how badly I had handled the situation. The only thing I could do now was fly to Columbus and hope that he would be okay by the time we got there. A secondary hope was that he could forgive me. I decided to keep that one at bay until I saw him.

I was trying to wedge my wallet into my already-too-full messenger bag when my phone rang from my pocket. I knew it was Alice, waiting for me below. Running for the door, I silently prayed that my credit card was paid down enough that I could charge tickets to and from Columbus. I'd figure out that obstacle when I got there, I decided.

A sleek black Mercedes awaited me curbside. The overzealous driver attempted to take my bag from me, but that was wasting time as far as I was concerned. I grabbed a few dollars from my opened wallet and thrust them into his hands. "I'm keeping this!" I screamed as I opened the door myself and climbed in.

If I ever saw him again, I'd have to apologize.

Alice looked impossibly small buckled in on the opposite side of the seat. She smiled at me meekly. "Thank you, Bella."

The ride to the airport was rather silent. We were both too deep into our own thoughts to be much company to each other.

I took the time to email my writing contacts apprising them of my personal emergency and inability to cover shows; I didn't know how soon I'd be back, so I told everyone that I'd be out for a week, just in case.

Alice arrived first at the ticketing desk and asked for two one-way tickets on the soonest flight to Columbus. We had both whipped out our IDs and credit cards as soon as the driver pulled into the labyrinth of an airport that's known as JFK.

"You're not buying my ticket!" I whispered through my teeth as the lady behind the counter paused to hear Alice's reaction.

"No, continue, please," Alice directed her.

"I already spoke to my father. It's what Edward would want," she dismissed me.

The way she was speaking about Edward made me nervous. People said things like that after someone had died. I knew I was overreacting, but even the thought of Edward dying made me feel like I was going to vomit.

I dropped down to my knees beside Alice, finding comfort in the cold tile. Alice rubbed my back and gently whispered that it was time to go through security as she handed me my ticket.

After making it through security, we still had forty minutes before our flight boarded.

"We should eat," I told Alice.

We roamed around, eventually finding the food court. Once we got our food, we both just looked at the trays.

"It'll help pass the time," Alice urged, pushing my tray closer to me.

I furrowed my brows and slid her own tray against her tiny hands. "I will if you will," I promised.

So we sat and picked at our food in silence for twenty minutes before we resigned and found our gate.

The remainder of our trip was as silent and torturous, but thankfully our flight was only a little over an hour and a half. Alice was on her cell phone the entire ride, IMing Jasper with a concerned look on her face. Part of me wished that our flight didn't have wi-fi so she could potentially get a moment of peace. I wished we were traveling under happier circumstances; I felt like if anyone would be a world class traveler, it would be Alice.

We arrived at the airport in Columbus a little sooner than scheduled. Rather than wait for Jasper to pick us up, Alice called off his trip and found us a taxi outside of the passenger pickup section. She gave the taxi driver her address, and we both sunk back into the cushy seats and watched the scenery pass our windows.

I was trying to formulate what I would say once I saw him. I didn't even know what state we would find him in, if he would be at home or in a hospital… there were too many variables. Never one for religion, I found myself silently offering up everything I had to offer in return for Edward's safety. I prayed that Alice's over-protective habits with Edward were kicking in and making her elevate the situation in her mind. I prayed that he would see me.

Before I knew it, the car was stopped and Alice was beckoning me outward. I was frozen in place.

"Alice, I don't know if I should…" I felt my face twist, trying to explain the conflicting emotions inside both my head and my heart.

"I'll take you to Carlisle's office. Edward's surely in his room, he won't have to know you're here until we make sure that …" she looked away, dropping her voice.

"That it's okay I'm here," I finished for her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said as she grabbed and squeezed my hand.

"Alice, this isn't about me. I'll find his office, you go be with Edward."

Before we opened the door, a man who I could only assume was Edward's father passed through it and closed it behind him. He smiled at us, but it never fully reached his eyes. Alice dropped her bag and enveloped her father in a hug.

"Daddy," she cried.

"Everything's going to be okay, Alice. You did a good thing sending him here, but there's no need to be concerned for his safety at this moment."

He shifted his gaze to me. "You must be Bella. It's so nice to meet you, although I'm sorry it wasn't under better circumstances." He extended his hand to me, and I immediately flashed back to shaking my doctor's hand at my last checkup; he had a cold, firm grip. All that was missing was a latex glove.

"What happened, dad?"

"Edward had a pretty severe panic attack. He had calmed down by the time he and Jasper made it to the airport in New York. I gave him a mild sedative when he arrived, so he'll be out for a little while. "

"Alice, you're shaking like a leaf. Are you feeling ill?"

"Is he…. Is he going to be okay?"

"He's physically fine," Carlisle finally said, easing us immediately. "He's not in imminent danger. Once Edward returns to New York-"

Alice and I began speaking over each other in excitement.

"Girls, hold on a minute!" Carlisle urged with a smile.

"Once he returns, he's going to see a cognitive behavioral therapist to learn to cope with his anxiety."

Alice's glowing smile was making a comeback. The relief was palpable.

"But come inside, let me grab your bags, ladies. Esme is making dinner."

****

I was more than charmed by Alice and Edward's parents; the conversation flowed comfortably throughout dinner. Esme and Carlisle asked me a laundry list of questions, but it felt nice to be around a family again- even if it wasn't my own. Once we all helped clear the dishes, Carlisle and Jasper disappeared, leaving me, Esme and Alice in their large living room.

"Bella, Alice, how long are you planning on staying?" I could see where Alice got her expressive eyes; Esme's were full of the same vivaciousness.

"Well… as soon as I see Edward and make sure he's okay Jasper and I will probably head back. It's hard missing school right now, I have a lot of deadlines that are coming up," Alice said while studying her fingernails.

Esme directed her attention to me. "And you, Bella?"

I hadn't really thought that far. During the taxi-ride to the Cullen house my phone beeped several times with mostly understanding emails from my different editors regarding my cancellation of shows. I didn't want to burn any bridges, but sometimes things are more important than work.

"Well… I think I'll wait 'til I talk to Edward before I decide," I told her.

**

* * *

****EPOV:**

_Why is it so dark?_ I wondered as I waited for my eyesight to clear enough to discern the time displayed on the clock above my bed.

10:00 PM. I had been out for quite a while.

The grogginess of medicine-induced sleep pulled at the corners of my consciousness. I was sick of being in bed, I needed to get up and do something. Anything.

The freak-out in Dr. Trovato's office seemed a world away from my childhood bedroom inside my parents' house. As I remained immobile under my covers, I made out the shapes of relics from my past on the shelves and mounted to the walls; trophies from my two-year stint in baseball, a signed poster from a movie that was huge during my senior year, framed photos of me and Alice. I was a little envious of the way that time had stood still in this room. If only it were that easy.

I let my mind slip back to the panic attack. The memory was somewhat fuzzy, but I remembered feeling like I couldn't breathe. I remembered crying. I remembered feeling like I was going to die.

Aside from the brief flashes of emotion, I didn't remember a whole hell of a lot else. It had happened after Dr. Trovato asked me a harmless question about my typical day. Alice burst in at some point during the melee, and a memory flashed back to me of Jasper calming me down as we took a car to the airport.

The longer I was awake, the more I found myself remembering. But I didn't want to remember. I wanted to move on.

I had fallen asleep in the clothes Alice had forced me into at the Waldorf-Astoria, and I desperately wanted every scrap of evidence from the preceding week out of my mind. Because of the last-minute decision for the trip, though, I didn't have any of my clothes with me.

I finally convinced myself to get out of bed and made my way to my childhood dresser. My mom was a bit of a sentimentalist, so I doubted that she had thrown away the clothes that I had left when I moved.

_Oh, mom,_ I silently thanked her and smiled at her predictability. The dresser drawers were full of old t-shirts. I grabbed the first one on the pile and a pair of old gym shorts, changed, and decided to see if anyone was still awake.

Jasper was probably staying in Alice's old room, I decided. My dad was probably trying to catch a few hours of sleep before his early morning hospital shift. Maybe Esme would be up?

As I descended the stairs from my room on the third floor, I heard voices drifting up from the living room.

"Alice?" I yelled, tremendously excited to see her. More than anything I felt terrible about having scared her and my family earlier.

"Edward!" she bounded towards me and gripped me in a hug before I reached the landing on the stairs.

As I hugged her fiercely, I looked for the other source of the noise.

..Bella?!

"What are you doing here?" I choked out as I made eye contact with her, Alice still attached to my waist.

"I…if you want me to leave, I-"

"No, no, I just didn't expect to see you," I quickly returned. After the past week, Bella Swan was the _LAST_ person I expected to find curled up in my parents' living room.

Alice tugged my arm, still maintaining an unflinching grip on my waist.

"How do you feel?" Her sad eyes searched mine.

"I feel fine, Alice, I swear. Panic attacks happen randomly, but they end pretty quickly. I'm going to talk with Dr. Bain tomorrow, figure out the best course of action to deal with my anxiety." Even talking about it out loud made me feel slightly better about the situation.

Bella stood up from her chair and motioned outside. "Alice, I'm going to go…" her voice trailed off.

"There's a swing out back," Alice suggested. "It's beautiful out there."

My eyes followed Bella as her form retreated. My heart began to pound a little harder and faster.

"What does it mean, Alice?"

She had finally released me from her hug, and was now leaning against the rail of the stairs.

"What does _what_ mean?" She questioned, although both of us knew what I was referring to.

I nodded my head in Bella's direction.

"What are you still doing in here? Go find out."

****

As I grabbed the handle of the door that led to the back yard, I tried to remind myself to not get my hopes up. She was probably just here as a way of supporting Alice.

The weather outside was beautiful, a little colder than average for a summer night in Ohio. Everything was tinged with moonlight. Alice was right, I had forgotten how pretty our backyard really was.

Bella was inspecting Esme's small pond near the corner of our property. I didn't want to startle her.

"Bella?" I said softly.

I noticed one of her hands quickly flew to her eyes before she began to turn around.

"No tears," I told her.

Twenty feed stood between us.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." Her voice was so soft that I could barely hear her.

I moved one foot closer.

"It's not your fault," I pleaded with her. If anything, she had made my anxiety better over the past month. The bottom falling out had been a long time coming.

Another two feet closer.

"I can't even describe how sorry I am for what happened that night, Edward. I was melodramatic. I was immature. I was … wrong."

She moved towards me. Three feet.

"Can you forgive me?" Dear God, I hoped she could.

"We're so past that," she said, continuing to step forward.

"Can you forgive me?" She blushed as she looked downward.

Fuck the space between.

I needed to feel Bella.

"There is nothing to forgive," I murmured as I quickly closed the gap and took her in my arms. We instantly molded to each other's bodies.

I bent my head down to say something, but instead I found Bella's lips upon mine.

Her hands travelled up my back and around my neck, ending up twisted in my hair.

"Please don't ever leave me again," she whispered.

"Never," I promised.

It wasn't as if the past week hadn't happened. Both of our actions would surely affect us in the future. But for now, we were two people who were drunk off of the presence of the other. Electricity flowed through our bodies. More than words, our healing had begun the moment we embraced again.

We reconnected, our lips moving more rapidly than ever. Bella's hands were now tracing my face. Mine held her tightly against me.

"Edward," she whispered, resting her hand against my jawline.

"I'm….. I'm all in."

"I couldn't be more relieved to hear you say that," I said, unable to contain a large smile.

I grabbed her hand and led her to the swing in the middle of the small gazebo Esme had insisted on installing during my junior year.

I sat down, patting the seat next to me.

Instead Bella climbed on my lap, straddling me.

...That worked too.

She lowered her nose to mine, and her long eyelashes filled my vision.

Her lips crashed to mine as she slipped forward. Any self-restraint that I had had up to this moment was now a forgotten memory. All I could think of was Bella. And how badly I wanted her.

But Bella knew that too. It couldn't have been more plainly obvious. She WAS sitting on my lap.

"Edward," she moaned in my ear, lithely moving her hips against mine.

My hands, up until this point innocently stroking her sides, firmly grasped her waist and pushed her flush against me.

All of me.

"Are you sure, Bella?"

"More than anything," she breathed back.

I stood up, wrapped her legs around my waist and carried her with ease back into the house. Up the stairs. Into my childhood bedroom.

If only she knew how long I had waited for this moment.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Okay. I am the LAST person who should EVER write smut. Seriously, I furiously blush at even the _word_ smut. That being said, I think it's important for Bella and Edward. And, despite my furious blushing tendencies, I was pissed when Breaking Dawn faded to black. So, I'm going to attempt some smut-tery with the forewarning that it is probably going to be a bit awkward. Sorry for the cliffie, but I promise lemon-y goodness (or maybe lemon substitute?) next chapter.

In terms of Edward's anxiety and panic attack, I hope I presented his illness realistically. While I have some anxiety tendencies, it's nothing near the level of Edward's. I've tried to research the matter as thoroughly as possible. If you have experience or suffer from a similar situation yourself, message me and let me know your thoughts :)

The "I'm all in" line may be familiar, as I'm borrowing it from Luke in Gilmore Girls. "This thing we're doing? I'm in. I'm all in. Does that scare you?" The only thing pop culture related that I love more than Twilight is GG! Eep.

Thank you so much for edward5953, cullengirl08 and inside-the-disarray's reviews! Every review makes me more involved in the story and makes me write faster. Plus, if you review I send you a tidbit of the next chapter before it's posted. (Although I think I missed you this time, Ari. Sorry!!!)

Speaking of **inside-the-disarray**, she has an amazing fic called "Broken" that you need to be reading. She's under my favorite authors, check it out!

**Title From: **"History Sticks to Your Feet" by Modest Mouse. I'm in love with their new EP, _No One's First and You're Next_.


	12. Some Racing, Some Stopping

**Mine:** A human love of my life (my fiancé,) a dog love of my life (a dapper basset hound), and a fictional love of my life (hellllo Edward. Minus that whole vampire bit.)

**Not mine:** Stephenie Meyer and her work, although I would like her MUSE connections.

Advanced warning: Not as much lemon as maybe artificial lemon-y sweetener. Don't throw stuff at me, please!

* * *

**BPOV:**

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Edward had carefully carried me up the stairs and gently laid me on his bed. I was drowning in anticipation.

Before I could yank him down to my level, though, he was halfway across the room, digging something out of a bag. My curiosity should have been piqued, but instead I was just groaning internally. Edward + anticipation (-) being in bed = not fun.

He said "AHA!" to himself and pulled an iPod touch from the mystery bag.  
Was he abandoning me for some Sudoku or something?

"Sometime Around Midnight" began to emanate from the iPod, and my mood transformed instantaneously.

"This is my favorite song," I whispered, a gigantic, goofy smile splayed across my face.

"I know," he whispered as he leaned down to the bed.

"Edward," I whispered, running my hands through his hair before raising myself to my knees so I could wrap my arms around his neck. "You don't know how much you mean to me,"

I pressed my lips against his neck and hugged him tightly.

"If it's anywhere near how much I care about you, I can imagine," he said, massaging my hips.

He scooped me up and laid me flat on my back, kissing the length of my body as he did so.

The song ended, and "Fade into You" began.

I looked at him, smiling knowingly. "I made a Bella playlist," he admitted.

I lightly grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him onto the bed with me.

As his body formed to mine, I lifted the bottom of his t-shirt in an attempt to gracefully take it off.

Of course it didn't happen as gracefully as I imagined, with his head getting stuck in the neck of the shirt. But the end result, a shirtless Edward, was all the same.

Unsurprisingly, his removal of my shirt was deft. The quick removal of my pants even moreso. One tiny, insignificant piece of lingerie was between our skin.

From above me, Edward stood on his knees and slowly eyed my entire body.

"Embarrassing!" I whispered, pulling him back against me.

"You should _never_ be embarrassed," he murmured against my ear. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world."

And with that, all bets were off.

From his position perched precariously atop my body, he leaned over the side of the bed and quickly grabbed his wallet from the floor. Quicker than I knew it, he rolled a condom on.

I grasped at my bra, not wanting anything to be between us. I found myself grunting in frustration; for someone who did the whole bra-removal thing every single day, I wasn't very adept at it.

Edward's hands replaced my own, and the bra found its resting place on the floor amidst the pile of the rest of our clothes.

The next hour or so was all a blur. Kissing, touching, softly rocking, sweat, moans, but most of all, sheer happiness.

"Bella," Edward moaned lowly against my mouth, his pace quickening as he deepened his movements. "I'm going to-"

Before he could finish on either account, I lost control.

My fingernails sunk into his back, my legs wrapped around his, and I yelled his name- a little too loudly. Edward's mouth pressed hard against mine, and I felt him moan as he rocked forward one last time. He pushed my long bangs to the side of my face, brought his nose down to my own and rubbed them together.

"Thank you," I said, slightly out of breath. Who does that!?

"Thank you, more than you know," he returned, smoothly re-positioning himself so he laid on his side beside me.

That night I did what I had wanted to do since the night I had met him; I fell asleep in Edward Cullen's arms.

********

I woke up slightly dazed the next morning. Not wanting to wake up, I reached down to pull up the sheet. When I didn't find it I gave in and looked, only to find it crumpled to a ball below my feet. When had I put a shirt on?

I heard a chuckle from behind me, and I quickly turned around. Edward had positioned himself against the corner of the wall from his spot in the bed.

"Ah, funny, is it?"  
My mind was quickly searching for a good retort until I noticed that he was shirtless… then it just sort of buzzed about how beautiful he was.

"You are a blanket hog," he teased, climbing over to me.

"Never!" My face and voice indicated that his accusation was ridiculous, but both of us knew it was true.

"Lucky for us I find you much more attractive than any sheets or blankets."

Smooth.

"What time is it?" I gulped, trying to shut off my brain. I had a feeling that _not _jumping Edward every time I saw him was going to be difficult.

"Eleven o'clock."

"….Edward…"

My cheeks were on fire. I should have thought of this sooner.

"…What is your family going to say about me staying the night in your room?"

He smiled.

"Alice has already texted me about fifty times this morning," he laughed. "I've ignored every one. I'm a little surprised that she hasn't busted in here, yet."

"Hence the shirt?" I asked, pulling the front of it away from me so I could get a better look. "Oh, Weezer, sweet!"

He tousled my hair and kissed my temple.

"I think that you should get a shower, and that I should go down and do some damage control with Alice."

"I am not going to argue with you about that, thank you!"

"Up you go," he gently pulled me up from his bed. "I need to steal you girl shampoo," he said with almost a thought bubble forming above his head.

"I left my bag in the guest bedroom on the second floor," I told him.

"The one by Alice's room?" he asked.

"Godspeed, sir," I nodded. He saluted me and quietly opened and shut the door.

I sat back on the bed, knowing that if he ran into Alice that it could be noon before I got my things.

Surprisingly, though, he was back only a minute later, bag in tow.

"Think of me," he teased as he grabbed some towels from the linen closet in the bathroom adjoining his room and sat them on the sink.

"Why aren't you getting in with me?" I said with a pout.

"Because I showered around 8:00 this morning," he laughed. "I know princesses need their beauty sleep."

Even if it was at my expense, it made me really happy to see Edward laughing and smiling again. I knew that from last night on, I'd do everything in my power to make sure he was never without a smile again.

"I hope Alice eats you alive!" I stuck my tongue out at him as I pulled my toiletries from my bag.

"She very well may," he said as he turned to exit the bathroom. "I'll give you some privacy, I'll see you in a little bit," he said, shutting the door.

"Hey!"

"Yes?" he poked his head back in.

"You forgot something!"

"What?"

"This!"

I leaned forward and kissed him.

"I'll never forget again," he said with a wink.

* * *

**EPOV:**

God, did I want to shower with Bella.

I figured that there was no point in prolonging the inevitable, though, so I descended the stairs to meet my fate.

I expected to hear voices as I made my way to the landing of the first floor, but they never came. _Where is everybody? _I wondered. Dad was working, but Alice, Jasper and mom should be around.

As I made my way toward the kitchen, I heard voices muffled by the glass of the back door.

Not allowing myself to think, I opened the door and stepped outside.

"Edward, you're up!" My mom excitedly threw her arms around my neck.

"It's about tiiiiimmmmmeeee," Alice narrowed her eyes and smiled as she drew out her words.

"Sleep well?" Jasper drawled.

Oh, they were funny, alright.

"I'm going to put it out there. Bella and I are together now," I began. "You can make jokes to me all you want, but please don't say anything to her."

"Why would we make jokes?" Mom looked shocked.

"Edward, seriously… between you and Bella, we choose Bella," Alice stuck out her tongue at me.

"We were just talking about how wonderful she is," mom added.  
"Don't forget you have an appointment with Dr. Bain at 4, you can take my car and show Bella the city if you'd like."

Wow. This was too easy.

"Okay… would anyone else like some breakfast?" I proceeded cautiously.

Esme and Alice resumed the conversation they were having prior to my arrival at the same time, so I took that as a no. I quickly surveyed the cabinets, trying to decide what to make Bella.

Chocolate chip pancakes it was.

My wardrobe, stuffed into a bag by Alice on D-Day, was composed largely of clothes that were too _Alice _for me to wear. I had changed into my favorite pair of dark denim jeans and a vintage t-shirt I found in my dresser, but I really didn't want to get them dirty. I opened one of the tall cabinet doors and pulled on a cheesy "Kiss the Cook!" apron.

Mid-mixing the batter, Alice quietly padded in the door, poking me in the ribs before I realized she was inside.

"AH! Edward," she squealed in excitement. "Nice apron!"

I knew it was coming. It was just all about timing.

"You! Bella! Together! Wait, _together_ together? Or just one night together? Your mood is too good for that, you're _together _together! I'm so excited!!!"

"Breathe, Alice. Here, put your energy to better use." I handed her the bowl and the spoon as I turned to see what sort of beverages mom had in the fridge.

"Aren't you excited?!" Alice asked, a sad look on her face.

I had to laugh.

"Just because I'm not doing cartwheels doesn't mean that I'm not more excited than even YOU, Alice."

I heard footsteps coming down the steps from upstairs, and my breath caught in my chest.  
Like it did every time I was around Bella.

"Alice, please don't make this awkward," I pleaded.

"Whatever are you talking about?" she asked with a wink.

Before Bella could fully make her way into the kitchen, Alice ran full-speed at her and nearly tackled her in a hug.

Per usual.

"Good morning, Bella," I said with a wink. When did I become such a winking guy?

"Good morning," she replied, Alice still clutching her tightly. She gave me a questioning look and pointed to Alice.

"Alice, down girl!" I joked.

"Bella, really, I would've hoped that you would choose a man with a better sense of humor," she retorted, finally letting go of Bella.

"I'm glad you're both down here, _together, _though," she began with a smile. _Sly, pixie._

"Because Jasper and I have a cab coming to take us to the airport at 1:30. Sorry I didn't get to show you around, Bella, but I think Edward can do a pretty good job."

"Bella, be glad that her time here is short, otherwise you'd find yourself at Easton for 12 hours. I know from experience."

It was easy to forget that Bella was from a world away from Columbus, a fact I was reminded of when she squinted her eyes at the reference to Easton.

"Oh, I'm so sad you won't get to see Easton!" Alice blurted.

"Easton is an outdoor mall-" I began, only to be cut off by Alice.

"Give it proper credit! It's the best place to shop in Ohio, if you're looking for commercial stuff."

"Anyways, I won't subject you to that. We're going to see the cool stuff," I said as I flipped the first pancake.

Alice began setting the table, getting Bella a drink and inviting her to sit down.

"So, have you decided when you're coming back to New York, yet?" Alice asked Bella, eyelashes batting.

"Um… well, I haven't really decided yet," Bella said, biting her lip and beginning to blush a violent red.

"Who wants a pancake?" I asked.

"ME!" Bella spat out, shooting me a thankful glance for the distraction from Alice's inquisitions. "These look so good! I like your apron, cook," she said as she stretched to kiss me.

"If you guys weren't so perfect together, I'd really want to puke," Alice said as she thumbed through a catalog left on the table.

"Your face makes me want to puke!"

Okay, so maybe my hormones and being back home again transformed me back into a teenage boy. I earned a laugh from Bella, though, and that was all that mattered.

***

After we ate, the cab arrived a few minutes early to pick up Alice and Jasper. I promised to call Al after my appointment, and began thinking of the places that I wanted to show Bella.

Dr. Bain's office was in the stylish Short North section of town. I decided to show her the trendy Short North shops which might interest her, as well as a few places on the OSU campus, only a mile north on High Street.

"Are you ready for an adventure?" I asked her as we climbed into our borrowed Mazda 6.

I forgot that this was the first time Bella had been in a car with me behind the wheel, and I forgot to warn her about my driving style; fast, aggressive, all over the place. Although I'd never driven in New York, I feel like my style was very much like that which you have to employ to stay alive in Manhattan traffic.

Bella, however, just looked like she felt sick.

When she bent over and rested her head on her knees, I got the picture and slowed down considerably.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "If it makes you feel any better, you're going to love the first place I'm taking you."

"As long as I can throw up between the leaving the car and arriving wherever it is, I'm golden," she replied, head still on lap.

I stroked her hair as I pulled into the parking garage on 9th Avenue.

She sluggishly rose as I opened my door. "Do you need me to carry you?" I asked with a mischievous smile.

"No, I can walk." She began. "But the ride home? I'm driving!"

I laughed out loud. No chance.

We made our way to High Street and headed north. As soon as Bella saw the building in the distance, she started squealing and jumping up and down.

"A record store?! I almost forgive you!" she screamed, gently punching my arm.

Singing Dog was one of the best record stores in Columbus, and I knew that Bella would love it.

Once we were inside, I realized that I may have underestimated the amount of time she would want to spend in the store. An hour after we got there, she was only in the "D" section of vinyl. "Look! Dusty Springfield!"

"Do you even like Dusty Springfield?"

"Well…Not particularly, but do you know how rare this is?"

The addition of Bella to my life meant that I'd never be without laughter.

As I eyed the clock, I realized that the hour of my appointment had crept up on me sooner than I had realized. I knew that Bella was having a great time, and from the armful of records she had placed on the checkout counter, I knew she'd be entertained for another two hours minimum. I asked her if she would rather stay at the store than sit around in the Short North waiting for my appointment to end.

"No… I should come with you," she said, still holding onto the Dusty Springfield album she had stopped on. I could tell she was only being polite.

"I insist," I kissed her forehead and pushed her back towards the records. "Go be at one with your vinyl."

I stopped at the cash register and gave the clerk my credit card just in case Bella finished before I returned from my appointment. Of course she would throw a fit, but we were in my city.

****

It had been years since I had sat in Dr. Bain's office, but as soon as I returned I found that I preferred my absence.

"Edward Cullen, my, my!" I heard as I stepped into the waiting room.

"Tanya, hi…." I drew out slowly, cursing up a storm in my mind.

_She WOULD still work here. _Tanya had graduated from high school with me, and immediately found a job in Dr. Bain's office as a receptionist. In addition, she had a complete lack of morals and an overabundance of feelings for me. I could only imagine how often she combed through my files.

"So, Eddie, it's been a while since we've had the pleasure of seeing each other," she purred, stroking my arm as I reached for the sign-in clipboard.

"Ah… yes, it has," I said quickly, trying to pull away as quickly as possible.

"What's new? I'm so glad you're back. Want to get a drink tonight?"

She was relentless.

"TANYA!" A voice boomed from the back of the office.

"We'll talk about it when you get out," she promised with a wink as she made her way towards the sound of the voice.

In her absence, Angela, another receptionist, ushered me back to see Dr. Bain.

His door was open, and I was filled with dread.

"Hello, doctor," I said as I sat down in the seat where I'd spent a good portion of my junior year.

"Edward, hello, how nice to see you again," he extended his hand, shaking mine firmly.

"So, let's talk about what's been troubling you."

I spent the next thirty minutes describing the events of the past week as well as my past four years in the city to him. He furiously jotted down notes and frequently made reassuring sounds. It. Drove. Me. Crazy.

"Mmm," he concluded once I stopped talking.

"Edward, what kind of treatment are you ideally looking for?" he asked.

"I would prefer not to be medicated, if possible."

"Let's talk about your options," he began.

*****

Before I knew it, I was walking into Singing Dog to pick up Bella and her bounty of records.

I saw her from the street, leaning against the counter and moving her hands in an effort to explain something to the clerk.

"I know they're not good!" she was saying as I entered the store.

"Then why do you like them?" the clerk asked.

"Because everyone needs a guilty pleasure. Because you need something to dance around to when you're having a bad day. Because even the coolest people can't be cool all the time," she was arguing.

I snuck up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Hi," I whispered, abstaining from PDA against my wishes.

"Hi!" she exclaimed brightly. "This is Brad!" she introduced us. "Brad hates Fall Out Boy."

"Well, Brad, then it sounds like you're a friend of mine," I winked at Bella.

Brad laughed as he bagged up the massive stack of music Bella had purchased. I saw that she had made her way through the CDs in my absence.

"Just need your signature, sir," Brad said as he handed Bella the first of several bags.

"HEY! He's not paying! I am!"

"Too late!" I signed the receipt and grabbed two of the bags.

"EDWARD."

"Thank you for your help, Brad," I said as we turned to leave.

"Nice meeting you, I hope I can come back and talk music some more!" Bella had never met a stranger in her life.

"Absolutely! And I'll look out for your writing online," Brad replied.

"I love Columbus!" Bella sighed as she stepped out the door.

The ride home was pretty uneventful. I filled Bella in on the decisions I had made with Dr. Bain; as I discussed with Carlisle, I would be seeing a Cognitive Behavioral therapist once we got back to New York. The doctor had given me some pamphlets regarding breathing techniques and methods to bring myself down when I started feeling particularly stressed.

"I'm so glad to hear that," Bella told me as she squeezed my hand resting on the console.

During the remainder of the ride we tried to decide what we would do for dinner; it had been a while since I'd been in Columbus, so I wasn't sure if my favorite local restaurants were even still open. I began formulating ideas in my mind as we pulled into my garage.

And then it hit me. I knew exactly where to take her. The question was, how angry would she be when she realized our destination?

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Hi loves!

Thanks so much for the reviews of last chapter from inside-the-disarray, edward5953, cullengirl08 and FangismyEdward. They were so appreciated!

I'm sorry if anyone is disappointed in the lack of lemon-flavor. I _tried_, but it was like a spotlight on my awk. I hope my (prudish) attempt at sexy-time was somewhat pleasing?

As always, I trade reviews for sneak peeks! Leave me even a few words and I'll send you a preview of the new chapter before it goes live.

Thanks so much for reading! : )

**Title from: **Headlights- _Some Racing, Some Stopping. _(Album)


	13. Brighter Than Sunshine

**Mine:** A ridiculously busy schedule this week, a car with a few hundred or so more miles on it after a mini-road trip with friends.

**Not mine:** Bella Swan. Because if she was mine, the series would've went a bit differently! SM owns.

(**Pre-story A/N**: This is short and fluffy. Meatier upcoming chapters in the works!)

**

* * *

**

**BPOV:  
**

Cardinal rule when dealing with the Cullen family: When excitement is expressed, become skeptical. Immediately. I had learned the hard way; impromptu shopping trips. Rebel nightclub. I could only guess what the bemused look on Edward's face meant as he ushered me inside his parents' house.

"Are you hungry?" He was almost vibrating a la Alice. Obviously troublesome.

"No!" escaped my lips. A little too loudly.

"You're not hungry?" he asked questioningly.

"Oh, I'm hungry, but just wipe wherever you're planning on taking me out of your mind."

His mouth agape, he wordlessly stared at me for a moment. The wheels in his mind were turning.

A smile took over his face, and he pulled me into a side hug.

"Don't you worry, you're going to love it!" he whispered against my ear while rubbing the side of my arms.

"I hate you."

"I'm okay with that," he replied. And then he nibbled on my ear.

HE NIBBLED ON MY EAR.

I knew I should be grossed out, but I was anything _but. _

My legs turned to jello, and I grabbed onto his frame to steady myself.

"THAT, sir, is playing dirty!" I shot him my most reproachful look.

"Since when do I play by the rules? Come on, let's get you dressed!"

Esme and Carlisle were nowhere in sight; the house was still as we made our way up the flights of stairs to Edward's room.

"Can I get some sort of ballpark estimate of where we're going?"

"Hmm…. Okay. A restaurant."

I scrunched up my face at him. He wasn't making it any easier. _Maybe a change of tactics will work_, I silently decided.

As we walked through the doorway, I grabbed his wrist and pushed him against the frame. Gently, I pulled his neck down towards me, lightly kissing him from his hairline and along his jaw.

"Are you sure you don't want to …. Order in?" My best approximation of sexy was awkward at best.

He stared at me for a few seconds, clearly weighing his options.

"I know what you're doing!" he said with a laugh. "And it's not going to work… for the time being."

* * *

An hour and a half later, we were sitting in front of an old church. Well, a church that had been converted into a restaurant. If the clothing of the customers exiting was any indication, a _fancy _restaurant.

"No."

"I wanted to take you to the best restaurant in town."

"And I love you for…. I mean, I LOVE that you'd want to take me to the best restaurant, but I'm wearing tights and Chucks… everyone else is wearing suits!"

"But you're beautiful in anything."

"If you really, _really _want to…. I guess."

I would die of mortification, but I supposed making him smile would make death slightly more tolerable.

"Okay," he said, shifting our borrowed Mazda into reverse.

And just like that, we were back on the freeway.  
"Edward, I'm sorry. Turn around, I didn't mean to be difficult.."

"It's okay, " He said, retrieving my hand from its resting spot on my lap.

"I thought of somewhere even better."

We rode in a comfortable silence. Edward would occasionally rave about songs playing on the radio, but mostly I just took in the sights from the passenger seat. Columbus didn't have as many trees and green as Forks, but it had more than New York. My heart swelled unexpectedly as I thought of home. Both versions.

Edward's second choice was a fantastic dive bar turned-restaurant in the Short North called Betty's. The food was simple; extremely home-style, extremely delicious. After we finished, we walked the streets of the neighborhood and got ice cream from an extremely-packed place called Jeni's. I was initially a little creeped out by the flavors (seriously- Sweet Corn and Black Raspberry- together?! In ice cream?) but as Edward fed me sample spoon after sample spoonful I began to appreciate the delicate flavors.

The activities of the day left both of us slightly worn out and all too ready to pass out once we got back to his house.

"I feel old," Edward said as we waved hello to his parents from the staircase before we retreated to his room.

"Well… you are!" I joked as I smacked his butt, outside of his parents' view.

"Ah, old but still stronger," he replied, scooping me up and carrying me up the stairs over-the-threshold style.

I didn't know when I had fallen asleep, but I awoke the next morning feeling the best that I had felt in years. The sunlight streamed through the windows above us, reflecting beautifully on Edward's face.

I gently pulled myself out of his bed and rifled through my bag of meager belongings. My clothing options were running low; I hadn't really considered how long I would be staying when I had hastily packed the day I left New York.

"Good morning," I heard Edward say from behind me, his voice uncharacteristically deep.

"Morning, princess," returning the favor of his wake up call from the previous morning.  
"What are you doing?" he asked, remaining stationary in the bed.

"Surveying my pitiful clothing options. I'm down to tights and a Ben Folds Five shirt. And you _know _how I feel about tights being worn as pants." A near criminal offense, in my book.

"Not tights as pants!" he called out in mock horror. "I have a perfect solution: don't wear anything. Get back in bed!"

"Not helpful. But your offer tempts me," I said, crawling back into bed.

I felt purely blissful in bed with Edward. Eventually, though, both of us knew that we would have to face the realities that awaited us back in New York. We had stifled the topic for the most part, but it had to be discussed.

"When are you planning on returning to New York?" I asked, my body intricately wrapped around his.

"Ah, you tire of the simple Ohio life so quickly?" His eyes peered over the top of his pillow, wide and glimmering playfully.

"You know, Esme has told me several times that I can stay here as long as I like. I think I'll take up permanent residence in your room. "

"Don't tease me," he whispered against my skin. "It's hard enough knowing that I'm going to have to let you go once we leave here."

"Who's going anywhere, Edward? It's not like you live in Ohio and I live in New York. We live less than an hour apart."

His beautiful eyes pierced my own.

"I just… I need you. In every way."

His words melted my heart.

"And you have me in every way," I promised, embracing him tightly.

"Let's figure this out."

We decided to leave the next morning, arriving back in New York around 1 PM. The rest of the day was spent lounging around, and hanging out with Esme and Carlisle. They insisted on taking us out for a goodbye dinner at Smith and Wollensky at Easton, so I had to explore Alice's cavernous closet long enough to find the least showy outfit possible.

_I'm going to have nightmares of being swallowed by her armoires_, I thought.

* * *

The next morning rolled around all too quickly. I had never been a good flier, but Edward's presence calmed me somewhat; I kept my head in his lap for the majority of the trip, focusing on how amazing he smelled versus being 30,000 feet above the ground.

As the plane began to descend, he slipped his fingers into my hair, gently massaging my scalp while whispering words of reassurance into my ear.

I was beginning to think that he was perfect.

We hopped into the first available taxi, and the driver brought us back to reality with four simple words:  
"Where you folks going?"

In my mind I knew I was crazy to be feeling so depressed at parting ways with Edward. We had spent the past three days together, but it wasn't enough. How did we become co-dependent so quickly?

"Fourth Avenue at Third Street, Brooklyn." Edward responded, pulling me out of my reverie.

I assumed he would drop me off first and demand to pay for the entire taxi-ride, much like he had at the airport. The buildings whirred by in a blur, retaining my attention and curbing my emotions.

Edward's hand found my own, and he gently squeezed them together, leaving me in silent contemplation.

When we finally arrived at my apartment, I exited the car with a feeling of dread. Edward instructed the cabbie that he would be removing the bags, giving us time together before we parted.

"It's only one night, right?" I asked, silently trying to confirm that I could, in fact, be a normal, functioning human being without the presence of Edward Cullen.

He looked back at me through sad eyes, gently pushing a strand of hair out of my eyes as he bent down and kissed my temple.

"A thousand years wouldn't be enough time spent with you, Bella."

"Stay." I spat impulsively.

"Please, just stay with me tonight."

"I was kind of hoping you would say that," he said as he rapped on the driver's door to ask the driver to pop his trunk once again.

And instantaneously, my day was brighter.

**

* * *

****Author's Notes:****  
**Sorry for the delay of the chapter!  
My crazy week, combined with serious writer's block, left this chapter hanging for quite a while. Thanks for the patience!

The restaurant Edward _tried _to take Bella to in Columbus is called The Refectory. I haven't been (...because I'm a poor recent college-grad, haha,) but my boss told me that she got vibed when she showed up wearing dressy but not-dressy-enough clothes.

Thanks to Cullen08, inside-the-disarray, and An Unbroken Horse aka RushtonElf for their kind reviews!

Just a reminder- post a review (of any chapter) and I'll send you a snippet of the upcoming chapter before it's posted. Remember payola? It's like that, except totally legal here : )

**  
Title from:**"Brighter Than Sunshine" by Aqualung


	14. Inches and Falling

**Mine:** Clumsiness. Good luck when said clumsiness strikes. A costly (newfound) addiction to shopping. Ouch.

**Not mine:** Nothing of SM's.

* * *

**  
BPOV:  
**

The repercussions I faced professionally after fleeing New York on a whim were not as terrible as they could have been.

But they weren't exactly good.

While mostly everyone had been nice enough about it initially, I only booked three freelance gigs for the week after I returned. Before I left I was freelancing almost every night.

My time wasn't going to waste, though. During the day Edward would take me out and show me the touristy spots where I desperately wanted to go, but knew that no self-respecting New Yorker would admit to visiting as an adult. We went to the Central Park Zoo, the Empire State Building and Rockefeller Center. We spent hours staring at the beautiful art on display in the Metropolitan Museum of Art and hours wondering how some of the pieces on display at the Museum of Modern Art made their way there.

I, for one, did not understand how a plain canvas painted blue was worth so much monetarily and culturally. To each their own.

My newfound time also brought new hobbies: I had always wanted to play the guitar, and after a stop at a pawn shop on Flatbush Avenue, I had the essential equipment. As much as I loved music, I wasn't really interested in creating original material; I more or less wanted the freedom to pick at my favorite songs (first up: Elvis Costello and Dashboard Confessional) on a whim.

Edward had started seeing his new therapist, and he seemed consistently happier. When we were around each other, which was essentially 24/7, a relaxed yet definitely electric charge filled the air.

Very few things in our relationship made sense to me; Edward was gorgeous, and he was with plain-at-best me. He had an apartment in Manhattan but continued to stay with me in my very small Brooklyn apartment. We had been some semblance of together for a very short time, but I knew deep down that I could never go without him again.

I had always been one of those girls who scoffed at my friends who claimed to be in love after mere weeks of dating their partner. To be honest, I wasn't sure that I necessarily even believed in love; sure, I loved my family and Jacob, but both of those loves didn't force my blood to course extra quickly through my body at the mere sight of them. Which, actually, was a _very _good thing.

No matter how deeply I felt anything resembling love for Edward, I kept the words to myself. I enjoyed waking up next to him and random kisses as we walked hand-in-hand down the street, and that was enough for now. Simply being with him would probably be enough for forever.

I'm pretty sure that Edward and I would be happy lazily lounging around my apartment together for days at a time. We were on our way to living a shut-in of an existence, according to Alice who called Edward in a frenzy the Wednesday after we had returned from Ohio.

"EDWARD ANTHONY," Alice roared loudly enough that it was plainly audible to me, three feet away from Edward and his phone which he had just flipped open.

"Are you okay?"

"Sorry, Alice, it's been a little…" he looked as if he were searching for the right words. "Perfect. Life has been perfect."

"Well, in case you forgot, you have a sister who is very concerned about you. Have you been holed up in your apartment? Come over here, it's not good for you, Edward…"

"Actually," he began, drawing his breaths out annoyingly slow. "I've been… busy… being …. with… Bella."

I held my breath, waiting for a patented Alice squeal. It never came, though.

"Well, just because you're together doesn't mean that you have to be shut-ins," she reasoned.  
"Come out with me and Jasper. We miss your faces, both of you."

"We'd love to see you, Alice! We miss you too. What do you have in mind?" I asked.

"Tonight. Brooklyn. I'll text you directions."

* * *

**EPOV:**

**  
**  
Alice may have had a point when she called us shut-ins.

Bella and I had some fun day-trips in the beginning of the week marking our return to the city, but the latter portion had been spent within the walls of Bella's apartment. It was fantastic.

When I had left Bella's apartment to retrieve clothes from my own this afternoon, I decided to take the subway back to my apartment. Ten minutes into the trip, I found myself having trouble breathing, and suddenly finding myself worrying about the most inane things. As Dr. Bain had instructed, I focused on my breathing as a way to center myself and lose the anxiety. Much to my relief, his suggestion was solid, and I felt my pulse slow to its normal rhythm by the time I reached my stop.  
**  
**As I made my way out of the crowded station and walked across Union Square to my apartment, I realized how long it had been since I'd truly been _home_. Pre-Ohio, pre-Rebel, pre-kissing Bella… it truly felt like another time. _At least I don't have any plants to kill_, I thought as I greeted my doorman and caught the elevator.

My apartment had been purchased by my parents when I decided to attend NYU. Alice, who was still in high school at the time, had been considering going to school in New York also, which made the square footage a solid and practical investment.

While my classmates lived in dorms made out of converted hotel rooms and mice-infested closets on the Lower East Side, I was fortunate enough to share a palatial apartment only eight blocks away from campus.

I had always been grateful for my parents' kindness in purchasing the apartment, but I had always harbored guilt at accepting such a large gift from them. Sure, it was for Alice too, but she spent the majority of her time with Jasper and had moved out long ago.

As I opened the front door, I was taken aback (as I was every single time I opened the door) at the sheer beauty of the space. Floor-to-ceiling windows broadcasted the beauty and bustle of the streets below, but most of the noise was blocked due to excellent soundproofing as well as the height between my floor and the ground.

The walls were painted in rich colors, picked by Alice who had sworn that they would be the next big things. Of course, she had been right. The space was elegant and modern at the same time. I quickly picked up clothes that I had left strewn across the large sofa in front of the fireplace in the living room.

Before I left Bella's, Alice had texted the directions along with instructions to "dress up!" Seeing that it was Alice giving the dress code, I wasn't sure exactly how "up" she meant. I decided to go with a pair of charcoal grey dress pants and a black long-sleeve button up, both purchased by Alice. I noticed the Dior tags still affixed and decided that if a shirt cost $450 that it couldn't be too off base for a dressy establishment.

I chuckled as I thought of Bella, who was surely cursing Alice from the depths of her closet as she attempted to find something that she thought would be appropriate.

She looked radiant in everything.

I agreed to meeting Bella at her apartment at 7:00, which gave me a few hours until I had to leave. Aside from showering and dressing, there was very little on my schedule. I contemplated watching some random insipid reality show that would surely be airing on VH1, but found my eyes trained on the large Steinway piano which took up the eastern corner of my living room.

For a period, playing the piano was all that I did in my spare time; I would spend hours emotionally and physically losing myself as my fingers dramatically flew across the keys. After I graduated, I found the anxiety of putting together a life and figuring out my next move took over the time I usually enjoyed with the piano. As I sat down on the bench, I noticed a disturbingly thick layer of dust along the key bed.

_Has it really been that long since I've played?_

Since my sheet music had all been stored away long ago, I decided to play the first thing that came to mind, an old favorite from high school: "Kate" by Ben Folds Five.

Once I began playing, time seemed to stand still. I found myself laughing as I awkwardly improvised on notes I had screwed up, and would flow into the next song randomly. Remembering Esme's happiness when I decided to pursue the piano, I chose one of her favorites, "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters" by Elton John. Continuing the theme, I segued into "All The Girls Love Alice."

I remembered Alice's anger at finding she was named after the _Alice _in the song, a trouble-making sixteen-year-old girl with a penchant for sleeping around with other girls. Mom quickly calmed her by telling her the story of when they first felt her kick, at an Elton John concert when he was playing the song. On days when she thoroughly got on my nerves, however, I still liked to remind her of the inspiration behind her name.

My mind shifted to Bella, and piece that I had worked tirelessly on during my senior year came flooding back to my mind. I had finished chunks of it, but could never seem to figure out what it was missing. I changed a few chords- from minor to major- and smiled at the progress I had made. It wasn't anywhere close to done, but I had the feeling I would be revisiting the tune in the near future.

I glanced at the clock, surprised to find that it was already 5:00. I quickly jumped in the shower and quickly got ready to meet Bella.

_*-*-*_

Bella was waiting on the steps of her building, looking like a perfect vision in a slinky-yet-modest black knee length sleeveless dress with silver studs bordering the scooped neckline.

From the way she fidgeted with the neckline, I knew she was uncomfortable.

"You look gorgeous," I told her as I ascended the stairs.

"Alice made me take this a few weeks ago, and I just feel so…" she paused to search for the right word, scrunching up her face like a petulant toddler. "_Naked_!"

I had to laugh. Girls across the city wore far less with much more attitude. This was what made her my Bella.

"Do you want to change? I mean, I'm impartial to the view, but your comfortableness is much more important," I said, collecting the soft silk fabric at her hips in my hands. _So soft._

"No, no, I'll be fine," she reassured both of us. "Plus, Alice will _kill _us if we're even a minute late. Just keep reminding me that I don't look ridiculous, please."

"Try to stop me!" I laughed as she playfully punched my arm.

It didn't take us long to get to the mystery location Alice had provided us directions to, a restaurant called the River Café. From the outside alone it was breathtaking- the restaurant was almost nestled underneath the Brooklyn Bridge, overlooking the water of the East River.

"Oh my God," breathed Bella as our taxi pulled up to the curb. "This is the most beautiful place I've ever seen."

I could only agree as I pulled out my phone to text Alice, only to see her waving excitedly in the entryway of the restaurant.

"And with two minutes to spare!" Bella joked.

I opened the door, gently leading Bella in front of me. Jasper had made his way to the host station, but Alice excitedly rushed upon us.

"I'm so happy to see you two!" she said as she embraced the two of us in an awkward Alice sandwich.

"We got a table, and we have some big news!" she exclaimed with a glowing smile.

We followed the hostess back to a seat along the edge of the glass overlooking the river and Manhattan skyline.

As soon as the hostess sat us, Alice thrust her left hand towards me and Bella, revealing an engagement ring.

"Your sister and I are getting married, Edward," Jasper said with a huge smile.

"ALICE! Congratulations," Bella said, capturing her hand and inspecting the ring. "Wow, vintage! I would have taken you for a Tiffany's girl?"

"Common misconception! Jasper picked it out all on his own, and I couldn't have found anything more perfect myself," Alice said, allowing Jasper to wrap his arms around her.

"I love the sapphires that frame the diamond," I chimed in. "What did mom and dad say?"

Jasper recounted the night he asked Carlisle's permission, the night that he had escorted me home from New York.

"I asked Carlisle if I could talk to him privately. He asked me up to his office and I was shaking like a leaf in a rainstorm. I think he thought that something was physically wrong with me! He began asking me all sort of medical questions, and I was so freaked that I just sort of blurted it out."

"As soon as he comprehended what I was asking, he clapped me on the back and said 'Welcome to the family, son.' Esme was beyond thrilled. I still can't believe that I kept a secret from Alice for a month."

"A month?" asked Bella.

"He ordered the ring from Europe a while ago, and it got in the week before we all went home," Alice explained.

It was intriguing to watch Bella as she fussed over the ring and Alice and Jasper's wedding plans. I knew that she would make a big deal out of it if only to be polite to Alice, but she seemed genuinely enthralled.

As the waiter came around to take drink orders, I began to think about how Bella and I had never discussed what we thought our respective futures would look like. Would Bella someday have a gaggle of kids? Would she want a big church wedding or a stylish downtown one? Or would she buck tradition altogether and choose to elope?

In the midst of these thoughts I felt four sets of eyes on me. Bella nudged me, "Edward, do you want champagne? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Champagne would be perfect. We need to make a toast."

We laughed and celebrated through the six course chef's tasting menu, which Alice begged us all to order. I took Bella's menu out of her hands before she could read the price, wanting her to focus only on the moment instead of money.

After one of several toasts to Alice and Jasper's happiness, she grabbed my hand from under the table, running her thumb smoothly over my fingertips.

"So, Edward," Alice began. "I know that no dates have been finalized yet, but we were wondering…"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd be our best man," finished Jasper.

A lump formed in my throat. "Of course, you know I'd be honored to be your best man."

"And Bella?" Alice said hesitantly.

Bella's face quickly turned from pale white to a concerning shade of red at the mention of her name.

"I know that the wedding is a long time away and that we've technically only been friends for a few months," Alice rambled in one large gulp. "But, I was hoping you would consider being a bridesmaid? You know I won't put you in a terrible dress, and if you _really _want to you can wear flats-"

"Alice, I would do anything for you. Of course I'll be a bridesmaid. I'll even start practicing walking in heels so I can stay true to your stylistic vision," Bella said with a laugh.

"Now tell me what you're thinking of as far as location?" she asked, ensuring that she wouldn't have to speak for the next twenty minutes while Alice explained the ins and outs of weddings in Manhattan.

_*-*-*_

By the time we finished all six courses, we were all exhausted. Alice from speaking so excitedly for two hours, Jasper from hanging onto Alice and reminding her to keep her voice down (there were stares from the other diners), and Bella and I from the large amount of food we'd eaten combined with the fatigue of Alice's uncontainable excitement.

As we said goodbye to Jasper and Alice, I decided that it would be the perfect night to show Bella my apartment.

She quickly agreed as we slid into the cab, laying her head on my lap once we were in and situated. It was an innocent gesture, but as I had discovered on the plane ride home the other day, the innocence of her intentions did little to curb my hormones.

Bella didn't seem to notice, though; she was quiet and pensive for the first few minutes of the trip.

"So, want to make a bet on how long it is before Alice turns into a bridezilla?" I asked her, hoping to investigate the sudden change in mood.

"Oh, I think that it's going to be lovely," Bella responded kindly. "And think about how excited your mom will be to help her plan. I'm sure Alice has been dreaming of this since she was a little girl."

"Was … that something that you thought about a lot?" I broached.

"My mom died when I was very young," Bella said softly. "Growing up with my dad, Charlie, I didn't really find myself thinking about impractical things like a potential someday wedding. I was always cooking, reading, or trying to scheme of ways to get out of going fishing with him."

She chuckled at the memory, but wore a sad expression. I was torn between probing the subject further or dropping it and kissing her sadness away. Another quick study of her face told me that she was alright, so I continued on, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her against me.

" Is it something that you'd think about as an adult?"

Her eyes cast downward. "I think about it sometimes. I don't see it happening for a long time, but deciding to spend the rest of your life with the person who you can't live without just seems so ..." she hesitated, reflexively balling her fists as she delved further into her thoughts. "It just seems magical, in the least corny way possible."

Her trademark blush had returned at full force. "What about you?" she asked.

"Absolutely," I said without hesitation. Was I blushing? My cheeks felt a little hot. This seemed a forward conversation to be having, but I was elated at Bella's admissions.

"I agree… spending your life with someone who makes you blissful is more than anyone could ask for. It's everyday magic."

I tilted my head to the side and looked deeply into Bella's eyes. She chuckled, unquestionably at the foreignness of my blush, and firmly locked her lips to mine, hers slightly parted. I kissed her back, our lips and tongues melting together. When I opened my eyes, I was faced with the most beatific smile I had ever seen.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered against the side of her face.

When I didn't hear a response for a few seconds, I became slightly concerned. I hoped that if she didn't feel the same way that she wouldn't feel awkward.

As I moved my face to gaze at hers, I found that tears were brimming in her eyes.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that, Edward. Because I am completely in love with you."

And just like that, all was right in the world.

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**Finally, right?

I went into this chapter dreading it, but the more I wrote the more I liked it.  
Just because Bella and Edward are in love, don't expect a double wedding or anything cheese-tastic like that. I'm much more practical than I am a romantic; I was pretty unsure at first about them being in love this quickly. Wedding bells would be in the way distant future.

Also, did anyone catch my nod to the last page of _Twilight_?

If you're interested in what Bella's dress or Alice's engagement ring look like, check my profile for links to both : )

Thanks so much for the great reviews from spagirl, cullengirl08, and inside-the-disarray! Reviews literally make my day, so please don't be shy!

And, as always, every person who reviews (any chapter!) will receive a sneak-peek of the upcoming chapter in their mailbox before it's posted.

**Title from:** "Inches and Falling" by the Format.  
(LOVE LOVE LOVE! Check them out as well as Nate (lead singer from the Format)'s new band Fun. Links to both are on my profile!)


	15. Spectacular Views

**Mine: **A pink Hello Kitty hairdryer (still used, even though I'm 22, because it's really damned good.) A very frustrating post-grad job search.

**Not mine:** Edward, Bella, Alice… you know, any of them. SM owns.

* * *

**BPOV:**

Tears fell down my cheeks as I told Edward I was in love with him.

It wasn't a surprise that I found myself crying- I'd always been slightly emotional- but it was still embarrassing.

"What's wrong, love?" Edward asked as he wrapped his arms around me, standing in front of the building I knew his apartment was in.

"It's not that anything's wrong," I said, slyly trying to wipe my nose against the back of my hand. _Gross. This is what happens when you don't wear enough clothes!_

"It's just that… do you ever find yourself feeling nostalgic for a moment before it even passes?"

"I'm not sure I follow," he said as he gazed into my eyes.

"There's a sad quality about knowing that one of the best moments of your life has just happened, and that you can never get it back," I had to smile. I knew I was weird.

"I can promise you one thing, Bella," he began as he wrapped his arms tightly around me and began kissing up and down the side of my neck.

"There are more best-moments-of-your-life around the bend. Constantly."

"There will be as long as I'm with you."

His mouth enveloped mine, and my mind was gone. Across the street. Up the stairs. At his front door.

"This is it," he said as he pried his lips from mine and opened the door.

All I could do was gasp.

"It's gorgeous."

It truly was.

The entire wall in front of us was composed of floor-to-ceiling windows, showcasing the beauty of New York at night. The walls alternated between a deep violet and a gorgeous emerald green. The black furniture looked like it would have easily fit in on display at the Museum of Modern Art, making me feel a little mortified that Edward had spent the week in my Ikea-clad-abode. Silver photo frames, lamps, and pieces of art tied the room together beautifully.

I felt compelled to take my heels off and keep my arms tightly at my sides. Clumsiness strikes at the most inopportune times.

"Alice," was all Edward could say.

"And you," I gestured to the piano, twirling around and feeling like a princess.

"And you," he laughed as he stroked the side of my face.

"Would you like a tour?" he asked.

"Abso-WHEW!" he grabbed my hand and twirled me around. My lack of coordination wouldn't allow me to be spun and speak at the same time. "-lutely," I laughed.

As he showed me the different rooms, I couldn't help but think about how different our upbringings, and to some extent our presents, were.

Despite all the obstacles and vast differences, though, we had found each other.

"And this is _our_ room," he said with a smile as he pulled me into the last unexplored bedroom.

I couldn't help but return the smile.

The room was so different from the others; it was clearly the one room that Alice hadn't gotten her hands on.

A large mahogany sleigh bed occupied a good chunk of the exterior wall, placed in front of the windows. There was a homier- yet elegant- feel to the decorations, largely wooden unlike the silver tones which dominated the rest of the apartment. The walls were beautiful- a deep chestnut brown base with a gold shimmering topcoat. My eyes took in several framed photographs of Alice, Esme, and Carlisle on the walls, and one that was tilted at an angle that made it impossible for me to see on his nightstand.

As I made my way around the bed to see what it was, he caught me in his arms.

"It's you."

At one of the first freelance gigs I had worked, a record release party for a band so terrible that I can't remember their name merely a month later, the label had hired a photography company to snap partygoers' for inclusion in Spin Magazine, who co-hosted the event.

The Bella and Edward in that picture were so far away from the people we were now, but looking at the photo for the first time it all became pretty clear.

"Did you know back then?" I asked, knowing he would follow.

"Yes."

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you," I replied as I studied the way his arm was lovingly snaked across my back in the photo. His eyes were trained on me, and I was mid-laugh.

I sat the frame down on the nightstand and wrapped my arms around his neck. He gently grasped the back of my thighs and pulled my legs around his hips, leading us both onto his bed.

"It will always be you," he said confidently as he slid his hand up the side of my dress.

* * *

I awoke the next morning wrapped in a combination of sheets, Edward's clothing and my own. I reached out to wrap myself in his arms, but came up empty. A small, simple alarm clock on his nightstand next to our picture told me that it was already 11:30. Where was he?

I found all required pieces from my outfit from the prior day surrounding the bed. I put them on quickly, and as I made my way to the bedroom door. The clinking of piano keys gave away Edward's location. I quietly opened the door and snuck out into the hallway, wanting to listen without interrupting for as long as possible.

I had never heard the song before he was playing before, but the bright and emotional melody put a smile on my face.

Edward was more talented than anyone had ever let on.

The piece was clearly a work in progress, evident from his low grumbles of "Shit!" that would accompany moments of silence, followed by renewed bursts of chords and keys with different melodies.

I could have sat listening to him for hours, but a loud grumble from my stomach convinced me to show myself.

"Good morning," I said as I entered the living room and got a clear look at the piano for the first time in daylight. "It's beautiful!"

"I know, it's a shame it went unused for so long," he said as he slid the cover over the keys.

"What were you playing?"

"Oh, just a little something I started but never finished," he said as he rubbed my head, surely making my already disheveled hair even crazier.

Before I could ask more about it, my stomach growled again, which didn't go unnoticed by Edward.

"Well, we can't have you unfed. What do you want for breakfast? Or lunch, I guess, time is fleeting."

"Why don't you pick? Where's your favorite place to eat when you're home?"

"Are you okay with going out or would you rather order in?"

"Looking like this?" I laughed at him. "You can't have me doing the walk of shame, can you? Or stride of pride, you know, the classier title seeing that I _would _be wearing heels."

Edward looked at me for a moment with a completely earnest look on his face before laughing out loud.

"Dine in it is."

Lunch and the rest of the day moved by pretty quickly; Edward ordered in amazing pastries and sandwiches from a deli down the street, and we spent a quiet afternoon together.

That night I had a sold-out show to cover at the Blender Theater at Gramercy, so I had to leave early in the evening to stop by home and change first. A night without Edward seemed foreign, but work was work.

-*_*-

On the subway ride back to my apartment I noticed my cell phone was dead. _If Edward and I are going to switch off on staying at each other's places, we should probably buy extra phone chargers_, I thought.

I plugged in my phone and briefly verified the concert information before I jumped in the shower.

While rinsing the shampoo from my hair, I heard my cell ringing loudly from the other room.

_"Live like it's the style!" _  
When I first heard the song "Oscar Wilde," I had thought of Alice. It only seemed fitting that the song should become my ringtone for her.

I tried to hurry the showering process, but after two slips resulting in landing on my butt the decision was pretty much made for me that I would just call her on my way to the show.

I threw on clothes and found to my dismay that I was running a half an hour later than planned . I grabbed my phone and bag, headed to the nearest intersection and prayed that I'd find a taxi quickly._  
_  
_SOS! On two fronts. Where are you? _Alice had texted after I missed her call.

_Trying to hail a taxi in Brooklyn. Sorry I missed your call. What's up?_

_Why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming up so quickly?_

Crap.  
How did she find out my birthday?

I had never really found much enjoyment in celebrating birthdays; being the center of attention only got harder as I got older. I purposely hadn't told Edward or Alice that my birthday was a little over two weeks away, and seeing that we had no mutual friends I wondered how news had traveled.

My phone quietly chirped its message alert as a taxi finally pulled up after a few minutes' wait. I gave the cabbie the address and checked the message.

_Facebook._

FACEBOOK.  
There was no getting out of it.

_Sorry, I guess it slipped my mind. But it's not a big deal, I don't really like birthdays._I was pretty sure "not a big deal" didn't exist in Alice's vocabulary.

_It's okay, I'm already on it. Don't worry! I'll just need a guest list of everyone you want me to invite by Friday, okay? _

How would Alice respond to a guest list that only included her, Edward, and Jasper?

_What is the other SOS?_

_Bridesmaid dress colors. I need your thoughts. Can you come with me to look at some tomorrow?  
__It will be minimally painful, I promise._

_Sure. Text me the info.  
__  
_As soon as my text to Alice went through, I sent one to Edward._  
_  
_Help. SOS. Alice is planning a birthday party for me. What are the chances that you can a.) get it cancelled or b.) severely reign her in? And convince her I know nothing about bridesmaid dresses, too?_

The journey seemed extremely quick, and I was still waiting for Edward's response as I entered the venue.

_a.) None. b.) Unlikely. She called me a few hours ago in fits because I didn't tell her about it first. I'm pretty sure you deserve a party for not telling even me :p c.) She won't care if you don't know- she educates. Lucky you!_Cullens.

I found a seat and enjoyed the show, finding that sentences to include in my review were just coming to me as I watched. As the band left the stage I felt at ease knowing that a large chunk of my writing was already done for me.

As I traveled back to Brooklyn, I tried to wrack my brain for potential invites to the party.  
Aside from the Cullens, I was drawing a blank.

It stung when I realized that the only real friends I had were Alice, Jasper, and Edward. Jacob didn't count, seeing as he was on the other side of the country. Even then… things were a little weird there.

The occasional text trickled in, but as the season passed, their frequency had reached near stand-still. Phone calls were non-existent. I tried to tell myself that it was because the time zone difference was so major, but I knew that our relationship had forever been altered by my move.

I loved being so close with Alice and Edward, but at the same time I missed the old _me_. I missed my old friends. I missed Forks. I missed the deafening silence at night, save for the gentle melody of the crickets permeating my window.

These thoughts weighed heavily on my mind as I trudged up the steps to my apartment. The homesickness had hit me unexpectedly, and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe my mind's sole purpose was to sabotage my chances at happiness.

I realized how silly I was being; by all standards, I led a pretty blessed life. As I unlocked my door, my _new _home pulled me in. I turned on some music, got comfortable on my couch, and began to write my review.

Four hundred words in, though, I found myself opening a separate Word document and halfway through a letter to Jacob before I even realized it.

_Dear Jacob,  
I know it's been sort of hard to communicate when we're across the country, but I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you. I wish you could be here with me… I know you don't think you would like New York, but I'm pretty sure that there are some things here that even _you _would like : )  
I ask Charlie about you all the time. How is Billy doing?  
Please write back whenever you can. I really miss seeing your goofy face every day._

Bella

The message blinked and I received confirmation that it had been sent. There was only so much I could do from here in New York, but I wasn't giving up on him yet.

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**Edward and Bella, sitting in a tree!  
As the Smiths say, good times for a change.  
So, I haven't really mentioned this previously, but I always planned on this being a rather short story- I'm thinking there will probably be three to four more chapters plus an epilogue. Maybe not, though? Big things are around the bend.

Thank you to the fantastic readers who reviewed since the past posting- SherlyB, inside-the-disarray, and CullenGirl08. Just a reminder that I send people who review sneak-peeks of the upcoming chapter, so it's definitely in your interest to drop me a line or two. Plus.. as anyone who knows me in real life can attest, I get REALLY excited- clapping and bouncing up and down frequently take place. Make me happy!

**Title from:** "Spectacular Views" by Rilo Kiley


	16. Don't Change Your Plans

**Mine:** A really nice Bob Dylan print from the new(ish) Legacy collection. A confusing crush on Tom Colicchio.

**Not mine: **Twilight. New Moon. Eclipse. DEFINITELY not Breaking Dawn. SM owns my life.

* * *

**EPOV:  
**

"Close your eyes. I need your complete concentration. Are you ready?"

I sighed.

"This is an important decision, Edward. Seriously."

"I'm ready."

"House marinated salmon on toasts or black olive patè on toasts?"

"Alice, are we talking about the same person, here? Bella wouldn't want _anything _on toasts."

"But it's for a party! It's not like I'm offering it up for a mid-morning snack."

"Think simple."

"Which do you want to taste first? The patè? Once you try it you will change your mind."

On one hand, Alice was annoying me. The party she was planning for Bella's birthday wasn't _Bella. _From the food options to the venues Alice was scouting… it was all wrong.

On the other hand, I was pretty sure that Alice's obsessing over the smallest details for the party was for her own benefit; her student fashion show was quickly approaching and on top of that she was trying to pin together wedding possibilities, both of which were extremely stressful. Water balloon tossing was my way of dealing with stress; throwing herself into details was Alice's. It gave her control over _something._ At least that was my own unprofessional analysis, courtesy of two semesters of psychology courses freshman year._  
_

"Have you asked Bella what she wants, Alice?"

I mean, it was the most simple approach.

"I want it to be a surprise! I want her to feel special and not have to make any decisions, just to have fun."

Beneath her neurotic tendencies, I knew that Alice really did mean well and that the party was a way of showing Bella how much she loved her. While I wasn't exactly in love with being Alice's point person, I knew I had to be there for her… God knows she was always there for me.

"Okay. I agree, she _should _feel special. But I don't think that having a big fancy party in an upscale restaurant or bar is Bella."

"Do you have any other suggestions?" Alice asked. Her voice was tight, but not unkind.

"Let's brainstorm. Between the two of us, we should be able to figure out the perfect party. First of all, let's re-think the venue."

"But, Edward, these are the hottest-"

"I know, Alice, but trust me. Bella's favorite thing is music, let's start there. There are clubs and venues all across the city, maybe we could rent out a private room in one of them," I offered.

She daintily bit the edge of her pen as she visibly mulled the idea over.

"Clubs are dirty, venues are sort of loud… what if we rented out a recording studio?" she asked.

"I think that would be great. So, we can contact studios and see which ones are available."

"On it," she replied, hurriedly jotting down notes onto her massive notepad, which was taking up most of the table.

"So if _toasts_ aren't Bella's thing, what do you think she'd like?"

"I think she would really like simple appetizers. Think chicken fingers, not house marinated salmon."

"Ooh!" Alice began excitedly, suddenly drumming her fingers on the table as her eyes glazed over.

"What if we had simple appetizers, but classed up? Instead of chicken fingers, chicken skewers in…"

Her speech was cut off as she flipped the notepad page and furiously wrote down half of a page worth of material.

"Okay! We're finally getting somewhere," she said with a smile as she resurfaced.

_*_*_*_

The days following our meeting were filled with frantic phone calls and texts from Alice.

Bella and I were en route to my apartment from an early dinner when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Again.  
_  
I know you said a studio would be preferred over anything swank. But… is a famous studio okay? _I chortled, imagining the possibilities Alice could have unearthed. Visions of trans-Atlantic flights to Abbey Road studios filled my head. You had to give the girl limitations.

_How famous are we talking? If it involves a flight, no. Otherwise… yes, that's fine._

Bella glanced over at me, gently shaking her head at my laughter. She knew there was a party, and I made no effort to conceal the fact that it was Alice texting me every hour. She was a good sport, though, and she didn't outwardly express anguish at the thought of the party, nor did she ask any questions.

I loved her.

My phone vibrated again.

_Electric Lady Studios. You know, the ones that Hendrix guy built._

Oh, Alice. That Hendrix guy.

Bella was never one for excess, but I could imagine her excitement at being in the same studio where some of her favorite bands had recorded their albums.

_I think that would be perfect, _I responded.

_Now, do you want to take her the dress I designed for her, or should I?_

I suppressed an outright guffaw and quickly typed my response, looking apologetically at Bella. She knew how Alice was- until I responded, she would keep texting, eventually turning the texts into calls.

_HAHA! You KNOW the answer to that, Al. It's ALL you. Got to go. _I shut my phone off when we got to my apartment, in an effort to keep the party planning at bay.

"And so, I'm backstage after the band's set, and the tour manager bangs on the band's door to get them to come out and say hi to me," Bella continued as she pulled me down beside her on the couch. We were comparing our most mortifying moments.

"And the guitar player, Johnny, you know him, right?"

She waited for me to confirm.

"Right, he's the guy from-"

"YES. Super famous! So, Johnny opens the door to the dressing room. He's shirtless, and all the guys are kinda huddled about around him. I look down out of habit and see that he has a sizeable amount of pot that he's packing into a bong. I look up, probably looking like I'd seen a ghost or something. He looks me up and down, rather lazily, and says 'Do you want to join in?'"

"You had to have died!" I was laughing so hard there were tears welling in my eyes.

"I'd never even _seen_ pot before, let alone smoked it, and here this legendary musician is looking at me all expectantly. Of COURSE I wasn't going to smoke, so I tried to say 'No thank you!' and gracefully exit the stage…"

"But?"

"But instead I tripped over a lighting rig and sprained my ankle. I had to wait inside the dressing room while they called an ambulance!" She laughed, shaking her head in her hands.

"And this is why I have no street credibility!"

"Well, someone completed their D.A.R.E. training!" I joked, patting her hair.

"It's easy to laugh if you weren't the girl splayed out on the middle of the stage. What about yours? Come on, I want to hear."

"Mine's not funny, really, just terribly embarrassing. I wish it were a funny mortification."

"Well!" she motioned, rolling her hands as if to hurry my story along.

"It was during my freshman year at NYU." I started the story slowly, with a bit of trepidation creeping into my voice.

"It was halfway through the quarter, and I had noticed that my abnormal psychology professor had been acting a little strange around me."

Bella was bouncingup and down in anticipation.

"You're spending too much time with Alice," I sighed before continuing.

"I sat in the front row, out of habit, and she tended to… find reasons to touch me during class."

In full out cackles, she was bent over, trying to catch her breath.

"And so someone turned her in to the Dean of the Psychology department as having a non-wholesome relationship with one of her students, and I had to testify to the academic integrity committee that I wasn't sleeping with or receiving any other sort of favors from her," I said in a rush, finding myself needing a breath too.

"Was she a Doctor? A Doctor… Feelgood?"

"It's easy to laugh when you're not the one who had that written on his white-board in permanent marker!"

We leaned against each other, laughing at first before resting in a comfortable silence. Bella watched the latest episode of Project Runway, and I simply watched her.

Her facial expressions were so vivid for someone with no actual stake in the show; when someone cried, concern splayed across her face. When one of the contestants laughed, the corners of her eyes would crinkle and she'd wear a toothy grin. During the suspenseful judging sequence, she roughly chewed the corner of her lip.

Fascinating.

As the episode ended, she turned her attention back towards me, probably wondering why I was grinning like a fool. By now she knew that her presence simply did that to me.

"What is your favorite thing about New York?" she asked, a master of the non-sequitur.

"Its proximity to you?" I asked, cocking my head to the side and running my fingers through my hair out of habit.

"No, seriously, what keeps you here?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "You know college originally brought me here. Once it ended, it seemed a logical place to remain in terms of future employment. After that didn't pan out, I think I told myself I was staying for Alice. But now that she's engaged, it's a legitimate question. What is keeping me here?"

I was deep in thought as a I picked at the fraying hemline of the jeans I was wearing. Curious, indeed.

"What keeps you here?" I asked her in return.

"Aside from having just gotten here?" she laughed.

"I forget sometimes that you're a recent transplant."

"New York is an interesting place. Growing up in the middle of nowhere, it's kind of like a mythical place where you _have _to move if you want success. From the moment I decided I wanted to write about music I knew that I'd end up in New York. And it was really exciting," she took a deep breath as she continued.

"I like it here. It's busy, there's a ton of stuff to do, so many great bands every night… but sometimes I miss home. I miss the quiet. I miss being able to jump into my car and run to a grocery store that charges less than $15 for a pound of turkey," she said with a laugh.

"It's the little things, you know."

"I do know," I said, cupping her hands between mine.

"It's like… so many people spend their whole lives trying to get here, and…"

"You never even think about the ones who are trying to get out," she finished.

"Exactly." Sometimes little things like finishing each other's sentences made my day.

"I miss my dad. I really miss my best friend from back home, you know, Jacob."

She had told me about Jacob before, and I knew from her tone of voice during those few occasions that she really missed him. I knew I had no reason to be jealous, but my chest tightened at his name.

"My favorite thing about New York, though," she said, suddenly smiling rather brightly.

"My favorite thing about New York would definitely be you."

_*_*_*_

The week leading up to Bella's birthday passed quickly. Despite asking her what she wanted several times, Bella never would tell me what gift she would like for her birthday.

I was thumbing through catalogs at Alice's apartment a few days before the party, waiting for her to finish screaming at the catering company over some small mix-up, when I found something that reminded me of Bella through and through. I pulled out my cell phone to have the store hold it for me when Alice's voice pulled me back to the moment. I dropped the catalog, and re-opened it to a random page.

"EDWARD!" Alice screamed when she saw which catalog I was grasping. The catalog which was now open to the engagement ring section. I immediately cringed, knowing what was coming.

"Don't overreact!" I begged.

"It's not what you think."

"Jasper, we'll be back later!" Alice yelled into the hallway, grabbing her purse and cell phone.

"It looks like we've got some shopping to do," she said as she grabbed my hand and tugged me out of the front door.

"Alice, it's not necess-"

"Ba-ba!" she muttered in an attempt to shut me up.

"Mr. Bellsky!" Alice's voice rang like a bell as we entered the lobby, effectively taking two years off the startled doorman's life. He jumped and turned around with a smile.

"Mr. Bellsky, my brother is proposing to his girlfriend! Isn't that romantic?"

"Why, Miss Alice, it sure is!"

"Sorry to cut this short, Mr. Bellsky," I apologized as I pulled Alice out the door.

"Congratulations!" He called after us.

"You do know that Tiffany's _does_ sell other things than engagement rings, right, Alice? Do you really think I'd propose to Bella after this short of a time period?"

My sister didn't think with her brain, she thought with her heart.

"So you're _not _buying her an engagement ring?" she asked, dejected.

"Not yet," I said clearly.

"Yet!" She bounced up and down as we walked down the block.

"When? Oh my God. We could do a double wedding! I mean, if done badly it would be cheesy, but you know I wouldn't let-"

"Alice!" I snapped loudly.

"No engagement! No double wedding! Birthday present," I motioned to the catalog, still in my hands.

"Do you think she'd like this?" I motioned to the charm which had caught my eye earlier.

Alice studied it for a moment. Her silence made me nervous.

"I think she is going to kill you if she ever sees the price tag," she began. "But I think that it's beautiful, and it will remind her of home every time she sees it."

"That's what I thought, too."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Alice stepped onto Park Avenue and threw her hand in the air, a taxi stopping to pick us up almost immediately.

"Tiffany's, please."

* * *

**BPOV**

"This is only going to hurt a little bit," Alice promised as she brought her face close to mine.

"Ouch! Do we really have to do this, Alice?" I twisted my face into the most pathetic pout I could muster to drive the point home.

"Now, Bella," she looked at me with eyebrows raised as the crossed her arms, tweezers still in hand. "I asked you if you'd rather go to a salon. I could have gotten us into Bergdorf's. BERGDORF'S, Bella."

"I.. I.. go ahead," I sighed.

_Pain is temporary. _

"I'm so glad you like the dress I made you!" Alice exclaimed as she got back to business on my eyebrows. She was cheery enough for the both of us.

"It's gorgeous, Alice, you shouldn't have," I told her again as I looked downward at the pink dress she had ushered me into only an hour earlier.

"I kept the bodice simple because I wanted you to be comfortable, but I thought that the bottom would be really fun with the juxtaposition of the ruffles with bias of the…" she rambled.

I tried to keep up, honestly, but at the mention of bias I lost her train of thought.

"Bella?"

"Sorry, I'm pre-occupied in my thoughts," I admitted.

"It's okay. Don't be nervous! Everyone is going to be there for you."

"That's what makes me nervous!"

"You'll be fine," she said soothingly as she touched up my hair.

"Just shoes, a little more eyeshadow and you'll be perfect!"

"Can you tell me where we're going yet?"

"Nope!" she replied, popping the end of the word as she disappeared into the closet.

Once she re-appeared from the depths (and I do mean _depths_) of her closet, we joined Edward and Jasper in the front room. I teetered on my heels, and silently cursed Alice's well-meaning but terribly executed choice in shoes for me.

They were booties. Suede booties. With open toes. And four-inch heels.

I couldn't look down at my feet.

But I didn't have to, because as soon as I walked into the front room Edward pulled me onto his lap.

"You're gorgeous," he whispered into my ear.

"No, you're gorgeous!" He was.

"I'm nervous," I admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry about all of this," he apologized as he twisted one of the loose curls Alice had so carefully put into my hair.

"I know you'd rather be… well, anywhere but here."

"No, Edward, it's really nice. I really appreciate that you and Alice would do this for me."

"Oh, no," he said quickly and lowly. "_Our_ celebration is tomorrow night, on your actual birthday. I fought for that one. You'll find it's a far less formal affair."

"Come on, lovebirds!"

Apparently the car had arrived during our conversation. Alice and Jasper were already in the hall.

"Coming!" Edward called. "I'll lock up," he told them as he gently lifted me up and spun me around once in the middle of the room.

"Gorgeous."

_*_*_*_

"So, can you _please _tell me where we're going?" I pleaded with Edward as we made our way down the stairs to Alice's lobby.

"Time will tell," he said in a cheesy, ominous voice before cracking up laughing.

"I want you to be surprised. But you _will _like it, I promise.

"Okay, but just to clarify… We're not going to be at the top of the Empire State Building or anything crazy like that, right?"

"Is fear of heights going to be a problem?" he asked with what I HOPED was fake concern.

I spotted Alice and Jasper climbing into a limo parked along the curb.

"Ugh," I whined. "Fear of the Cullens is a reality far worse than that of heights," I joked as he pulled me out the front door.

The limo ride was short. Had I been concentrating on our path instead of tucking my head into the crook of Edward's arm I may have noticed where we were going. As it was, though, I battled nausea and an exasperated Alice, upset because I was messing up my hair that she had so carefully crafted.

Honestly, I was just excited that I hadn't thrown up onto all of our shoes.

By the time we arrived, I was both thoroughly lost and dreading the scene to follow. I'm pretty sure that outwardly I wasn't moping, but on the inside I was miserable. I'd never had really good experiences with parties in the past. I bit my lip as Edward gently tugged me out of my seat and the limo.

As I landed into his arms on the sidewalk, I realized where we were.

"THIS is where we're going?!" was all I could manage to say.

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
****  
**Does anyone have any predictions regarding the party? Will she love it or hate it? Will there be any special guests or will it be an intimate gathering? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

My prediction two chapters ago about there only being three or four chapters left? Wrong. I'm not sure how many, but definitely more than two.

I got so many great reviews since the last chapter! Let me give a blanket eternal thank you to SherylB, CullenGirl08, EdLovesMe, ReluctantAuthor12, and as always, inside-the-disarray. You all rock!!!

As a reminder, you too can be as rocking as these guys- review! If you review this (or any) chapter, I'll send you a preview of the next chapter as it's being written. And I'll do a happy dance when my phone beeps to tell me that you reviewed. Seriously. I need to be more discerning of my reactions : )

So, next chapter: the party. Edward's present to Bella. More fun!

Check out my profile for a link to Bella's dress (based off of a Betsey Johnson design.)  
**  
**

**Title from: **"Don't Change Your Plans" by Ben Folds Five(!!!)


	17. This is Your Life

Mine: A newfound love for the _Buffy _series. A massive headache. Excitement for this chapter!!

Not mine: You know. Everything S.M.-related.

* * *

**BPOV**:

I'd seen Electric Lady Studios in the liner notes of a few of my favorite albums. I had seen pictures of it on the internet. I never thought I'd be there.

Alice pulled me forward as she tilted her head at the bouncer guarding the door, nodding in acknowledgement.

"Big D, thanks again," she said as we slipped inside.

"Are you surprised?" she asked, leading me down the stairs and through the lobby. I'd never seen so many music artifacts in one room.

"More than you can believe," I breathed as we travelled down the ramp and into a large studio.

"But wait! There's more," Jasper joked as I audibly caught my breath at the sight of the decorations.

The lighting inside the studio was dim, putting off a beautiful ambiance. Scattered on top of every elevated surface were an uncountable number of tea light candles.

Although I had created the guest-list, I had been worried about the co-mingling of guests being awkward, since most of them didn't know each other. My nerves settled as I noted that everyone who had shown up seemed to be meshing well, drinking, laughing and introducing themselves.

"Happy birthday, Bella," Alice whispered as she hugged me tightly.

"This is incredible," I whispered back.

As a writer, I was used to finding the right set of words to describe the most vivid of scenes. As I stood and looked at all of the people who had come to see me, though, I got choked up and found that words evaded me.

"I know we just got here, but would you mind if I gave you your present?" she asked.

"Alice, this was present enough. I can't believe you would get me anything else."

"I can!" Edward joked as he wrapped my arms around my waist.

"Okay… if you insist!" I conceded, throwing my hands up in the air as Jasper motioned up the ramp.

"After you, miss."

"Do you know what I'm getting myself into?" I carefully and quietly whispered into Edward's ear as we walked up the ramp.

"She wouldn't tell me…. But, what was the name of that Van Gogh painting that you admired so? I know she was making a lot of phone calls to the Met this week…" he trailed off.

"What?" I squeaked, stopping in my tracks. Jasper, unaware of my quick stop, collided with me, sending me stumbling forward.

"Oof!" I grunted as I fell against a studio door in front of us.

"Are you okay?"  
"I'm so sorry, Bella! Are you hurt?"  
"Can you walk?"  
Their voices jumbled together in a well-meaning but unnecessary cloud of overprotection.

"Guys, no one spends as much time falling down as I do without building somewhat of a tolerance," I joked.

"I'm fine, seriously."

"Okay, good!" Alice recovered quickly.  
"Good, good, because your presents from me and Jasper wait right through these doors!"

"Presents? Plural?" I asked, ignored by the other three.

She ushered us in, and my breath caught in my throat as I saw a massive gift box with wrapping paper that looked like it cost more than the sum of all my possessions.

"Guys!" I managed to squeak as I pulled on Edward's sleeve, hoping he would convey what I was unable.

"It's not going to bite, Bella!" Jasper chided with a smile.

"Open it," Edward gently whispered, his lips gently brushing along my ear as he pulled backward.

"O…k," I finally conceded. "But prepare for your deaths!"

"Oh, I think we can handle it!" Jasper cracked.

I approached the box with trepidation. Some things were too beautiful to mess up. As I gently grasped the edges of the lid and pulled upward, the entire box lifted. It was incredibly light considering the size.

The room was fairly dimly lit. As I removed the lid and sorted through the numerous sheets of tissue paper, I was fairly sure that either my eyes deceived me or they had forgotten the present.

"Maybe the box wasn't necessary," Alice apologized.

"Oh, come on, like it wasn't worth it just to see the look of horror on her face!"

"Jasper!" Alice rushed towards me. "It's in here somewhere."

Alice tilted the box on its side, the angle compensating for her short stature.

"Ah-hah!" she said triumphantly, removing a small clutch purse from the depths of the box and thrusting it towards me.

"Thanks so much, Alice! It's gorgeous," I beamed, thrilled that she had managed to rein herself in when choosing at least one of my presents.

"Bella! Do you seriously think I'm going to give you a clutch for your birthday? And one I made, at that? No. Your present is inside! Open it already!!!"

I unbuttoned the silky clutch, admiring the smoothness and the design. Alice may have intended it only as a portal for transporting the actual presents, but I admired it.

The first thing that caught my eye was a skinny piece of paper that took up the entire length of the clutch. As I pulled it out and examined it, tears pooled in my eyes, only to find that there were actually two stacked together.

"Sometimes New York gets old," Alice explained. "Just in case you guys need to escape some weekend. They're open-ended tickets. You can go anywhere you want, together."

"This is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me, you two. Thank you so much," I said as I rushed to hug them.

"There's more! Look in the bottom of the clutch," Jasper laughed from the middle of the group hug I had just created.

"Jasper picked it out," Alice added.

My fingers retreated into the bag, finding a delicate silver ring hiding in the corner.

"It's beautiful," I told them as I slid it on.

The face of the ring was wire twisted artfully into the shape of a treble clef.

"You are both far too kind, but I love both of the presents. Thank you so much."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Alice yelled out of nowhere. "Let's go dance!"

_*_*_

The night moved beautifully. It was the first time that all of my New York friends were assembled in the same place, and to my immense happiness everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

The DJ Alice had rented was fantastic, and as the night wore down I was surprised to find that I wanted to dance.

Edward was eating a piece of my delicious and ridiculous gold record birthday cake when the urge struck me. His lips were shiny from the gold icing, eliciting a giggle from me.

"What?" he asked while looking to make sure he hadn't dropped cake on his clothes.

"I love you," I told him as I kissed him, transferring the sugary icing to my own lips.

"So…. Do you want to dance?" I asked shyly.

"You want to dance?" he responded, nearly choking on the bite of cake he had just taken.

"Rumor is you won't let me fall."

"That's not a rumor," he said with a wink.

"I'm going to go request a song, I'll be right back."

"Yo birthday girl!" the DJ shouted as I approached his booth.

"You're doing a great job, I love all the music you're playing."

"Then why aren't you dancin', girl?"

"I'm terribly clumsy. Refraining is pretty much a public service on my part. But, I was thinking that I could be inspired if you could do me a favor and play me a song?"

After a quick check of his records, he found the one in question and held it up for me. "You got it!"

As the previous song faded out, Ben Lee's voice began pumping from the speakers.

Edward met me on the edge of the dance floor, instantly wrapping one arm around my waist and offering his other hand to me.

It was awkward at first; I would never be anywhere remotely in the realm of graceful on even my best day, and Alice's shoes somewhat complicated the situation. As I swayed back and forth in Edward's arms, though, all thoughts drifted out of my mind. I could only concentrate on Edward's beautiful eyes and how I felt in his arms.

"I ache for you," Edward whispered the lyrics into my ear, instantly causing me to shiver.

"If only you knew," I whispered back into his.

When the song ended, Edward kissed my forehead sweetly and asked if I wanted to sit down.

I looked to my right, only to see Alice dancing to the music.

"I love Interpol," I explained. "'C'Mere' is one of my favorite songs… do you want to keep dancing?"

For the first time in my life, I didn't care how bad of a dancer I was. I didn't care if other people saw me. I didn't care if my clumsiness would result in a broken leg. I ran over to Alice, bounced up and down in time to the music, and dwelled in absolute bliss.

_This is my life._

_*_*_

When midnight rolled around, I found myself falling asleep as I slow danced with Edward.  
"Happy birthday," he squeezed me tighter, waking me up slightly.

"Cinderlla's going to turn into a pumpkin if I don't get her home," he turned and told Jasper and Alice before picking me up in his arms.

"Thank you for a lovely party, you guys," I stifled a yawn. "I don't know when I got so old. Guess I'll never _truly _be rock and roll."

"Your love for Fall Out Boy already ruled that one out!" Jasper laughed.

"Hey, am I not granted birthday clemency?"

"I guess I'll forget it just this once," he replied, messing up my hair as he said goodbye.

"You got your gifts, right?" Alice checked as we ascended the ramp.

"Mmm. Thanks again!" I said, barely able to keep my eyes open. I heard a faint goodbye from her as we exited the door and found the limo waiting for us.

"They're too good to me," I told Edward as I climbed into the limo.

"If anyone is worth it, it's you."

* * *

I woke up the next morning in my apartment with Edward at my side feeling completely refreshed. Edward was still asleep, so I decided to check my email and watch some TV until he woke up.

Aside from a couple band newsletters and a few confirmation emails from publicists, my inbox appeared pretty empty. My heart caught in my chest as I found an email from Jacob hiding between junk emails at the bottom of the page. I couldn't breathe as I waited for it to open.

_Bella,  
Life here is fine. Things are pretty quiet. Billy's the same as always, but his legs have been hurting him lately. I haven't seen Charlie around much.  
I miss you too, but there's not really much we can do about that._

Tears stung my eyes immediately. I knew I deserved his anger after deserting him, but his words hurt nonetheless.

Happy birthday.

I stared blankly at the laptop screen for a few minutes before I decided that I wasn't going to let Jacob Black ruin my day.

Wanting to allow Edward to sleep as long as possible, I quietly snuck into the bathroom and started the water for a shower. I docked my iPod, turned it to a low volume, and climbed into the shower.

Mid-rinsing my hair and losing myself in my thoughts, I heard the bathroom door click.

"Hi sleepyhead!" I joked.

"Morning, birthday lady," he sleepily called out as he brushed his teeth.

I turned off the water, grabbed my robe and shimmied out of the shower before I wrapped him in a hug.

"Are you ready for the best day ever?" A huge smile took up his face. I was pretty sure Edward was happier about my birthday than I was.

"Ooh, that's a pretty big buildup, do you think you can deliver?" I asked as I pushed him against the counter and began kissing up and down his neck.

"You might even call me arrogant, I'm _that _confident," he said, his hands gently pushing my robe off of my shoulders.

"I hope this is foreshadowing," I said into his neck as I undid the drawstring of his pajama pants.

He lifted me up onto the counter, exploring my body as his lips moved against mine.

This much I was sure: it was the best birthday morning I had ever had.

_*_*_

That afternoon, Edward and I had a late lunch at the best Italian restaurant in Brooklyn- or, if their sign was to believe, the world. He was annoyingly vague about what we would be doing that night, despite my several attempts to coax it out of him.

"I want you to be surprised," he told me as he shook his head for the tenth time.

"But it's only a few hours away, so I think I would be equally as surprised if you told me right now."

"Not gonna happen. Have some tiramisu!"

Although it moved as slowly as sand through an hourglass, time _did _move. Charlie called to wish me a happy birthday. I told him that he had sent me way too much money, but in typical Charlie style he refused to talk about it, just telling me that he was glad I got it. The rest of the afternoon was spent watching TV and hanging out at my apartment. Around 6:00, Edward announced that we should get ready to leave.

"For fashion reasons, I'm going to need to know even vaguely where we're going," I told him, thinking that I would have made Alice proud.

"What you're wearing is more than fine, I'm going to call a taxi."

I glanced down at my plain tank top and ratty jeans. Even though he assured me the outfit was fine, I changed into a casual empire waist tank dress that had been a staple of my wardrobe in college.

"You may want to grab a jacket," Edward called as I turned off the bedroom light and made my way to join him in the hallway.

_*_*_

"Are you surprised?" Edward asked as we pulled up to the Chelsea Piers.

"You constantly surprise me," I told him as he opened the door and helped me out of the cab.

Being on the water made me think of Charlie and home. I tried not to get overly sentimental, but throughout our dinner I found myself looking out to the wide expanse of water and wondering what Charlie was doing. And what Jake was doing. And _how _he was doing.

Edward gazed at me from across the table. He was a saint when it came to reading my moods and giving me space. I didn't want to ruin the night for either of us.

"You miss them," he said simply as I picked a strawberry off of the top of the cake we had been served.

"It's my first birthday that I haven't been at home. I just wonder what they're doing."

"I sort of had an idea," he began.

"What if we used the plane tickets to go to Forks for a weekend?"

I sat quietly, in love with his selflessness.

"Of all the places we could go, you want to go to Forks?" I questioned him kindly.

"I want to go wherever will make you the happiest," he said as he reached across the table to take my hand.

"That would be really nice, thank you."

"On the topic of home, I think it's time for me to give you your present."

"Home?"

"I saw it last week and I immediately thought of you," he said as he removed a small bright blue box from the inside of his jacket.

"Don't be terrified because it's from Tiffany's," he said with a laugh. "I promise I reined myself in."

My fingers gently removed the lid to reveal a gold necklace with a dainty and beautiful umbrella charm affixed.

"Since Washington is all about the constant rainfall, I figured you would think of home when you saw it," he stood up and took the necklace from my outturned hands, fastening it around my neck. "Secondly, it's sort of a reminder that I'll always be there to protect you. It's kind of cheesy, but…"

"I love it," I assured him with a smile.

"It's beautiful and unique."

"Just like you."

_____________________________________________________

**Author's notes:**

I was _SO TORN _about the direction I wanted to take this chapter. As spagirl08 guessed in her review, I was _thisclose _to bringing Jacob and Charlie to the party. I'm planning on posting that version of the chapter as an outtake, so add me to your author alerts and you'll be notified when I post it :) I may wait until this story is over, I'm still pretty undecided.

I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed from the bottom of my heart! You're all so sweet, and I appreciate your words very much. Spagirl08, inside-the-disarray, EliseShaw, CullenGirl08 and EdLovesMe, you guys are the best!

Elise brought up a really good point- the Jacob/Bella status may be unclear. In this story, they've never been together. Much like the series, Jacob has a major thing for Bella, but she's always rebuffed his advances. They were very close- like brother and sister close- before she moved, which makes his rejections of her now that she's moved even worse.

The future is wide open for Edward and Bella. Where do you think it will take them? Make your predictions in reviews. As always, I'll send you a sneak-peek of the upcoming chapter before it's posted with each review!

Check out my profile for pictures of Bella's ring as well as the necklace Edward got her.

**Title from:** "This Is Your Life" by the Killers


	18. The Execution of All Things

**Mine:** A big kid job! (I'm so excited! I just got the news a few days ago.)

**Not mine:** Anything related to Twilight.

* * *

**BPOV**

Alice was gazing into the mirror as the saleswoman adjusted her veil.

"Gorgeous," I sighed, reaching out to touch her extremely full tulle skirt while admiring the beading of the bodice.

"I think this is it," she agreed, the smile on her face uncontainable.

"Sweetheart, are you sure you don't want-" the saleslady began, motioning to a much more elaborate (and expensive) dress she had suggested for Alice earlier.

"Thank you, ma'am, but this is it," she said confidently.

"You make a breathtaking bride," I told her as I assisted her down from the box she had been standing atop. "It almost inspires _me _to dress up in a pretty white dress, although I'd have nowhere to go."

I gazed at the rack of bridesmaid's dresses I had yet to try on, feeling my cheeks burning.

"Someday," she nodded her head, eyes intently focused on mine. "I can see it now."

But the day wasn't about me or my hypothetical future wedding dress. I quickly asked what shoes she was thinking of wearing, and she launched into a heated pros and cons list of flats versus heels.

I had to admit that I was pretty impressed with Alice; she was much less of a Bridezilla than even I had expected. Over six months had passed since Jasper had proposed, and they had decided on a stress-free ceremony in Columbus. Through some pretty serious luck (or kismet, as Alice insisted) they had secured the very same park that Esme and Carlisle were married in years before. Edward had been fitted for his best man's tux the week before, and he and Alice's brother Emmett and his fiancé Rosalie were being fitted for their groomsmen and maid of honor attire the next day.

I took a picture of Alice in the dress on her phone so she could forward it to Esme. I think Alice was a little disappointed that her mom hadn't made the trip to New York to help her pick out a wedding dress, but she was doing the bulk of the planning back in Columbus. Alice had entrusted her mom with all of the catering decisions, renting the reception hall, and assembling the wedding favors.

I gently helped Alice out of the dress, carefully making sure I didn't zip up any of the tulle.  
"Your turn!" she said excitedly as she got dressed and carried her dress out to the rack, hanging it beside the numerous dresses picked out for me.

"I really want you to wear something that _you _like. I know that this isn't your thing, and I really appreciate you agreeing to be in the wedding."

"I love you, Alice," I hugged her. "Really, these are all beautiful. Do any of them go particularly well with Rosalie's dress? This is your day."

"The colors are silver and this shade of green, so any of these would go well. "

"I guess it's time to try stuff on, then?"

The next hour was a blur, like a montage you'd see in a teen girl movie. Each dress looked only slightly different from the last, making it hard to recall which I had preferred after I had tried on the bevy of dresses. Luckily, Alice had scrawled notes about each dress in her planner. Together, we decided on a simple Vera Wang tea-length dress with a ruched bodice.

Checking the time on her cell phone, Alice grabbed our dresses.

"I have a conference call with mom and one of the potential floral companies in an hour, so I've got to rush," she said as she led the way to the cash register.

The Cullens were a different breed than me, that was for sure.  
I began digging in my purse for my debit card, only to see Alice signing the credit card receipt.

"No complaints, my big day!" she chirped as she turned to discuss alteration with the clerk.

Alice offered to share a cab, but I decided that the crisp weather was too gorgeous to spend it in the back of a car. I couldn't walk all the way to Brooklyn, but I decided to just enjoy the scenery and catch the closest subway when I felt like it.

I was excited to see Carlisle and Esme again, and I was definitely looking forward to a trip to Columbus under far better circumstances than my last. There was something so refreshing about Columbus; I couldn't put my finger on it. It was certainly far larger than Forks, but it was a nice change of pace from New York. After living there for over half a year, I had some pretty conflicted feelings about the city. There was no denying that I had developed a far more lucrative writing career than I ever could have made for myself back home. The coldness and impersonality of the city had began to take a toll on me during the winter, making me long for the days of fireside hot chocolate at the diner with Charlie.

Whenever I found myself thinking about it too much, though, I reminded myself how lucky I was in every front of my life. I felt my cell phone vibrating in the pocket of my raincoat, and Charlie's name on the display made me instantaneously happy.

"Hi, dad!" I answered as I walked the thawing winter streets towards Brooklyn.

* * *

**EPOV:  
**

"So, Edward, how have you been feeling lately?" the doctor asked, carefully taking me in with his eyes.

"As a whole, I'm better than I've been in years," I answered honestly.

"Good, good," the doctor nodded as he trained his eyes on the yellow notepad taking up his lap.

"On a scale of one-to-ten, ten being the most, how often have you been having anxiety?"

I pondered his question for a moment. It was hard to quantify something that would constantly be a part of my life.

"Six."

"On the same scale, how intense are these feelings when they occur?"

"Five."

"Are you continuing the breathing exercises I taught you?" he questioned me.

"Yes, sir."

"Great, Edward. Now, I want to continue pinpointing the main sources of your anxiety. Think back to the moment when you last felt uncomfortable due to it. Can you tell me about it?" he asked.

I didn't have to think about it, the situation was weighing heavily on my mind.

"The subway ride here," I told him. "Out of nowhere, I just started feeling like nothing was in my control. I found myself breathing very quickly and shallowly, my mind was racing, and I felt like I just needed to get out of the car."

"Do these incidents often happen in confined places?" he probed.

"Not always. Sometimes it's walking down the street. Sometimes it's in the middle of a department store."

"Do you typically find that they occur when you're in an area with a lot of people, or is it more often when you're alone?"

"In high school it was when I was alone. But, since I've moved here, it's mostly when I'm in groups."

"Edward, I'd like to ask you about your anxiety levels when you were back in Columbus. What sort of events would set you off then?"

"That was a long time ago," I told him as I dredged my mind for the memories of high school.

"I know, but any bits that you can remember will help," he said in a hopeful voice.

"Well… I guess it was mostly typical high school stuff. SATs, exams, grades…" I trailed off.

"Our time's up, Edward, but I look forward to continuing this next week."

*****

A gust of cool winter air blew around me as I exited the offices front doors, taking my scarf with it.

I had meant what I had told the doctor; my life _was _technically the best it'd been in a long time. Bella and I had just celebrated our six month anniversary and were still together constantly. For the past five months I had been volunteering in the music department at an elementary school near Bella's apartment. Alice's wedding planning was in full effect; the ceremony was only a few weeks away in Columbus. Both she and Jasper were blissful.

I, on the other hand, still didn't know why I seemed to be incapable of being whole.

After some "What color is your parachute?" conversations with both Bella and my counselor, I had finally decided that I wanted to go back to school to become a teacher; I had always been a strong proponent for education, and I thought that every child deserved the chance to create the future that they wanted for themselves. Bella helped me scour the course listings for local colleges and universities, but I had yet to decide on one. Simply knowing that I had a clear direction for my future made me feel better.

These thoughts filled my head as I made my way back to Bella's apartment.

"So, you're concerned, dad?" I heard her say as I unlocked her door with the key she had given me a few months prior.

"But I don't understand… how could he have changed so much in such a short amount of time?"

She wore a pained expression on her face. Who was she talking about?  
"What kind of stuff?"

Only being able to hear her side of the conversation had its disadvantages.  
I wanted to comfort her, but she was so wrapped up in the conversation that I wasn't sure that she even noticed that I had returned.

"He said _what _to you?!?" she squeaked.

"Oh, NO. He does NOT get to say stuff like that. Not to me, and ESPECIALLY not to YOU," she intermittently punctuated her words.

"Dad, I'm going to go. No, I'm going to go. I'm calling his ass right now. I love you," she said as she angrily flipped her cell phone shut.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked lightly. She jumped at the sound of my voice, confirming that my presence went unnoticed.

"I'm fine," she said as the jabbed the buttons on her phone.

"Jacob Black, on the other hand, is about to be in pain."

I awkwardly stood in the corner of her front room, not wanting to invade her space on the couch, but not wanting to leave her apartment altogether. Her hand that wasn't holding the phone was curled in a fist, pulsating with each ring of the line.

"YOU," she growled into the phone, I assumed in response to Jacob answering.

"You do NOT have the right to make other people miserable just because you are. What's your damage? No, I don't even care. You can't magically decide to cut me out of your life after years of friendship just because-" she stopped abruptly. Tears filled her eyes

"That's not fair, I've _tried _to keep you in my life, Jacob. You know that! I've called, I've emailed, I've texted… but none of it was enough." Her tears had turned into outright sobs.

I generally considered myself a pacifist, but at that moment I wanted to break Jacob's face.

"What can I do, what can I do to make you happy?"

"Bella, maybe you should hang up," I broached as I moved closer to the couch. She ignored my advances, so I lowered myself onto the edge of the couch and grabbed a newspaper in hopes that I could divert my attention elsewhere.

"MOVE BACK?!" She bellowed loudly, tears still falling down her face.

A lump grew in my throat. Avoidance wasn't working, either.

"Let's be honest, Jacob," she spat, a fierce note of anger overtaking her tone.

"You know why I moved. And, as much as your friendship meant to me, it was _never _anything more than that. You _know _that. And… Hello? Jake?"

She snapped her phone shut, threw it on the floor, and wrapped her arms around her knees.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know how to start the conversation that we had put off for far too long.

"Bella, I-"

"We're done. Jacob and I are done."

"In…what capacity?" I asked, taking a deep breath.

Contempt still filled her eyes, punctuated even more so by my question.

"Every capacity. We've never _not _been there for each other. When his mom died, I was his rock. When Charlie and I hit the turbulent teenage years phase of our relationship, Jake and his garage were my solace. And now that I'm following my dreams, he's taking it out on me? Why can't he support me?"

"Maybe he hasn't figured out how to deal with losing you yet. Not that I'm excusing his behavior by any means, but maybe he doesn't know how to get it together?"

"I could understand that," she said as she sprang up from her seat. "But it's more than that. I think…" she breathed in deeply, focusing her attention on a flyer that had fallen from her coffee table to the floor during her outburst.

"I think that this is his retaliation for me not returning his feelings."

"He has feelings for you?" My heart swelled into my throat.

"Jacob has always had feelings for me. I tried to ignore them when I lived in Forks, and I did a pretty good job. Our relationship had always been somewhat physical- _not_ in a sexual way- and I think that we both took what we wanted from the friendship while ignoring the others' point of view."  
"So why does he write you off now?"

"It's more than choosing a city over him. I chose a complete stranger over him."

"Me?" I asked, surprised he even knew of my existence.

"Word gets around in small towns," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I overheard you talking to Charlie when I got here- what is he saying to him?" I still couldn't piece together the situation.

She laughed once, loudly and hollowly.

"He's pretty much vilifying me. I'm the slut who broke his heart and jumped into bed with the first guy who I saw in New York, apparently. I don't care for my sake, whatever he can possibly dream up doesn't make up for the fact that he is a sad individual. But it's not fair for Charlie to have to hear that kind of shit about me, to have to field questions and constantly try to preserve my honor or whatever the hell he thinks he needs to do…" she trailed off.

"I'm sorry,"

It was simple, but it was all I could offer.

"Maybe he'll wake up tomorrow and realize what a jerk he has been." I was ashamed of my inner insecurity which made my heart scream out in protest of Jacob re-appearing.

"Ugh," she moaned, unfazed. "Fuck Jacob. Want to go for a jog?"

One thing was for sure: Bella would never stop surprising me.

* * *

**Author's note: **

Wedding dresses, phone calls, and psych visits! What fun : )

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed the story over the past few weeks. You've been so awesome with the reviews that it's far simpler to do a blanket YOU ROCK MY WORLD! than figuring out all of the usernames. Sorry if I missed sending anyone a preview of this chapter (I'm pretty sure I did, but I figured that you'd rather read it in its entirety rather than wait for a short clip.) Real life has been crazy- I finally found a post-grad job (yay!), I'm quitting my two college part-time jobs, and I'm moving into my first apartment. Hopefully the chapter doesn't disappoint.

I'd love to hear your opinions on what's coming around the corner… any ideas? There are only a few chapters left, and anything could happen. Predictions?

Check out my profile for links to Alice's wedding dress, Bella's bridesmaid's dress, and the Goodale Park gazebo mentioned in the story.

**Song title from: **"The Execution of All Things" by Rilo Kiley (LOVE! Pre _Under The Blacklight_, anyways.)


	19. One of Us Must Know Sooner or Later

**Mine:** A pop culture blog you should read if you're into that sort of thing. A Twitter you should follow if you're into that, too. A profile with links to both of these : ) Sadly, not any of the particulars. The plot, however, is mine. No copyright infringement intended!

**Not mine:** Sadly, none of the particulars. The plot, however, is mine. No copyright infringement intended!

**

* * *

**

BPOV

"Your new album is fantastic," I began, hoping that my outstretched hand holding onto my tape recorder wasn't shaking too noticeably.

"Thank you," he nodded, pretending for both of our sakes that he hadn't heard that compliment in every interview he had done that day.

"Your live shows are heralded as the best in alternative rock today, no small feat considering you're a three piece band. If you had to choose- and you have to- would you rather Muse go down as a great touring band or a great studio band?"

I watched the lead singer Matt's facial expressions as he processed the question. He was silent for a few seconds, which always made me nervous; was my question too random? Had I offended him?

He broke the silence with a laugh. "That's a really great question. You can't have both, huh?"

While he took a moment to think it through, I silently pinched myself to confirm that the moment was real. Less than a year ago I was working two crappy part time jobs in Forks, while today I was tucked inside a corner at Starbucks interviewing one of my favorite musicians. As far as I was concerned, life could not get any better.

"A great touring band, absolutely," he finally continued. "I won't say it's _easy _to make a great studio album, but there's all kinds of smoke and mirrors that people can hide behind to make themselves better on a physical release."

"Like Auto-tune?" I questioned.

"Exactly. Whereas when you're performing live, you're creating a moment for thousands, hundreds, or even tens of people that they could remember for the rest of their life. I know that some of my favorite moments have been spent inside venues seeing bands I love, and I would love to help create memories as vivid as those for other people."

"That's beautiful," I told him genuinely as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Speaking of performing, care to reveal any tidbits regarding your upcoming tour with U2?"

"We're really excited," he began with a twinkle in his eye.

*****

It seems that everyone who is successful has a moment when they suddenly realized that they had made it. For me, it hit me when I held my copy of my first cover story, an interview with English rock band Muse's lead singer Matt Bellamy.

"Is this real?" I asked Edward, flipping quickly through the pages to find the article with my byline.

"It sure is," he laughed. "You look like a kid on Christmas morning!"

"It might even be better than that."

There was no way I was a good enough writer to have landed the coveted cover spot, let alone with a band as big as Muse. After my impromptu trip to Columbus months back, though, I fell into a good relationship with my editor at Audio Jack magazine. To make up for my cancellations, I offered to cover anything he needed covered- and he took me up on it. I was consistently writing four to five articles for Audio Jack a month, everything from play reviews to interviews with Russian dancers who spoke very little English.

I emailed my editor, Jack, the moment I heard Muse was playing in New York in hopes of reviewing the show. Because there were writers at the magazine with much more seniority, I assumed that someone had already requested to interview them. Impressed with the commitment to researching all of the minor interview subjects, though, Jack had offered me the interview as a thank you for months of hard work.

Clutching the magazine in my hands, I couldn't help but beam with pride. What do you do when all of your dreams have come true? I guessed it was time to create somef new goals.

These thoughts ran through my mind as Edward and I made our way to Manhattan to check out Bleecker Street Records in the village.

"You're quiet today," Edward whispered as he bumped me with the side of his hip. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm just thinking. Trying to mentally work things out."

"What sort of things?" he questioned.

"No, nothing bad. Just wondering… where do I go from here?"

"I'm not following," he said, charming my pants off with a curious crooked smile.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Hmm…" he began, looking skyward with the same grin plastered on his face. "Well, maybe living in Antarctica, Belize, Santorini… nope. The specifics are secondary, all that matters is that I'm with you."

"I'm serious!" I said as I playfully smacked his arm. "I feel like I've worked all my life to get somewhere. Now that I'm here, what's next? I can't just aimlessly wander around. I need to figure out what the next step is. And… I was thinking that maybe we could coordinate our steps together," I said, eyes suddenly trained on my shoes.

Edward lightly grabbed onto my wrist, circling me into him and gently pushing me up against the brick building we were walking along.

"You know, nothing could make me happier than hearing you say that," he moaned into my ear, lips caressing my earlobe.

His fingers traced the umbrella charm, a constant fixture on my neck since my birthday.

It struck me how incredibly lucky I was to be with someone like Edward; so kind, generous, loving, and flexible in his plans. My mind briefly flitted to Jake, who was still in a funk despite the months that had elapsed since I left Forks. Edward was nothing like him, and I was thankful for that. At the same time, though, my heart ached for the absence of someone who had for so long been such an integral part of my life.

But I pushed the feelings aside, as I had gotten use to doing on a semi-frequent basis.

"At least _one _of us knows," I joked as I kissed him firmly on the lips and resumed walking forward.

"Where do you see _yourself _in five years?" he asked, stroking my palm lightly as we walked hand-in-hand. "Or rather, if you could hand-design your life, what would you be doing then?"

"I think…" I began, a little nervous to vocalize the deepest, biggest, and possibly most ridiculous dream I had ever allowed myself to create. "I think I'd like to start my own magazine."

"Simple enough. What else?"

"What do you _mean _simple enough? I'd have to find financial backers, advertisers, graphic designers, writers…" my mind swam.

"And you could handle it all," he told me, as if it were as simple as tying a shoelace.

"I don't know _anything _about business!"

"But you would learn."

"I don't think reading _Publishing for Dummies_ is going to carry me through this one."

"Think of all the contacts you've built up over the past year. Everyone has to start somewhere. Taking some business classes couldn't hurt, either. You enjoyed school, right? Maybe pursue an M.B.A."

"That's a good idea. Do you _really _think I could do it?"

"I have no doubt that you could do anything you set your mind to, Bella."

"How's the school deciding process going?" I decided to question him back.

"Well, I feel like that kind of depends on what you want to do. And where you want to do it."

"We don't have to decide this all in one day," I reminded him as we turned a street corner and found the record store.

"We have the rest of our lives," he agreed as we slipped into my own personal slice of heaven, Bleecker Street Records.

A couple hours and several shopping bags later, we exited the store to scope out a street fair the owner told us was being held in Little Italy. We were not disappointed, and my stomach ached in anticipation of all the food I was sure to ingest.

"I think I'm going to get a gyro," Edward decided as we milled through the booths set up in the street.

"_Just _a gyro?"

"Why, what are you planning on getting?"

"Well, strictly based on the first pass through, I'm thinking deep-fried Oreos, chocolate covered strawberries, a funnel cake, and _maybe _the pasta bread bowl they're selling at the chicken parmesan booth."

"_All_ of that?" he sounded legitimately shocked.

"Hey! I toned it down, I was thinking about a caramel apple too."

"I guess I'll be the one to carry you home," he joked as he rumpled my hair.

The food was good; as well intentioned as my food wish-list may have been, I hit the consumption glass ceiling after only a funnel cake and the deep-fried Oreos.

"Too much grease," I moaned as Edward and I walked in search of a taxi.

"Oh, you mean you don't want this deep-fried Twinkie you picked up at the Oreo booth?"

I eyed him warningly.

"That's for later. Eat my Twinkie and die."

"You're so feisty when you're filled with fryer oil," he joked as he hailed a taxi and opened the door for me.

"Ungh." My head immediately found Edward's lap.

"Please remind me during the rehearsal dinner that no matter _how _great the food is that overconsumption leads to tremendous pain."

"Like that would actually stop you!"

The bumps in the street along with jostling frame were sending me on the express train to puke-ville.

I sat up, pressed my forehead against the glass, and rolled down the window.

"Are we ever going to get home?" I asked, forty five minutes later, as we sat idling on the Brooklyn Bridge.

"Accident," the cabbie mumbled, temporarily ceasing the very loud and fast conversation he was having with his Bluetooth.

"I'm guessing this should be reflected in the con column?" Edward spoke up.

"What 'con column'?"

"New York. To stay or go."

"…Does that mean you're thinking of going?"

"Well, we've been talking about things we do and don't like… I just thought we were exploring our options."

"I guess it doesn't hurt to talk about it," I agreed.

We were both pretty silent for the rest of the ride back to my apartment, probably both thinking about the very real decisions that lay in our distant future. I was terrible at making decisions, but I took solace in the fact that we had time for consideration and exploration of our different ideas.

While Edward had told me several times that finances weren't a factor, that was very much _his _world. Never one for taking gifts or having people pay for my way in any circumstance, I was still uncomfortable with Edward's insistence that he would handle the financial burdens of our life together. I knew that I was lucky- women do terrible things to get into positions similar to the one I had fallen into- but it just wasn't me. A few months back Edward had offered to buy out my lease and have me move into his apartment, but I couldn't do it; I needed to maintain some semblance of independence.

"So, are you reading for this wedding?" I spoke up as the cabbie turned onto my street.

"As ready as possible. I can't believe it's only two days away," he replied.

"I know. I'm glad Alice shipped our outfits to your parents' house already, that's one less thing to worry about. Now I just need to find them a present."

Edward looked at me strangely.

"You know, you don't have to get them a present. I put both of our names on the gift I got."

Edward had paid for their honeymoon suite in Venice. It was a lovely gift, but I wanted to give them something personal, too.

"I know, and my gift will say both of our names, too," I added, kissing the tip of his nose before opening the stopped car's door and jumping out.

"You're impossible," he told me as he paid the cab driver.

I laughed out loud at him. "As if that's even close to the first time I've heard _that _before!"

Riding up the elevator, I pulled Edward against me in the corner of the car.

"I love you. My life would pale in comparison if you weren't in it."

"Life isn't a concept I can even imagine without you."

Edward and Bella: making fellow elevator passengers nauseous since 2009.

**********

"Double check- my shoes are in that bag, right?" I called out to Edward from my spot in front of the mirror in my bathroom.

"You _will not _throw up during the plane ride, you _will not _crash into a cornfield in West Virginia," I quietly repeated to my reflection. "You will be fine."

Edward joined me in the bathroom, wrapping his arms around me before telling me that I would be indeed be fine.

"Alice, however, will kill us if we miss our flight."

"We have plenty of time, I'm almost ready. I can't wait to see Stella and Dorian carrying the rings!" I squealed. "They're going to be so cute."

"No one will be cuter than you. But we have to be on time for you to be cute, so let's go!"

"You're hilarious," I told him as I grabbed my curling iron from below the sink to stow it in my bag.

"Okay, let's just do a quick check one more time," I urged as I turned off the light and grabbed my bag from the living room.

"Spare clothes, camera, IDs, presents…. Do we need anything else?"

"I think we're good," he told me as he dug in his pocket for his ringing cell phone.

"The car's here. Are you ready?"

"Ask me when we're going through security," I replied.

* * *

As predicted, I started to feel panicked at the security gate. It all sort of snowballed out of control after I couldn't find my license, which was actually tucked inside my pocket. When I walked through the metal detector, I beeped.

"Do you have any metal on?" the surly TSA agent asked me as she waved a metal detector over me. Edward, who of course _flew _through security with no problems, was looking sadly at me from the inside of the concourse.

Before I knew what was happening, the agent was tugging on my arm and leading me to the cubicles on the side of the checkpoint.

"Now, Irene's gonna be inspecting you today," she told me, introducing me to a lady with bright red lipstick on her lips _and _teeth who I took to be Irene. I glanced down at my watch and worried that I was going to be detained long enough to miss our flight.

"I'm going to have to inspect your _private_ areas," she whispered. "But I'll do it with the back of my hands, like this," she demonstrated on the side of my arm.

I was mortified.

"Where you goin'?" she asked me as she essentially felt me up. _With the back of her hand._

"Columbus, Ohio," I told her, trying to focus my attention anywhere but her face."

"O-H!" My ears rang from the loudness of her outburst.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you ain't from there?"

"No… I'm just going for my boyfriend's sister's wedding," I explained.

"I thought everyone liked the Buckeyes!" she said with a shrug.

"I don't really like sports."

"Here's your problem!" she exclaimed as she tugged on the belt I had forgotten that I was wearing.

"Remember to take if off next time and you can skip all this mess."

"Thanks. Am I okay to go?" I asked, nervously glancing at my watch once again.

"Enjoy your wedding! Bye, sugar pie."

The Newark Airport was my personal vision of hell.

***

We made it to our gate in plenty of time, much to my relief. The flight was short and without turbulence. Butterflies filled my stomach as we descended onto the runway in Columbus, but Edward's hands gripping my own took my mind off of the situation somewhat. The moment the cabin door opened I was ready to escape, but it seemed that every passenger had baggage in the overhead compartments that they couldn't remove without the flight attendant's assistance.

"You're bouncing like a little kid who has to use the bathroom," Edward laughed at me.

"No I don't! I'm just excited!" I answered defensively.

"Look-" Edward pointed a few rows behind us. "Seem familiar?"

I saw a five year old crossing his legs, jiggling up and down, and grabbing onto his mom's pant leg.

I narrowed my eyes, figuring it would be best to let them speak for me.

"I'll call Alice," he laughed, removing his phone from his pocket and turning it back on.

"I hope they're not bored to death." The flight had ran about twenty minutes behind.

"Hey Al! We just landed. We didn't check any bags, so as soon as we can make it out we'll be on the lower level. _Yes_, I know you're aware of where the passenger pick-up level is, but… Okay. Okay! Okay, Alice!!! I will see you in a few."

I couldn't help but laugh; Alice was wired on a _normal _day, so I couldn't even imagine what her energy level would be like only a day away from her wedding.

"You laugh now, but _I'm _not the one who she's going to take out this extra energy on."

"She's going to be too busy to torture me!" I told him, shaking my head vigorously.

"Oh, no! In the thirty seconds I was on the phone with her she mentioned a make-up test run _twice._"

"Bahhhh," I moaned as I slumped against the seat.

"At least the line is finally moving," he observed, grabbing our carry-on bags from the seat.

Once inside the airport, we moved pretty quickly.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom," Edward told me, kissing my forehead and leaving me inside concourse B.

I felt around in the front pocket of my bag for my cell phone.

After it turned on, it vibrated almost immediately. I didn't get many voicemails, emails were much more standard. My curiosity raged as my phone dialed through to my mailbox.

"You have five new messages. First new message," the monotone voice announced.

"Bells, this is your dad. I, uh… I need you to call me as soon as you get this. There's… well, there's been an accident. Just call me back."

My heart raced.  
I ended the call and felt my fingers fumble to dial Charlie's name to bring up his number.

"Come on!" I yelled, annoyed with the number of rings I was getting.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked as soon as he made eye contact with me.

"I don't know. I don't know! Charlie won't answer his god-damned phone," I choked as I slammed my phone shut and re-dialed voicemail so I could listen to the other messages.

"Bells… I don't know why your phone is off. Jacob had a car accident. They... they said he's in a coma. He's in the ICU right now. I'm here with Billy and Harry. We don't know if he's going to pull through. I wish your phone were on… I just thought you'd want to know."

Tears sprang to my eyes and my throat closed off.

"Your phone is still off. Bella, I think you should be here. Billy is a mess. Jacob… well, he's in surgery right now, but… it really doesn't look good. I'm sorry to have to tell your voicemail this. Call me."

"Jacob… Jacob's in a coma," I managed to tell Edward as I slumped against his frame.

"I…I…" words eluded me.

"What-" Edward began. At the same time, though, my phone pulsated in my hands.

"Dad!" I yelled into the phone. The emotional dam had burst, and the lump that was in my throat felt like it was on fire. I couldn't speak because the sobs emanating from my chest were too much to overcome.

"Bells, calm down," Charlie urged. Edward, arms wrapped around me, caught the cell phone as it slipped from my ear.

I was aware of the loud sobs that were filling the air, but I couldn't feel them coming from my body.

I barely felt Edward scooping me into his arms. The ticket counter visit also only passed by in my periphery. When I felt Edward sit me in a chair outside of gate C6, though, I somewhat snapped to.

"What are you doing?"

"We're getting on a flight to Seattle."

"It's Alice's wedding, Edward."

"And you're my priority right now," he responded, wiping the tears away from my eyes.

I couldn't do this to Alice. Of all people, _she _deserved her dream wedding to go unblemished.

"No. I'll go. You go be in the wedding," I told him, trying to stop the waterworks.

"Do you really think I'd let you go alone?" he asked, exasperated. "No. We have a half-hour wait. Now, your dad said-"

"EDWARD. I don't want you to go with me," I growled. I knew that he would never stay behind of his own volition.

"What? Why…. Why do you want to go alone?" he questioned, eyes narrowed and casting a hurt reflection at me.

"I need to do this alone. I need to be strong for myself."

"But I'm here to be strong in case you can't," he grabbed my hand.

"And I love you for that, but you need to be here for Alice," I begged.

He started protesting.

"NO!" I surprised myself, suddenly screaming. "Go home, Edward. I don't need you."

The tickets fell from his hands to the floor. A new round of tears started building up in my eyes, and I turned so he wouldn't see them. After a few minutes, I heard him retreat.

I picked up my cell phone.

"I'm so sorry," I wailed as soon as Alice answered.

"What do you mean, Bella? Why are you sorry?"

"I can't be in your wedding," I sobbed.

"What happened?!?"

"Edward will explain. Please tell him I'm sorry. I love you so much, I'm so sorry I'm fucking everything up."

"We're now boarding all zones," the Delta agent announced from the desk by the door.

"Bella-"

"I have to go, Alice," I cried as I shut the phone and grabbed one of the tickets, heading for the door.

The agent who scanned my ticket asked me if I was fit to fly; my withering glance shut him up enough to quickly jog through the entrance and tarmac.

Once my seat belt was secured and we took to the air, however, there was no stopping the tears.

My nose bubbled, my eyes burned, by throat was raw.

I cried for Jacob. I cried for Alice. I cried for Edward. I cried for myself.

* * *

**Author's Note**  
OH NOES! Cliffhanger!

The beginning of this chapter was very much inspired (er, taken from?) my real life. I didn't interview Matt from Muse, but his answer is adapted from a response I got to the same question in an interview I did with Joe from Guster. So, no, Matt Bellamy didn't really say that.

The end is _so _near- one more chapter and an epilogue. What's going to happen!? Any guesses? Did you see this coming or was it a shock?

Thank you so much for everyone who has reviewed. I remember waiting for my first review, and now I'm magically up to 71? You guys are awesome. Nothing but love from my end.

**Song title from: **"One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)" by Bob Dylan


	20. Wandering

**Mine:** The White Album (remastered, mono.) The new Muse album. A LOT of packing to do (and I need more boxes to do it. Oops.)

**Not mine:** Charlie, Billy, Jacob…. Any of them. But _this_ story is definitely my property.

* * *

**BPOV**

A blur.

A blur of over-attentive flight attendants. Tears. Calls to Charlie. An hour long taxi ride.

When I found Charlie and Billy crying in the waiting room at the Providence Everett Medical Center, though, the reality of the situation smacked me in the face.

The two strongest people I had ever known were in the midst of breakdowns. I knew that I had to pull myself together, at least in front of them.

I'm not sure how I did it, but I stopped my tears. There wasn't much I could do in regards to my swollen eyes or extremely red face, but I could only focus on the things I could change.

"Billy, dad," I called as I ran over to their chairs in the corner of the room.

Instantaneously, both men sat up straighter, wiping their eyes with the back of their shirt sleeves.

Charlie leapt up and enveloped me in a hug.

"Bells, I'm so sorry for the voicemails. I was freaking out and-"

"No, dad, it's okay. I'm sure Alice will understand."

"The wedding… I forgot."

"None of that matters," I assured him, vigorously shaking my head to emphasize my words.

"What matters at this moment is my family. And right now, my family needs me. "

I felt extremely guilty on the inside; Alice and Edward were my family, too.

"How is he doing? I asked Charlie. I wasn't sure if I should look at Billy, who was still trying to compose himself. Keeping my eyes trained on Charlie, I slipped my hand down to Billy's wheelchair and firmly grasped his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"He's out of surgery. He's still in the ICU, but we haven't heard of any changes in his status for a while."

"What happened? What kind of accident did he have?" I asked, bracing myself.

"Jacob's not been himself," Billy interjected, almost sounding like a plea.

"He isn't…" he trailed off, my dad picking up.

"Jacob was in a car crash a little outside of Seattle."

"Was anyone else hurt?" I asked, realizing that I had not even considered the possibility that others may have been hurt.

"It was a one car crash," Charlie told me, looking down at Billy.

"He was drinking and driving and crashed into a tree," Billy finished.

"DRINKING AND DRIVING?"

My bellows filled the waiting room, and I immediately regretted my loss of control. Several pairs red rimmed eyes trained on me, angry that I pulled them from their abstractions.

"Sorry," I whispered to no one in particular.

"Mr. Black?" a too-chipper nurse called as she rounded the corner from the corridor into the room.

He wheeled himself to her side. I wasn't sure if we were supposed to follow or remain in our spots, but Charlie's hand on my forearm told me that we should give Billy his space.

"Dad, he was drinking and driving?" I asked again, not able to believe that we were speaking about the same person.

"Jacob Black, whose own mother was killed by a drunken driver, got behind the wheel after drinking?"

I was incredulous.

"His car spun out of control, hit a tree, and ended up flipping into a lake. A woman who owns a house on the lake saw it happen and called 911. If it weren't for her…"

The nurse and Billy appeared to be deep in conversation.

There was no padding around it.

"Is he going to die?"

"I don't know," Charlie said with a sigh, cradling his hands in his face.

"We've been here for hours and all anyone has really said is that he's lucky to be alive. I know he's on a ventilator and that they took him in for back surgery. There's some brain damage, but they couldn't initially diagnose how severe it is."

I heard Billy's wheels moving in our direction. I was sick to my stomach, and I couldn't handle hearing any more bad news. I needed out of there. Immediately.

"Have you eaten?" I spat before Billy could update us.

"I can't remember the last time I even felt like eating," Billy said as he shook his head.

"I'm going to go to the cafeteria to pick you up some food, you both need your strength," I told them quickly as I turned and ran towards the elevator bank, towards a place where I could break down without hurting Charlie or Billy any further.

If Jacob didn't live, I didn't know how I would contain my guilt. He had no right to react to my move as he did, but I couldn't help but feel that it was the catalyst that had spurred him into such self-destructive behavior. I tried to remind myself that I hadn't talked to him in months, that maybe something else was going on in his life. None of it made me feel a bit better.

I tapped my foot impatiently as I pulsed my finger on the elevator's down button, praying that it would make the elevator appear more quickly. Tears pricked at my eyes, but I kept it together because I was still within Charlie and Billy's line of vision.

A DING! announced the elevator's arrival. I blindly pushed my way into the car, eyes pursed together as tightly as possible in an attempt to keep the impending explosion at bay until the doors were shut and I was alone.

"Bella?"

* * *

**EPOV  
**

I dropped the tickets and turned around, stunned by Bella's words. As uncomfortable as I was with Jacob, I obviously understood her need to be with both him and Charlie. I also understood that she would feel personally responsible if I missed Alice's wedding. But "I need to do this alone?" What did _that _mean?

Dragging my bag behind me, I angrily made my way to the passenger pickup section of the airport. Too many emotions were present for me to settle on one. I laughed, I held back tears, I found myself grinding my teeth. I made it to passenger pickup and laughed hollowly as I spotted a very anxious looking Alice at the driver's wheel.

"What happened?" she yelled, opening her door and trying in vain to see me over the roof of the car.

"Jacob is in a coma. Bella requested that I not come with her to Forks. She wanted to go alone."

"So why aren't you on a plane?" she asked, sighing loudly.

"Well, Alice, two reasons!" I said a little sharper than intended.

"One: your _wedding _is tomorrow. Two: she made it clear as day that my presence would not be appreciated."

"Edward, sometimes you have to look past what someone says they want and look at what they need. I don't want Bella to miss my wedding, and I _sure as hell_ don't want you to miss  
my wedding, but this is… well, this is big."

"What do I do?" I asked her, dropping my strap and feeling like I had been ran over by a truck.

"Get on a flight. Come back when you can. Rosalie and Emmett won't mind getting the extra attention, anyways. Get on a flight. Take care of Bella. Come back," she told me steadily as I scooped her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. For both of us," I whispered into her hair.

"Bella already called me. She needs you. Go!"

I was too late to catch the flight Bella was on, which may have been a blessing in disguise. I'd never seen Bella react to me the way she had after finding out about Jacob, and I wasn't sure what it meant in terms of _us_. I damn sure wasn't going to stay in Columbus and let her fall to pieces on her own, though.

Alice's words ran through my head as I waited for my flight in the Columbus airport and for the connection flight I was to catch in the Cincinnati airport.

_  
"Sometimes you have to look past what someone says they want and look at what they need."_

Hours later, I landed in Seattle. Bella's dad had told me the name of the hospital, and luckily for both of us the cabbie knew where it was although it was well outside his day-to-day coverage area of the metropolitan area.

During the ride I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I might find at the hospital. She might tell me to leave. Jacob might be awake and she might be _with_ him. She might refuse to see me whatsoever. They were all chances that I unfortunately had to take.

I idly stared at the passing countryside as we made our way to the Providence Everett Medical Center, taken in by its beauty. Everything was so …. green. It made me feel alive in a way I hadn't felt since I moved to New York. I rolled down the windows and let the crisp air roll over me, even though I was freezing because I hadn't exactly dressed for the brisk northwestern temperatures.

Shaking from both fear and the weather, I exited the cab and made my way into the lobby of the hospital. I know that no one _likes_ hospitals, but I was particularly not fond of them. I found the sign with directions to the ICU and trained my eyes onto the red stripe which led me to the elevator bank. I nervously pulsed my finger on the up button, wishing its arrival while simultaneously questioning myself for coming and considering turning around.

The ding of the elevator and emptying of its passengers made my decision for me. I tucked myself into the corner of the car and closed my eyes, stomach fluttering with the possibilities of the next several hours as well as the quick ascent. As the cart slowed, I opened my eyes and took a series of deep breaths, focusing on the air traveling through my body like my therapist had taught me.

My eyes adjusted to the light as the door opened and someone immediately ran into the elevator, dangerously close to smacking into me. Bella.

"Bella?" I asked, wondering if she was ignoring my presence.

Seconds before the door slid completely closed, she whipped around and grabbed onto my mid-section, letting out the most painful scream that I'd ever witnessed.

I could feel her trembling against my skin, through my shirt that was soaked instantly by her tears. Her scream turned into a more subdued howl of pain. I was thankful that the elevator hadn't picked up anymore passengers, but unsure of how to proceed. I hit the button for the top floor, completely unsure of what we'd find when we got there, and wrapped my arms around Bella. I was providing the only comfort I knew how to give her.

As we exited the elevator on the top floor, I gathered her into my arms. She was a sniveling, shaking mess at best. A sign pointed out to a rooftop zen garden area, and despite the temperature I decided maybe it would do us both some good.

As I sat on a bench and drew Bella closer to me, she began to speak quickly and emotionally.

"If Jacob dies… he would never have forgiven me… I'll always know that I led him to this. I'm a shitty person," she said through hiccups.

"What happened, Bella?"

She looked up at me for the first time, brown eyes shining vividly through her tear soaked hair.

"He had a car accident. He drove after drinking. He has brain damage and they just performed back surgery. And it's all my fault."

"What do you mean it's all your fault?" I questioned.

"I may not have given him the alcohol or the keys to his car, but I pushed him to this," she sighed, fresh tears bubbling from her eyes.

"How, Bella, because I'm really not seeing that," I said gently.

"I left him and he needed me," she sobbed.

"You're adults, Bella! If he wanted to follow you so you could be together, he could have."

An edge was slipping into my voice. An edge that she didn't deserve whatsoever. She couldn't help how Jacob felt for her, and I didn't travel across the United States to make her feel worse.

"I mean, Bella, you did all you could do."

"He can't die," she sobbed as she balled her hands into fists and started hitting the bench.

"You don't know that he will," I whispered, taking her hands into my own.

We sat quietly, hand in hand, lost in our own thoughts for quite a while. She stopped crying after some point, but her face was still extremely red and swollen from the previous tears.

"I told Charlie and Billy that I'd get them food," she said quietly without emotion.

"Do you want to stay here? Do you want to go to the cafeteria? Do you want me to do it?"

"I need to try to compose myself. I have to be strong for them."

One more silent tear slid down her face before she wiped it with the back of her arm and took to the staircase.

We walked silently to the main lobby and found the cafeteria. Bella randomly grabbed a couple sandwiches and drinks, but I made sure to grab one for her. As we got to the cash register, I pulled out cash and paid for the food before she could protest.

"Thanks," she said, staring at me.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure," I told her, leading her over to one of several empty tables in the ghost-town like cafeteria.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, taking my hand from across the table.

"I-"

"No, I handled this all so badly," she cut me off.

"I've never really… I've never really dealt with anything like this before. I feel like I'm constantly bringing drama to your life, and I know that Alice deserves better than you missing her wedding day. I've screwed up the most important day in her life," she looked down, ashamed.

"And I've screwed it up for you, too. I'm so sorry."

I already knew everything that she had told me, but hearing her express it made me breathe a little easier.

"You have nothing to apologize for," I assured her. "Alice practically strapped me into the plane. She gets it. Jake is your family," I said, as much as I didn't want to.

"And family sticks together, which is why I'm here right now. You will never not be my first priority, Bella. I have to ask you something serious, though."

She nodded.

"Why did you tell me that you needed to do this alone?"

She squinted and started rubbing her fingers on the table, as if to get rid of a smudge invisible to my eyes.

"I really wanted you to be there for Alice, and it's the only way that I knew you would stay."

"Sometimes you have to look past what someone says they want and look at what they need," I recounted Alice's quote to her.

"I'll never stop needing you," she squeezed my hand.

"I'm trying to be strong for Jacob. I'm trying to be strong for Charlie and poor Billy. I can be strong for them," she said with a pained expression.

"But I can't seem to be strong enough for me."

"That's why I'm here," I whispered as I stood up and enveloped her in a hug.

"Bells!" someone yelled from across the cafeteria.

A man with the same shade hair as Bella was waving his arms and walking towards us, a quizzical expression taking over his face. He was no doubt wondering who I was and why I was with his very emotionally distraught daughter.

"Dad! Is there an update?" she asked hopefully, slipping out of the hug.

"Yeah… who is this?" he motioned at me.

"Chief Swan, sir, I'm Edward Cullen," I introduced myself, outstretching my hand.

"It's Charlie, son. Sorry we couldn't have met under happier circumstances."

He turned his attention to Bella.

"The surgery went well; they still don't know lasting the damge he sustained to either his back or his brain will be, but the swelling in his brain is at least going down," he told her.

"The doctor assures us that this is a really good sign."

"Is he…" she paused.

"Is he going to live?"

"Nothing's promised, Bells," he told her, her face instantly falling.

"I feel so helpless," she told no one in particular as she made her way back into my arms.

"Why don't you go into the chapel and say a few prayers for Jacob?" Charlie suggested.

"But I'm not religious," she responded.

"Couldn't hurt, right? Are these the sandwiches you got for us? I decided to come check it out because you were gone for quite a while. I'm glad you're here for her, Edward, but I'm sorry you're missing your sister's wedding," Charlie told me as he gathered the supplies we got for him and Billy.

"I look forward to getting to know you better," I told him as he said his temporary goodbyes and made his way to the elevator bank.

"Do you think we should go to the chapel, Edward?" she asked, timidly.

"It depends on whether or not you feel comfortable with it."

"But… I think your dad's right, it couldn't hurt."

We spent the next couple of hours tucked inside the church's tiny chapel, huddled in a pew.

After she seemingly cried herself dry once again, she asked if we could return to the rooftop garden before going back to the ICU.

The already cold day had turned frigid as the hours grew later, but I didn't mind; I was transfixed by the beauty of the surrounding lush trees and grass.

"It's beautiful here," I told her.

"I know," she responded quietly, hand underneath her chin. Even after a day filled with tears and drama she was absolutely gorgeous to me.

"I don't know how you ever left."

"Being here makes me miss it even more," she admitted, staring off into the wide expanse in front of us.

Downstairs in the ICU, Jacob Black was coming closer to consciousness as every minute passed. His brainwaves were more active, giving the doctors hope that the damage was minimal. There was a good chance that like Billy he would spend at least a portion of his life in a wheelchair, albeit for very different reasons than his father.

As Jacob's condition improved, Billy became angrier with him.

"He threw his life away!" Billy spat, burrowing his face into his hands.

"Maybe… maybe this is like a second chance," Bella told him, patting the back of his neck.

"Maybe there's a reason that this happened to him. It could bring about a great change," she continued.

"The pressing concern is that he survived, Billy. Once he wakes up… yeah, there's going to be some bad repercussions, but he'll still be alive," Charlie added.

It was interesting to see the schism in Charlie; on one hand, Jacob was the son he never had, a near-constant fixture in his household during Bella's childhood. On other hand, Charlie was a sheriff, meaning that he knew the struggle that Jacob would go through legally once he recovered. He was also angry, but he knew that Billy didn't need more ammunition; he needed someone to tell him the positives.

Nothing would be decided that night by any of us. Jacob wouldn't magically wake up and walk out of the hospital. Billy wouldn't stop feeling ashamed and terrified for his son. Bella would continue feeling guilty about us missing Alice and Jasper's wedding, even though Alice had called us from the reception to once again tell us that we made the right decision and that the whole thing went without a hitch. Charlie was likely wondering how serious Bella and I were if I had flown across the United States to be with her over my family.

Damn serious.

Bella lay asleep in our hotel room, unable to keep her eyes open after her extremely taxing day finally caught up with her during the taxi ride to the hotel. I had opened the curtains to take in the scenery, but I was transfixed by the way Bella was illuminated by the moon. She looked peaceful and serene.

I fingered the small velvet box that had been tucked into the corner of my luggage since I had bought it a few days before we left New York as I watched over Bella.

Neither of us were sure what our immediate future would bring; we had a lot of decisions to make.

The only thing I was certain of was that my future was Bella.

I knew in that moment that I would do whatever it took to make her blissfully happy for the rest of our lives. Location, jobs, money… all of it paled in comparison to what Bella and I had together.

She gently rolled over to her side, drawing her knees up to her chest, sighing as she dreamt in her sleep.

This was love.

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**  
It's almost the end!!!

So, a lot of readers were angry that Bella missed the wedding (and probably double pissed now that Edward missed it too.) If one of my siblings missed my wedding I'd be super hurt and sad, so I get that point of view, but like canon-Edward (canward?) Bella really is his life.

Her insistence that he let her do this "on her own" was inspired by Canward's (I know it's bad, but now I can't stop saying it!) lie when he split from Bella in the beginning of _New Moon._ Bella's a pretty strong girl, as evidenced from her picking up her life and moving alone cross country, and she didn't want Edward to see her fall apart. She's still young and has a lot of maturing to do, obviously, but don't hate her too much; she just tried to do what she thought was best at the time.

The epilogue will jump ahead in time, although I'm not sure by how much yet. ****

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who continues to review. I've once again failed at sending out previews, but I personally would rather read the chapter as a whole sooner than read a few paragraphs and be waiting for days. I love you, know that.

**Title from: **"Wandering" by Ben Folds


	21. Crickets

**Mine:** Sadness that this story is over! Happiness that the colder temperature equals electric blanket season! Plans for upcoming stories… Author alert me if interested! SM's work.

**Not mine: **SM's work

* * *

**Four years later.**

**BPOV**

"Manolo," I suggested.

"Yves," Edward piped in.

"Chanel."

"Mischka."

"Furstenburg!"

"You're hilarious, jerks!" Alice stuck out her tongue at us from her spot beside Jasper at the dinner table.

"I don't think you're giving me credit. If anything, my elevated taste in clothes should suggest that I have an elevated taste in names. Furstenburg," she said with a scrunched up face.

"I'm thinking Gunner if it's a boy," Jasper deadpanned.

"Honey….. what?" Alice asked, a tone of panic creeping into her voice.

"Gunner? Are you serious?"

"Calm down, baby," Jasper laughed, kissing her forehead.

"If I were you, I would've let that ride on for a while," Edward told Jasper with a wink.

"Gunner Hale! It has quite a ring…" I joked.

"It's _not _nice to play games with a pregnant woman, you three!" Alice's face was uncharacteristically reddening with each second.

"What if my blood pressure skyrockets? Wouldn't someone feel a little bit bad then?" she glared at Edward.

"Calm down, Al. You're going to be a great mom, we all know it," Edward reassured her with a smile.

"I like simple first names," she pouted.

"The middle name, however," I said knowingly. After four years I was an expert at picking up on what Alice wasn't saying.

"I hate you all!" she said, laughing despite herself.

"And just to think I came with a surprise for you. What a shame," she said as she pulled a thick scrapbook out of her purse.

"You'll spill. And on the upside, you won't have to worry about a diaper bag cramping your style, your purses are already big enough to fit everything. Including the baby!" Edward joked.

It was safe to say that every day I fell deeper in love with Edward. Each touch still set my skin ablaze, every glance made my cheeks redden with the same intensity as the first night at Firefly.

"Hah," she raised her eyebrows, clutching the book to her chest.

"I want to see, Alice!"

"I'd like to introduce you to baby Hale," she said with tears in her eyes as she opened up the scrapbook to reveal several sonogram pictures.

My eyes flitted to Edward's face, beaming with pride and happiness and his eyes watering slightly.

"Congratulations Al, Jasper!" he choked out, closely looking at the images of his niece or nephew in utero.

"When did you find out?" I asked.

"A little over a week ago," she responded.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner, but I wanted to see the expression on your face when we did!" she laughed.

"When can we expect the little bugger?"

"Nice, Edward. Six more months and you're an uncle!"

I watched Alice and Jasper hug each other, warmed even after so many years by their love. My friends as well as family, their happiness meant the world to me.

"I'm touched and impressed that you came all this way to tell us your news," Edward began. "But… you really took came all the way to Seattle just to see our facial expressions?"

A very wide and brilliant smile took over Alice's face.

"We may be looking at real estate," she squealed.

**

* * *

**

My attention slipped away from the e-mail I was typing and focused on the street below through the window in my office. It was dark out, but the streetlights on the steep and narrow roadway illuminated the area beautifully. I shivered and zipped my hoodie, refocusing on the email so I could make my way home.

_Sarah,  
Thanks for reaching out. The guys could do an in-station performance anytime from noon to 2:30 p.m. on the 20__th__, what time works best for you? Let me know if you need any promo copies of the album or tickets to the show._It was crazy how quickly life had changed.

Thanks for your support!

Bella Swan  
Emerald Eyes Management

After Edward and I got back to New York from Washington after Jake's accident, life changed. For the better.

A week or so after we got back, Edward proposed to me at a concert at the Bowery Ball room. Using his ridiculous connections, he slipped away under the pretenses of getting us drinks at the bar and reappeared minutes later onstage with the lead singer, asking me to make him the happiest man in the world.

At that moment, when I screamed yes and kissed him with all my might onstage, I thought I couldn't be any happier. We decided to enjoy the engagement and not rush the wedding, but we both knew where it would be held- the only option as far as either of us were concerned- Central Park.

In the months following the concert, though, he proved me wrong.

"Let's move," he whispered into my hair late one night in bed as we were recovering and waiting for sleep.

"Move where?" I laughed, trying to imagine a more magical place than Edward's apartment. Well, after we had subleased my apartment and I had moved my stuff in, I guess it was officially _our _apartment.

"Forks. You miss your dad. I saw how happy you were when we were back. I think I could really like it, too."

I sat in silence, mentally making a pro and con list.

"Bella?" he asked. "Say something."

"We don't need to retrace my path," I told him.

"How about we find our own?"

**

It had been a little over three years since we had moved to Issaquah, a beautiful suburb only a little outside of Seattle. I didn't realize how much I needed mountains and green grass in my life until we left New York. I sometimes missed the city, but we decided to keep Edward's apartment and could visit whenever work allowed.

I steered my car into our driveway, stomach jumping in excitement as I saw a light on in the window of Edward's office.

I couldn't get out of my car quickly enough, slamming the door and running up the steps so I could be with him.

He opened the door right as I jammed the key in the lock, grabbing me into his arms.

"Twelve hours a day is far too long to be away from you," he moaned as he peppered my neck with kisses.

He was right.

"How was your day, babe?" I asked, running my fingers through his hair as he backed us into our house.

"Fantastic!" he replied, looking ecstatic. "My private lesson students are getting better by the week. Mid-term performances are almost over for the juniors and seniors, and most of the kids have done really well. Even the kids who _try _to be troublemakers are amusing."

"I can't wait for the recital next week!" I smiled, popping a no-bake cookie I had made the previous night into my mouth.

"Ah , ah!" he protested.

"I made dinner! Let's eat and you can tell me about your day," He told me, pulling me into the dining room.

"We're finalizing Sean's band's tour this week… a few more stations got back to us today about on-air performances, so everything's really coming together. This is really good!" I gushed as I tried to speak around my mouthful of spaghetti, laughing at my failure.

"Oh! Jacob says hi," I remembered suddenly. "He's heading out for a book tour. He stopped in today to get some paperwork and hang out a little bit. His new chair is quite snazzy!"

"Did he go with the Invacare model?" Edward asked, chewing his garlic bread.

I couldn't imagine the Edward I met four years ago nomming on garlic bread as he talked to me about Jacob.

"Yep! And after a few customizations, he's gonna be stealing ladies' hearts across the United States with his hot wheelchair and bound-to-be-a-bestseller book."

Jacob's life had drastically changed after his accident.

Most obviously, he was confined to a wheelchair. But, most excitingly, he came out of his coma a different man.

He began to speak to schools in the Forks and Portland areas about the decisions he had made and their repercussions on his life, but more importantly about what life after his accident had taught him. Quite a bit of buzz was generated, and he segued it into a book deal. Or, I guess I should say _we _segued it into a book deal; Jacob was my first client at Emerald Eyes Management.

"Do you ever look back and wonder how this happened?" Edward asked me, linking his fingers with mine after we cleared the dishes and headed to our bedroom.

"Every day. But I try not to ask questions, I try to just be happy that it did."

I knew without a doubt we'd made the right decision.

The world was perfect in that moment. I rested my head on Edward's shoulder in our bed as he sighed contentedly, the air filled with the sweet fragrance of the swaying trees outside of our opened window. I burrowed into his shoulder, eyes drifting shut as the sound of crickets coaxed us both into a blissful sleep.

* * *

**  
Author's Note:**

Wow! What a journey. Did the ending surprise you? Make you happy?

I'm super sad that the story is over, but I feel like maybe there's more to tell... Maybe outtakes (Proposal? Wedding?) and futuretakes (...maybe un bambino for Edward and Bella?). I'm going to open it up to reader suggestions- let me know what you want to see, and I'll do my best to post a O/S of the requested scene.

Thank you SO MUCH for everyone who has supported this story. Inside-the-disarray, eliseshaw- you two in particular are awesome. CullenGirl08, Edlovesme- I've loved your reviews since the beginning. Pretty much, you're making me beyond stoked by simply reading this story.

I'm probably taking a little bit of a break from fan-fic- full-time work is more intense than I anticipated, plus my move-in date for my first apartment with my fiance is next week (so excited!) However, I do have several story ideas and even a few chapters in the works at the moment. If you're interested in reading the outtakes and future material, please author alert me to stay up-to-date.

Thank you, again :)


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